Page 27 of All of Me

My sister’s voice breaks through my thoughts. “Callie, are you ready to go?” Taylor calls from my kitchen.

“Coming!” I yell back, grabbing my purse and heading into the hallway. Taylor’s sipping a coffee, her hair pulled back in a messy bun. I envy how effortlessly she carries herself and often wish I could feel like that. Just standing here, I’m hyper-aware of every inch of my body, every flaw that feels magnified in my own mind.

She eyes me over her mug. “You’ve been fussing with your clothes for twenty minutes. What’s going on?”

I hesitate, leaning against the counter. “I have my doctor’s appointment today after work.”

“Okay… and?”

“Well, for starters, I’m mortified to get on the scale. I don’t want to even know. I always feel like I’m being judged because I know I’m overweight.”

“Callie, you just had a baby! Cut yourself some slack,” she says, setting her mug down with a slight thud.

“I wish I could,” I assure her. “But you know what it was like growing up… we had to be a certain size and look a certain way and I just… I can’t break that mindset.”

“Trust me, I get it,” Taylor says, leaning against the counter. “I still can’t eat anything sweet without hearing Mom’s voice saying, ‘A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.’ It’s exhausting, but you’ve gotta tell that voice in your head to fuck off.” I almost spit out my coffee at my sister’s crassness. I’m usually the vulgar one of the two of us. “You’re beautiful, sis. Please don’t let our mother’s insecurities and fat-phobia affect the way you think about yourself. You have to give yourself a break. You’ve been doing the best you can, and if Dr. Everett can’t see that, then maybe it’s time to look for a new doctor.”

I open my mouth to argue, but she holds up a hand. “And as far as Rita is concerned, you just wait and see what happens if Mom decides she wants to pop off about your weight when Ruby is barely a month old.” Her eyes flash with determination, and I’m reminded of how fiercely Taylor has always defended me.

“Thanks, Tay.”

“Besides,” she pauses, taking another sip of her coffee as I do the same, “if they aren’t feeding, financing, or fucking you, they can fuck off.”

That’s when I do, in fact, spit out my coffee. “Jesus, Taylor!” I cough, grabbing a napkin to wipe my chin.

She smirks, unfazed. “What? You know I’m right.”

I shake my head, still laughing despite the lump in my throat. “I’ll try to remember that.”

“Good. Now get going before you overthink yourself into calling off. I’ve got the girls while you’re at work. Try not to stress yourself out too much.”

I glance toward the baby monitor, listening for any sound from the girls’ bedroom, but they’re still asleep. The guilt of leaving Ruby for the first time squeezes me again, but I push past it, grabbing my purse before I change my mind.

Taylor gives me a knowing look as I reach for my keys. “You’ve got this, Callie. And if you don’t, fake it until you do.”

I nod, swallowing hard. As I step outside, the cold air hits me, sharp and crisp, waking me up like coffee never could. I exhale, watching my breath form a cloud in the air. As tears well in my eyes, I try to remind myself that I can do this.

I have to.

By the time I pull into the parking lot ofBrooked & Brewed,my nerves are strung so tight I feel like I might snap in half. My hands grip the steering wheel, my knuckles white, my pulse pounding. I take a deep breath, forcing myself to open the door and step out. The cold air bites my tear-stained cheeks once again, and I wrap my arms around myself as I head inside, missing my girls already.

The second I push open the shop door, I’m hit with the familiar scent of coffee and cinnamon and the buzz of the regular morning routine. Brooke looks up from behind the counter, her face softening. For a brief second, I feel at ease. “There’s my girl,” she says warmly, setting down the towel in her hands and moving towards me. She doesn’t launch herself at me, doesn’t smother me in a hug the way she normally would. Instead, she stops a few feet away, like she’s giving me space to decide whether I need comfort or not.

That makes me want the comfort even more. I step forward, and she immediately pulls me into a hug.

“God, I’ve missed you,” she murmurs before pulling back to look me over. “How are you holding up?”

I swallow, forcing a small smile. “I’m surviving.”

Brooke tilts her head, studying me the way only a best friend can. “That’s something.”

I exhale, rubbing my hands over my arms. “I’m just ready to get back at it. I want to feel normal again.”

Brooke gives me a look, one eyebrow arching. “You’ve never been normal a day in your life.”

I snort, the tension in my chest easing just a little. “Fair.”

She smiles, then nudges me toward the back. “Okay, go put your stuff away, and I’ll get you an easy start. I’ve got orders covered, you can handle the register, or just wipe down the counters, whatever you need.”

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