Page 66 of All of Me

YOU FOUND ME - THE FRAY

OWEN - APRIL 14, 2014

The house is quiet, but my mind is racing. Ruby is napping in her swing, her tiny fists curled tight against her chest, and Sara is stacking blocks on the living room floor, babbling softly to herself. It’s just me and the girls. Usually, I love days like this, spending quality time with them while Callie’s at work, but today, my nerves are shot.

We’re heading to New Orleans in a couple of days. I’ll finally meet Callie’s dad and that side of her family. It’s a trip we’ve been talking about for months, and now that it’s right around the corner, my anxiety is kicking into overdrive.

“Look, Dad!” Sara’s voice cuts through my spiraling thoughts. I glance over and see her pointing at the tower of blocks she’s built, her face lit up with pride.

The word hits me square in the chest, knocking the air out of me. “Dad.” It’s not the first time she’s said it. We’ve been gently correcting her for months, reminding her that I’m Owen, not Dad, but it doesn’t seem to stick. She hears Barrett calling me Dad all the time, and for her, it just makes sense.

Still, every time she says it, it stirs emotions deep inside me that are equal parts joy and heartbreak. I want to be their dad more than anything, especially now, with Adam so wrapped up in his drama with Katie. He barely makes time for his daughters, yet he still found the balls to flip out when Callie gave him a heads-up that Sara had started calling me Dad.

I kneel beside her, trying to keep my voice light, even though my heart feels like it’s splintering. “Owen,” I say, pointing to myself gently.

She just grins up at me, unfazed. “Dada Owie!” she announces, her voice bubbling with joy. I can’t help but laugh.

It’s impossible to be upset when she’s looking at me like that, her whole world wrapped up in showing me her tower of blocks. For now, I let it go, because maybe someday I’ll get to be Dada for real.

My hand drifts to my pocket, instinctively searching for the ring box, but it’s not there. I put it away in the bedroom before Callie went into work this morning, tucked into a pair of socks in my drawer. I picked it up before Christmas, thinking that would be the perfect time to propose, but Adam ruined that when he threw a tantrum about getting the girls late. Then Valentine’s Day came, and I thought I’d do it then, but Adam canceled his plans to take the girls, and our romantic evening turned into a family dinner at home. Every time I think I’ve found the right moment, something he does gets in the way.

“I’ll be right back, baby girl,” I tell Sara before heading to the bedroom. Knowing I can’t leave her unattended for long, I quickly check on the ring, still snug in its hiding spot, before returning to the living room.

Sara’s still playing contentedly, her tower now leaning dangerously to one side. Ruby stirs in her swing, but her little face is peaceful. I grab my phone off the coffee table, deciding to text the guys. Maybe they’ll help me get my head on straight.

Me:

Guys, I’m freaking the fuck out.

I set the phone down and kneel beside Sara, helping her stack the blocks that she knocked over. She giggles as she places the last one, clapping her hands. Ruby begins to stir in her swing and I hold my finger up to my lips to show Sara we need to stay quiet as I rock the swing gently with my foot.

My phone buzzes on the floor next to me, and I grab it, praying at least one of the guys will be able to help me get my wits about me.

Vince:

You’ll be fine, man. Just take a deep breath.

Luke:

Easy for you to say!

Not helpful. I groan, getting up off the floor and standing, rubbing my hand along the back of my neck as if that will somehow ease the tension knotting my shoulders, it doesn’t. The fridge hums in the background, and I walk over to open it, grabbing a water bottle. I twist the cap off and take a long sip, letting the cool water soothe my dry throat before typing back.

Me:

Not helping.

Will:

Breathe, man. You already know how it’s going to play out. There’s no way she’s not going to say yes.

The thing is, Will’s probably right. Callie’s been dropping hints, practically daring me to propose for weeks now. Still, the thought of screwing this up makes my chest tighten. I cap the water bottle and set it on the counter before dropping into a chair at the kitchen table. My fingers tap against the wood, restless, until the buzzing in my pocket drags me out of my head. I grab my phone again, desperate to talk this out.

Vince:

You’re overthinking it. Keep it simple, stupid.

Luke:

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