Page 12 of All of Me

For a moment, she doesn’t say anything, just stares at me with tears streaming. Slowly, she nods and a shaky breath escapes her lips.

“I’m scared, Owen,” she whispers.

“I know,” I say, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “But we’ll get through it. Together.”

Her tears continue to fall, but something in her posture shifts. There is a flicker of relief, of hope. She leans into me, resting her forehead against mine, and I hold on to that flicker with everything I have.

five

SOMEBODY’S HERO - JAMIE O’NEAL

CALLIE - NOVEMBER 27, 2013

The last few weeks since Ruby was born have been smooth. She is almost a month old and I am so excited to introduce her to Owen’s family at Thanksgiving tomorrow. His cousin Vicki is organizing everything for Owen’s mom’s side of the family. I met Vickie a couple months ago, the night I met his cousins, and I’m looking forward to seeing her again.

Owen has Barrett for Thanksgiving this year and I’m thrilled to have all three of the kids together. I’ve been tasked with picking Barrett up from Sabrina today. I’m nervous, I haven’t had many interactions with Sabrina. This will be the first time I’ve ever met her without Owen around. She seems civil enough when he is near so I’m praying that won’t change without his presence.

Owen has been working a lot. He is doing everything in his power to support us financially so I don’t have to return to work before I am ready. I’m hoping to make it at least six weeks before returning to my job at the coffee shopBrooked & Brewed.I appreciate him so much, but I worry about him working so many hours. He’s been so tired lately between work and Ruby waking up at night. I figured offering to pick Barrett up from Sabrina’s was the least I could do. He was hesitant at first, worried I would be in the car with the girls for too long by myself. I have to rip off the band-aid and handle them on my own eventually. Might as well do it now.

Sabrina and Barrett are waiting on the front porch when I arrive, Ruby and Sara both asleep in their car seats. I smile as I park, Barrett bounding toward the vehicle. I get out of the car and he hugs me before hopping in the backseat. He notices the girls sleeping and turns to me with his index finger to his lips, signalling that he will remain quiet so I can talk to his mom. Sabrina’s smile is polite, but tired, as she greets me handing over Barrett’s bag.

“Thanks, Sabrina,” I say, accepting the bag. She promises all the necessities are there, like Mr. Chompers, his favorite stuffed animal. “I appreciate you letting me come get him today.”

“Of course,” she insists, though her tone seems hesitant and I wonder if she’s really okay with this. There is a faint crease in her brow; her shoulders appear tense beneath her oversized sweater.

She waves at Barrett as I put his bag into the backseat. I hear Ruby getting fussy and I unbuckle her carseat so I can pick her up. Cradled in my arms, swaying gently, she settles down; her tiny fist gripping my pinkie finger as we move. Sabrina’s eyes soften as she watches, and I don’t miss how she lights up when she sees the baby up close.

“She’s so sweet,” Sabrina coos.

“She really is,” I reply, smiling down at my precious girl. I glance back at Sabrina; there’s hesitation in her eyes, like she wants to say something but isn’t sure where to begin. Should I offer to let her hold Ruby, or would that be weird? We don’t actually know each other very well and I shouldn’t assume everyone wants baby snuggles. Before I talk myself out of it, I nudge Ruby towards her. “Would you like to hold her?”

Sabrina’s eyes widen slightly. For a moment, she looks as though she might say no, but then she reaches out with trembling hands to take the baby. Ruby stirs and lets out a small whimper, and Sabrina’s face lights up. She cradles Ruby close, running her thumb over her soft cheek, a smile breaking through her weariness.

“Alex and I have talked about having kids after the wedding,” she says, speaking of her fiancée. “But I don’t know if I could handle more than one. I don’t know how you do it, honestly. Barrett gives me enough trouble all on his own.”

That last part intrigues me. I never would have known that she’s had issues with him before. I suppose it’s possible that he behaves differently for his mom than he does for his dad. I know Sara gives me a harder time than she gives anyone else.

“I think you might surprise yourself,” I say after a moment. “I never thought I would be able to handle two kids under two, but it’s been okay so far.”

I want to encourage her, but I don’t want to get too deep or overstep boundaries. I want to tell her that she’s capable of more than she knows, and if I can do this, anyone can. She and Owen get along so well–much better than me and Adam–and I want to make a good impression for our first interaction.

“You have Owen to help you though. I’m not sure what Alex would be like as a new dad. I’m not sure he has the patience for it.” That statement worries me. It makes me wonder if he’s lost his patience with Barrett before. If he has, Barrett has never mentioned it and I’m certain if Owen had any inkling that things were not right, he would intervene. I might have to talk to him about that later…

“Sometimes I wonder if things are moving too fast,” she continues, her voice low, like she’s worried someone will overhear.

“I can’t say much about things moving too quickly because of how quickly things escalated between me and Owen,” I reply nervously. It feels weird talking to my boyfriend’s ex-wife about how quickly our relationship progressed after their divorce.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it awkward. I just… I can tell you from experience that if you’re not sure about getting married, you have to trust your instincts. I wish I would have.”

Sabrina gives me a faint, appreciative smile, her gaze drifts back to Ruby. “You’re right.” She pauses, her brow furrowing. Ruby’s tiny hand grasps her finger. “Sometimes, I wonder if I am just afraid of failing again.”

I study Sabrina’s expression. Vulnerability etched into her features as she cradles my daughter. It’s a side of her I’ve never seen before, and the raw moment unsettles me. I feel empathy for her. She’s not just Owen’s ex-wife; she’s Barrett’s mother. She’s a woman trying to navigate a romantic situation she’s clearly uncertain about.

“I get it,” I say, shifting my weight as I adjust the strap of the bag on my shoulder. “Fear of failing doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it again. It just means you have to learn from what didn’t work last time. That’s why we call the first one a ‘practice marriage,’” I chuckle, hoping to lighten the mood.

She smiles. I take that as a sign to continue. “Maybe, it’s about finding someone who is willing to learn alongside you, not expect you to have it all figured out.”

Sabrina looks at me like she’s contemplating whether or not her current partner fits that description. I don’t pry and I doubt she’s going to offer up that information. Regardless, I appreciate that she is taking my words to heart. It means a lot that she isn’t dismissive of what I have to say, even if I am nearly a decade younger than her and dating her ex-husband…

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