Page 160 of Steps

I frown. “But we can soar together.”

Kenya sighs deeply. “This is where being teenscome into play. You haven’t lived. Neither of you. Maybe Varen wants you toexperience a great deal then come back to him.” She shrugs. “That’s just myopinion.” She resumes looking through the clothes.

Her words stay on my mind all the way back to theapartment. When I walk in, I’m surprised to see Mom sitting on the couch withVaren. The air seems taut.

“Mom?” I mutter, lingering by the door.

Varen stands and saunters up to me. “You two talk.I’ll go out for a bit.” He kisses my cheek before stepping out the door,closing it behind him.

I place the shopping bag with the Christmas giftson the bed then take off my jacket.

Mom rises from the couch. “I wanted to see you,and to give you these.” She pulls out two medium-size brown envelopes from herhandbag.

Stepping closer, I crinkle my forehead and ask,“What are those?”

“Early replies,” she answers. “From UCLA and UMD.”

My eyes bug out; heart begins to race, and a shakybreath escapes me. I take the envelopes from her bony fingers.

She watches me as I flip them over, seeing thelogo for UCLA on top.

“I didn’t mention them to Varen. Does he know youapplied to that college in California?” She seems pleased.

I turn my head slowly. “No. I only wanted to seeif I’d get in.”

“Oh.” She glances at the envelopes. “Are you goingto open them now?”

“Um, I’d like to open them with everyone, ifthat’s okay.”

Her eyes soften. “If it’s an acceptance, which I’msure they’ll both be, you should go to California.”

Of course, she’d say that. She wants me far fromher stepson.

I wrinkle my brows. “Mom, I’ve already decided tostay close. That’s what you wanted, too.”

She shakes her head, curls bouncy. “You made thatdecision because of Varen, now that I’m aware of your true feelings for oneanother.” She edges closer. “You said something at Thanksgiving that I’ve beenthinking about. After these past months without you, I get it now. Toya, you’vealways put your dreams aside for someone else. Before, it was me, until youfelt as if you couldn’t stay with me anymore and decided to run off to Cali.But look how fast you gave that up when I asked you to? You’re doing the samething for Varen.” She pauses. “I talked to him, Toya, he’s terrified you’llresent him if you don’t follow your dreams. And I’ve learned that he’s stilldealing with a lot.”

I scoff. “Since when do you and Varen get deeplike that?”

She throws up a hand. “Well, that was something Irealized, too, that’s why I reached out. I never really talked to Varen withoutDaniel being present. Never made him feel like he could have a decentconversation with me. But we finally got the chance. And I truly see how youended up falling in love with him.”

Her words sound so genuine, it causes a tear toseep out. “I’m happy you’ve realized that, Mom. But as for Cali, I’m not going.Johns Hopkins has a great program, according to this friend of August. I’llstay in Baltimore, improve my craft, and support Varen in any way I can untilhis demons are completely dealt with. I’m not going out of state. It’s too farfrom him, and too far from you.”

Mom lifts her hand to my face and grazes itlovingly. “Toya, don’t throw away your dreams for a boy.”

I sigh. “I’m not. This is what I really want.”

She lingers on me before saying, “All right. Comeby for dinner tomorrow, both of you. I’ll make up for Thanksgiving. And you canopen those with us.” A smile coils her lips.

Butterflies play in my tummy as the thought ofgetting into UCLA rushes me. I clear them away. My mind is set on Johns Hopkinsor UMD.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I tell her on a smile.

It feels so incredible when she enfolds me in hermotherly arms. It’s as if she hasn’t hugged me in years.

“See you,” she murmurs before going out the door.

I amble to the bed and sink down with theenvelopes on my lap. Unable to stop myself, I pry open the one from UCLA.

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