Page 30 of These Jagged Edges

"Charlie overheard him saying a few things about his number one girl in the diner and asked me what they meant. I told him the next person to say things about his mama like that deserved a good kick in the balls."

"I can respect that." Maddox winks at me.

"Speaking of things, how are your little fellas doing? Heard she put them through a good shock." I can't help but laugh at the way Maddox cuts his eyes at the older man.

I beam at Vic. "He peed himself."

Maddox sits up so fast he bangs his head on the dishwasher door. "You little liar!"

Vic laughs and pats Maddox's arm. "Sure, she is."

I findmyself smiling at my phone a few days later.

You’re a heathen, you know that?

Me? Are you sure you have the right person?

Ever since you *lied* to Vic, the man stops and chuckles every time I see him. Cupping his balls, no less.

Whoops! And yuck! He's like a father to me. Can we not talk about his balls?

I agree that's weird. He's pushing ninety, and you know he probably must tuck them in his pocket.

A visual I could have lived my whole life without.

I had a good time the other night.

Me too, Big Guy.

After the dishwasher was fixed, we all ate dinner together, which was delicious. Maddox and Bash made chili, and I was impressed. I figured the guy lived off chicken breast and protein powder. Before he left, I said a quiet thank you and kissed him goodnight.

I know how hard it was for him to open up to me, and I was grateful he had, but there were things about me I hadn't shared. Things that I never thought I'd have to share because I could never see myself being with a person in that capacity. I was happy with my vibrator until Maddox came along.

Comfortable with living the rest of my life never having a member of the opposite sex touch me, then I found myself wishing Maddox would touch me. I want him to run those big hands all over my body, see if my breasts fit in his hands. As soon as I find myself in knots at the thought of him, I seek totake the edge off, and then my fingers find my scars and my desire instantly vanishes, and shame heavily sits in its place.

What would he think of me if he saw the bite marks that covered my skin? Would he see me the same after? Knowing what Trent did to me? It’s something I just don’t think I can ever risk. Just as Trent had intended, these scars still hold me captive, controlling me and I let them.

I don't go to the gym on Monday and ignore Maddox's texts and calls over the next two days. I feel like an idiot. Here I am, thinking I’ve overcome so much and am leaving the past where it belongs. But the minute I think about Maddox seeing all of me, everything goes back to square one again.

Am I being rational? No. I know damn good and well, these scars hold no power over me. Only the power I give them, yet here I am, giving them power over me. Letting fear dictate my life yet again making me feel more worthless than ever. Fear of having him see me for who I am, fear of being seen as the pathetic thing I was. I had spent so long hiding that part of myself and what had been done, that the thought of him knowing the truth is too much. It’s like having a bright light directed at me, after having spent so long in the darkness. I’m afraid to be exposed and stripped down.

My phone rings, and I silence the call. I’m not ready to face him yet. Rather than face any of this right now, I want to wallow in my self-inflicted torment for a little longer. After tucking the boys in for bed, I decide to take a nice long shower and wash the invisible grime of the past off my body. Turning the water on, I strip my clothes off, avoiding the mirror, not needing to see the self-pity of my own reflection.

My body relaxes as soon as I step into the hot shower. The thought of Maddox wanders through my mind as I wash my hair. My nipples tighten at the thought of him shirtless in those damn shorts that show off a peek of his powerful thighs. Damn, I really like those shorts.

I cup my breast, giving my sensitive nipples a slight pinch.

Keeping one hand on my breast, I run the other down my body, stopping the second my fingers brush the jagged edge of raised skin. I take a deep breath and push forward until I reach my slick center. Good thing I'm in the shower because I'm soaked at just the thought of the grumpy bastard shirtless and sweaty. I affectionately give my clit the attention it desperately seeks before shoving a finger deep into my greedy center. I close my eyes, imagining Maddox is in here. Purring good girl in my ear in that gravely vicious voice of his and driving me wild with his hands and mouth. His name leaves my lips as I bring myself closer to the edge.

"Jesus Christ."

My eyes snap open to find the star of my wet dream gazing back at me with an intensity that seems to consume every part of me.

Chapter Thirteen

MADDOX

I'm going straightto hell but…fuck it. I was headed there anyways.

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