Page 182 of Steps

Heart racing, I jump up from the bed and standbefore him. “Varen, we’ve talked about this. I’m staying.”

“You don’t have to be afraid,” he assures me,touching my arms. “My love isn’t going anywhere. I know it’s because you’venever had something this good before. It’s the same for me. But it’d be sofucking selfish of me to stand by and watch you give up your dreams.”

“Varen,” I mutter, voice low as tears threaten tofall. “It’s okay. I want to stay here.”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he lifts a hand to mycheek and tells me sweetly, “Toya, you won’t lose me. I promise. It’s perfectlyfine to live your life and still keep me.”

Feeling the tears coming on, I lower my head asthey dribble down my face.

Varen kisses my forehead. “It’s all right. Youdon’t need to fight to convince yourself anymore. You can tell me the truth.”

I nod and raise my head, voice cracking as Iadmit, “I do want to go. I’m just afraid of what will happen to us.”

He wipes away my tears, slopes his head, andpresses a soft kiss to my lips. Easing back, he reassures me, “We’ll be allright, baby. But regardless, you can’t hold on to me like this and forget aboutyourself. You need to live, Toya. You’re eighteen now. You should go out intothe world and accomplish all those things you wrote about in your diary.”

I touch his hand that’s caressing my face. “Whatabout you? If I leave, will you truly be okay without me?”

A half-smile appears. “I’m going to work on mydemons once and for all, and be a better, more deserving guy for you.”

More tears start to fall. “I could just go to UMD.I can stay here with you, Varen.”

He pulls me into his loving arms. “Please don’tsettle for anything less than what you want. Toya, if you stay and never goafter those dreams, you’ll hate me. By letting you go, you’ll come back to mewhen you’re ready.”

I press my eyes shut and unravel in his arms. God.This guy has just made me fall deeper in love with him.

“We’ll spend summer together, but you’re leavingfor California by the end of August even if I have to drag you on the plane.”

This manages to draw a chortle out of me.

“If you want to go back to the house to make it alittle easier, I’m okay with that.”

“I’m not,” I tell him, wiping my face. “I’ll stayhere until I leave for Cali.”

He heaves a long, deep breath and says withrenewed strength, “Okay. Let’s make it one hell of a summer.”

I smile up at him.

Varen arches his brow. “First, you’ll need to telleveryone.”

“Ugh.” I press my head into his chest again.“Yeah. I will.”

My mom, as expected, isn’t as upset that I keptthe acceptance from her. I’m sure it’s because she’s happier about the factthat I’m leaving for California this Fall and will be far away from Varen.

Daniel and Alison, on the other hand, are bothconfused as to why I hid it. When I see Alison for her twenty-first birthday,she reminds me I’m going to make up for lying the next time we go jogging.Great. In no way am I looking forward to that.

Somehow, I manage to put Cali at the back of mymind for the following weeks, until the welcome packet arrives just in time formy first anniversary of falling for my stepbrother.

I’m receiving a partial scholarship and grant, butit’s not enough to cover boarding. Despite my protests, Daniel is adamant abouttaking care of it. He wants me to save the money Gran left for when I want totreat myself.

Everyone is excited about the next stage of mylife. I am too, but still sad to leave Varen.

We’ve decided to declare the first night we wentout together to that pizza place last year as our anniversary. Since it’s on aSunday this year, Varen surprises me the moment I wake up with breakfast in bedand plans to go biking.

“It’s the one thing we didn’t get to do,” he says,sitting beside me on the bed while I eat. “Remember? When you were listing allthe ideas for dates?”

I chortle before sipping my coffee. “Well, theyweren’t ideas for dates at the time.”

He scoffs. “You were just too shy to admit it.”

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