Page 65 of Steps

“Are you sure?” My breathing has amplified. I’mriddled with worry.

Varen holds my hand. “He caught me smoking onetime at a dinner his parents hosted. He didn’t rat on me then.” He tugs at myside. “Come on. Let’s go for a ride before we go home.”

I’m still worried. What if August blows the lid onthis thing between Varen and me? What exactly will happen? Will we be able tostay together?

14

By Monday, it’s clear August is keeping his word,considering Daniel and my mom haven’t confronted us. Still, a part of me wishesit’ll come out in the open.

As Kenya gushes about her date over the weekendwith Stephen Mathews, I can’t help feeling jealous. I want to talk about thejoy I have with Varen. How he makes me laugh and feel as if I’ll burst from anoverflow of desire. How butterflies crowd my tummy with only one glance, and myheart skips a beat whenever he smiles at me.

I want to kiss him freely without worrying ifsomeone might spot us and tell our parents. I want to be with him and not havethe little voice at the back of my head, reminding me that his dad is going tobe my stepfather. I want to yell from rooftops that I’m experiencing somethingbeautiful with Varen. I want to shout that...

“I think I’m falling in love with Varen,” Iconfess, unable to keep it from my best friend any longer.

Her smile falters. She sets down her drink. “Comeagain? Which Varen?”

“Varen Kirby,” I clarify, his name sending warmthover my body. “Daniel’s son.”

Kenya’s eyes expand. “Your soon-to-be step—”

“I know you don’t have to say it.”

“Shit,” she mutters, staring at me with concern.“Toya, how did that happen?”

“We got close. We talk a lot. We kiss and touch insecret every chance we get. We’ve even been on dates. Sometimes he spends thenight in my bed.”

“Oh my God!” She blinks in amazement. “And yourmom has no idea? Not even Daniel?”

I pick at my nails. “We’ve been careful not toseem too obvious around them.”

“Damn, girl. What are you going to do? I mean, youtold me your mom and Daniel have set a date.”

“Yeah.” I blow out a long sigh. “They’ll bemarried this summer.”

Kenya considers for a moment. “Okay. Maybe it’snot so bad. It’s not like you’re blood-related.”

I massage my temples. “But how can I date mystepbrother?”

She twists her glossy lips in thought. “Maybe theywon’t be too against it?”

“Yeah, right. They’ll be pissed, and I don’t wanthim to disconnect from his family to be with me. He’s already lost his mom, andhe’s not in the best place with his dad. I don’t want to make things worse.”

Kenya throws up her hand. “So are you going tokeep seeing each other in secret? Someone will find out eventually.”

A thought arises. “I could date him when I move toCali. But that’s next year and who knows if Varen will still feel the same wayabout me then. Will he even want a long-distance relationship?”

She wrinkles her forehead. “Does he know that youlove him? Does he love you, Toya?”

I chew at my bottom lip. “I feel it every timewe’re close. The way he looks at me, the way he touches me. He’s never saidthose words though.” I slouch. “Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe I’m the only onefeeling this intense. Maybe it’s not that deep.”

“It’s something.” Kenya turns her head slowly inwonder. “Your first boyfriend and he’s your stepbrother. I feel likecomplications always find you.”

“Tell me about it.”

The bell rings, ending the lunch period. We clearour trash from the table and walk to class.

She hooks her arm around mine. “Can’t believe I’vebeen so oblivious. My gosh, it’s super clear now.”

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