Page 42 of These Jagged Edges

"I deserve that." Maddox swallows hard looking at the floor. "I deserve that."

My guilt for hitting him yesterday is overwhelming as I look at him, and I feel I should apologize for it. Why should I apologize? Wasn’t I just defending myself? Wasn’t it justified? The answers may have been black and white, but my heart is woven in complexity and can’t accept those answers.

I take a deep breath and open my mouth to say sorry, but no words come out. I try again, but my throat feels tight, and my voice is stuck. Finally, I manage to squeak out a few words of apology causing Maddox to look at me harshly as he crosses his arms over his chest.

Maddox chuckles but there's no humor behind it. "Evie, don't you dare fucking apologize to me. You don't owe me anything. There isn't one damn excuse on this earth for yesterday. Not one!" He blows out a long breath and uncrosses his arms.

"I need some space?—"

He keeps talking as if he didn't hear me. "After everything you've been through, it doesn't seem right for me to burden you with my shit. You’re the one bright spot in my life I don't want to bring into that dark place with me. You've given me so many pieces of yourself that?—"

"Just stop!" I cut him off, my heart can’t bear to hear another word. "You know what Maddox? Fuck you! You bulldozed your way into my life!" I point my finger at him, placing the blame on his shoulders because I was fine before he came along and interrupted my life, at least that's the lie I'm telling myself.

"You insisted I take self-defense classes with you!" I take a deep breath to steady myself because I don’t want Joe running in here with her frying pan. "You've made me feel precious and wanted when all I had ever felt was like my existence was a cruel punishment!"

"Evie—"

"You were hurting yesterday and instead of letting me or anybody close enough to help you carry it, you took things I trusted you with and used them to keep me at arms lengths. Itrustedyou not to ever stoop so low.” My heart is hammering in my chest, as many excuses as I gave him, the fact remained he used things he knew would hurt me to push me away. “Did hurting me make you feel better? Did it help you soothe your loss?”

Maddox gives me a watery smile, “I think I fell for you the moment you told me to go fuck myself. You stood there so damn fierce and beautiful I couldn't speak." He reaches out and thumbs the tears off my face. "I don't want to be a storm wreaking havoc, I want to be your sunny day."

Maddox runs a hand through his hair roughly, his green eyes look at me like I'm the most precious thing he's ever seen, but I can't find any words to say back. Maddox reaches for the doorknob and gives me one last look before leaving me alone in the dark.

Chapter Seventeen

MADDOX

“What the hell happened here?”Mercy's voice cuts through the chaos as he steps into my office, his eyes widening at the sight of the wreckage. I sit on the floor, my back against the filing cabinet, clutching Livvy’s stuffed lion like a lifeline. He hesitates for a moment before joining me on the floor, the weight of the moment settling in.

“Okay, how bad is it?” he asks, his gaze scanning the destruction, but I can tell he isn’t referring to the mess around us.

“Bad,” I admit, shame crashing over me like a tidal wave. “I threatened her with a belt.”

Mercy's sharp gasp pierces the silence, disappointment radiating from him like a palpable force. “Oh, you fucking idiot! How could you do something like that?Whywould you do something like that?”

Disgust is etched across Mercy’s face. The disappointment in my brother's eyes cuts deeper than any words could express. The silence weighs heavily on me, a stark reminder of the trust I’veshattered and the distance I’ve created between me and the one person I care about the most.

“Vic is going to kill you.”

“I know.” That old bastard will be coming for me; it’s only a matter of time, and deep down, I know I deserve it. There’s no excuse for what I did. She was only trying to comfort me, reaching out in my darkest moments, but I was too consumed by my own pain to see her intentions clearly. Instead of allowing myself to be vulnerable, I lashed out, using the very things I knew would frighten her to keep her at arms distance.

"I want to kill you myself," my usually carefree brother says, a rare flash of rage breaking through his usually calm demeanor.

“I know,” I tell him defeated.

We sit in the heavy silence a few more moments when Merc clears his throat. “I’m sorry about what I said to you at Evie’s that day. It just hurt us all so much that you wouldn’t let us be there for you.”

Merc never was one for kicking a man when he was down, but I knew he needed to get this off his chest and I needed to hear it.

"I didn't think I deserved you all to be there for me." I felt that after everything I had done, I deserved my self-imposed isolation, not the comfort of my family. I had pushed them away, convinced that my mistakes were so severe that I couldn't accept their love or support. The guilt gnawed at me, a relentless reminder of my failures, and I believed that withdrawing was the only way to atone.

But it wasn’t until I nearly lost Merc that I truly understood how wrong I had been. The moment I realized he was in danger, a wave of panic washed over me, shattering the walls I had built around my heart. In that instant, I recognized the depth of my need for my family—the very ones I had turned away. They were my lifeline, the ones who could help me navigate through the darkness I had chosen to endure alone.

As I watched Merc fight for his life, I felt a desperate longing for connection, a yearning to bridge the gap I had created. Irealized that isolation was a prison of my own making, and I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I needed my family, their strength, their love, and their unwavering support. Yet, I found myself at a loss for how to express that need, trapped in my own shame. The realization hit me hard: vulnerability was not a weakness but a strength.

“We’re your family, Maddox. We needed you! We needed to be there for each other, for our sake and yours. We all needed to grieve together, but you cut us off. You ignored our calls, moved away, and wouldn’t tell anyone where you were. Just think of poor Mama, always worrying about you—you became a ghost.”

I hang my head with shame. “I couldn’t stay there anymore. Surround by all her little toys, and clothes. I just couldn’t.”

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