Page 21 of Redemption

In this moment, I know with absolute certainty that I’m being given a chance to right a wrong.

It’s not a second chance with an old flame.

I’m sure as hell not the man I was back then, and who knows if Grace and I would even have anything in common anymore. I know the loneliness I’ve felt over the years was of my own making, but in a very short period of time the woman in my arms—here and now—has already eased that feeling more than she’ll ever understand.

Somehow the universe put Sloane in my path, and I feel connected to her on a level that I’ve never felt with anyone in my life. If I can do one thing right, and I know there’s no erasing the loss she experienced, maybe we can help each other heal.

“He was a selfish asshole to leave you. Leave your whole family, I mean,” I finally say, and she stiffens in my arms, her head hitting my chin as she turns her glare up at me.

I don’t know what it is she sees in my eyes, but her words die on her lips.

“He was. And I was.” I get those words out before turning to look at the spot Grace and I used to picnic; where we spent entire afternoons exploring each other’s bodies.

“I should have died in that fucking desert,” I tell her. “I wished for death every day for months afterwards. Stuck in that goddamn bed, on my stomach because my backside was burned to shit. You know they sometimes put IEDs in animal carcasses? That way, even if you live, the infection from the rotting flesh might still get ya.”

“The woman you used to picnic with here,” Sloane says, piecing it all together. “What happened to her?”

“I don’t know. My mail was rerouted to me in the hospital, but I had the nurses toss the letters away. Never once tried to open my old email address either,” I respond, looking down at Sloane so she can see what a bastard I was. Hell, maybe still am.

“My father was down as my next of kin,” I continue. “If you told that man you didn’t want to talk, he would walk away until you were ready. That’s what he did, from the time a nurse brought me a phone a couple of weeks after the explosion until almost two years later when I finally decided to come home.”

“You never tried to find her?”

“No. It took that long for me to be able to fake being whole in front of my family, I sure as fuck wasn’t up for the look of disgust on her face when she saw me naked.”

“Granted it was a quickie that first time, but I was alittle peevedyou barely lowered your jeans,” Sloane tells me, nudging me with her shoulder.

“Yeah, I caught that. And there I was like a schoolboy, fucking you against a door after years of only getting head.” I can see the shock on her face when she truly registers my confession. I mayhave come close to saying it to her the other day, but now seems as good a time as any for her to know that.

“One of the hardest things for me is that I can’t ever get any closure. I’m somehow just supposed to button up my feelings and go on with my life without him.” More than her words, I understand what she isn’t saying.

It isn’t the first time in the past decade I considered looking Grace up, but at this point, wouldn’t I just be cutting open an old wound?And dousing it with salt.Is the next thought that pops into my head.

“What about your family? Have you seen any of them since you moved up here?” I ask and feel her nod her head against my chest.

“Beau came up here this past Christmas,” she whispers, and I hear her stomach rumble. “I don’t think I’d ever spent time with just him before. Billy, yes, but Beau and Austin are a year apart and always together. I guess they didn’t want to crowd me.”

“I’ve been wondering how badly I’ve beencrowdingyou.” My words come out as a statement, and she pushes away from me long enough to maneuver around so she’s sitting facing me with her legs circling my hips.

“I appreciate that you’re not like your father,” she slowly responds. “Things got prettyrealthe other night and I needed to wrap my head around it. Us, I mean.”

“How I live? It’s not always an easy life, but what I’ve been thinking more and more since I met you is that I’ve got to stop punishing myself. I have fucked up along the way, that aside, I’d like to think I’ve also done some good things.”This is not the conversation I expected to have today,I think to myself. Honestly, I thought we’d be fucking by this point, but since I’ve come this far, “If you can’t see yourself making a life with me,here in Virginia and with the MC, I’d like to know now. We go our own ways, no hard feelings.”

Tears well up in Sloane’s eyes again and just before dread overtakes me, she leans up to kiss me. I’m so shocked, I’m just starting to react when she pulls back.

“You can’t ghost me, Andrew,” she growls at me, fire back in her gaze even as a tear runs down her face. “No matter what, because I will come after you and I won’t be coming alone.”

I let out a laugh before I start to kiss away her tears, until I realize what her threat means. “Wait a minute, do you have cousins too?”

“My cousins outnumber your Northern Grizzlies,” she answers with a nod, and I realize she doesn’t know about the other chapters—not that I’m getting into a pissing war over this, not when she’s agreed to be mine.

We sit in each other’s arms, gently kissing each other until I know I need to stand up. “Babe, I think the ants are making off with our dinner.”

After giving me another squeeze, she scoots backwards to start repackaging the food and allowing me to stand and stretch.

Chapter 9

Sloane

---