Page 35 of Steps

He snorts. “Because my eyes still freaking hurt,Toya.”

Swallowing, I pace around to the other side of thebed and sit with my back against the tufted headboard, knees up to my chest.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” I mutter.

Varen answers with a question of his own, “Whatwas your mom like when you were growing up?”

I decide to keep the focus on him. “What’s up withyou and your dad? He’s obviously trying, but you won’t budge.”

“Hmm. My dad sent my ass to rehab last summerbecause I was embarrassing him in front of his friends. He couldn’t brag aboutme the way he does Alison.”

“Is it possible you misunderstood?” I ask, voicefull of reason. “Seems like a good dad concerned for his son.”

“Either way. I can’t talk to him about anything.”

Somehow, I’m able to relate. The words spill frommy lips while I’m picking at my pajama pants. “My mom never listens. I just goalong with whatever she decides for us.” I wince when I realize I’ve said thatout loud. Mom doesn’t want any of the Kirbys knowing about our issues.

Seconds go by with only silence until he says,“You matter, too. The same way you tell me to talk to my dad, you should trytalking to your mom about how you really feel.”

His words hit a nerve. I harrumph and attempt tofix it. “We’re fine. But I can see you aren’t. Your dad is clearly sad aboutyour relationship.”

He snivels. “Dad’s exhausted, actually. I’vedisappointed him one too many times.”

I don’t know what to say to that, so I remainquiet, thinking.

“I’m still curious about something,” he says,rolling over to stare at me in the shadows. “How come you’ve never had aboyfriend?”

I eyeball him even though he can’t see it. “Sothat’s why you came to my room.”

“No, I really want to hang out. That’s just stillon my mind.”

“Ugh. Guess no one at my school is interested.”

“Liar,” he says. “I think you push them away.”

He’s right. A few guys have made subtle hints, butI squash it out of fear of ending up used like my mom.

I suck my teeth. “Anyway, that shouldn’t concernyou.”

“Why is that?” he whispers, lightly touching myfeet and causing a spark under my skin. “What if I want to be your first?”

“You don’t mean that.” Frustrated with my emotions,I jump up from the bed. “Either way, you’re not my type. You’re a bad boy,Varen. I want to keep my heart intact and not in pieces. And how many times doI need to remind you, your dad is engaged to my mom.”

“Geez. All right.” Varen heaves a long, intenseexhale. He pushes to his feet and walks to the door. “Thanks for letting mechill here a bit.” He turns to open the door.

“Wait, you’re going to bed, right?” I chip at mynails. “You’re not taking off again, are you?”

“Actually, think I’ll go to bed. I’m not feelingso bad anymore.”

My shoulders relax, happy to have given him somecomfort. No matter if I don’t understand it.

“Good. See you in the morning then.”

He smirks. “Night. You can go dream about me now.”

“Ugh. Get out.”

I lock the door as soon as he steps into thepassage, jumping into the bed frustratingly. But once I calm down, I pick up onthe faint scent of his cologne on my sheet.

---