Page 79 of Steps

Mom’s on her way downstairs. She creases herforehead when she sees me. “Everything all right?”

“Yeah,” I lie, forcing a smile. I close his roomdoor and descend the stairs behind her.

Varen shows up after we’ve had dinner, and Mom andDaniel are watching TV in the living room. Upset with him, I get up to godownstairs.

He follows me to the lower level, stopping me inthe passage. “Hey, wait.” I turn my head when he leans in for a kiss. Scowling,he asks, “The hell’s that about? Are you mad at me for something?”

I pull away from him. “You’re still taking thosepills.”

Varen narrows his eyes. “What are you talkingabout?”

“Don’t lie, I saw them in your closet.”

Annoyance morphs his features. “Toya, why the fuckwere you snooping in my room?”

“I wasn’t,” I hiss in a hushed tone then glanceupstairs, making sure no one is coming. “I was hanging your dry-cleaned clotheswhen I saw it. You took some, didn’t you?”

He lingers on my face before hanging his head inshame. “I couldn’t sleep the other night so...”

“Ugh.” I spin away from him.

Varen chases me into my room. “Don’t be mad. Itold you they help me sleep sometimes.”

“No.” Cocking my hip, I speak in a firm tone, “Ithink you’readdicted.”

He sucks his teeth. “I’m not. I don’t take themthat often.”

I wobble my head in frustration. “I don’t believe you.You’re lying to everyone. You’re not doing better at all.”

“Come on.” He lifts his hand to my face.

“Don’t.” I back up. “You should leave before theysuspect something.”

He scoffs. “The way you’re looking at me; it’s asif you’re disgusted.”

I drop my eyes from his gaze. “I’m just worriedyou might be more hooked than you realize. Maybe this thing between us was justa distraction after all. Maybe…”

“Don’t you fucking finish that sentence. You knowit’s deeper than that.” He heaves a sharp sigh. “Look, I’ll flush them.”

I wobble my head. “You’ll get more.”

Varen reaches for my hand. “Toya—”

“Just leave,” I insist, not meeting his gaze.“They’ll notice.”

He draws air through his teeth. “I’ll come backlater when they’re asleep.”

“Not tonight,” I mutter. “I’m tired.”

Varen hisses. “Fucking fine then.” He swivels andmarches out of my room, shutting the door behind him.

“Ugh.” I plop down on my bed and wipe my faceroughly. Did I just push him away? Wouldn’t it have been better for him to cometo my bed tonight instead of taking pills to sleep in his?

No. Varen can’t depend on me in such a way. Heneeds to deal with his issues without my body and without those damn pills.

Varen and I barely speak the next two days. He doesn’tpick me up at school either because I’ve borrowed Mom’s car again.

We don’t have any alone time at the house with herand Marie, the wedding planner, preparing for Scotland. It will only get hardersince Alison will be home starting next week once she finishes her semester atuniversity.

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