Page 59 of In Flight

“Yes, you should have called.” I hear motion on the other end of the call. He’s definitely gotten out of bed. “Are you still at the wedding hotel? I can be there in twenty minutes.”

“Please don’t.” The words come out with a whimper. “I don’t want to be here anymore. Maybe I can come there?”

“Yes! Yes, of course you can. But don’t try to drive. I’ll come to pick you up.”

“No, my dad called his car service for me. I’ve had too much to drink to drive anywhere right now. They’ll be here any minute.”

“Okay. Good. Come straight here.” The background sounds have stilled, so he must have stopped rushing around, throwing on his clothes. “Can’t you tell me what it is?”

“It’s nothing big. I promise. I just... I just fell apart. It’s really embarrassing.”

“I thought you never get embarrassed.”

“I don’t.” I sniff and wipe my eyes, pleased that the sobs aren’t as obvious in my voice anymore.

“If you say so.” His murmur is warm and thick. Exactly the sound I want to hear. “Well, get the driver to bring you here. You can fall apart on me.”

***

ISAAC IS AS GOOD AShis word. As soon as he opens his apartment door, I burst into tears at the sight of his tangled waves and concerned expression. He draws me over to his couch and wraps his arms around me, letting me cry into his T-shirt until I can control myself enough to talk.

My explanation is rambling and messy and rather wet. “Like I said, it’s really nothing. It’s just... I don’t even know. I’m so tired and haven’t gotten much sleep. And then after the wedding and the big parts of the reception, it felt like such a relief. But also a letdown. I have no idea why. So I drank too much. Way more than normal. And then I acted kind of silly, which wouldn’t be a big deal. But I... But I...” I choke on new sobs and force out “It was such a mistake.”

Isaac still has one arm around me, so I feel when he stiffens dramatically. His tone is different when he asks softly, “What did you do?”

“Not that!” I clutch fistfuls of his shirt. “Isaac, I would never. Never! Never do anything with another man no matter how drunk I was. I promise.”

He relaxes immediately and strokes my hair back from my damp face. “I didn’t think so. Sorry. I know it’s not about me, but I got momentarily worried.”

“I know. Of course you did.” He handed me tissues when I got here, and I’ve now got a big bunch of them in one hand. I use them to mop at my face. “I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s not that at all.”

“So what is it?”

“It’s... My mom was nagging at me. Just for normal stuff. About how I need to get my hair and nails done and let a professional help me with my makeup. And how I should let her take me shopping and how I need to lose fifteen pounds. And I... I lost it.”

“You lost it?”

“I snapped. Yelled at her. Told her off.” A chill has washed over me, stilling my tears. I straighten, pulling away from Isaac. “It was... It was bad.”

“No, it wasn’t bad.” He sits up more too, rubbing my back just below my shoulder blades. “I don’t care what you said to her. She deserved it. She’s never treated you right.”

“She’s not been great, but she’s never been that bad. And this was at Raven’s wedding. In front of a few of her friends. I was so mean.” I burst into tears again, squeezing my eyes shut as my whole body shakes. “I’m never mean. I’ve never been so mean in my life. It was so, so bad.”

He wraps both arms around me and pulls me into a hug. “You weren’t mean. You’re not capable of being mean.”

“Yes, I am,” I mumble against his now-damp shirt.

“I don’t think so. Your mean is everyone else’s normal state of being. But even if you were mean, she deserves it. You’ve put up with too much from your family for too long, and you’ve never stood up for yourself. You did tonight. You don’t have to feel bad about that.”

“I do. I hurt her.”

“And how many times has she hurt you?”

I don’t have an answer for him, but the question pierces the exhausted fog of my head.

Despite everything, it makes me feel better.

I cry on and off for another twenty minutes, until I’m finally able to stop for real. I recline limply against Isaac’s chest. We’ve somehow ended up stretched out on the couch together with me between his legs.

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