Page 141 of Steps

She looks at me again. “As I’ve said, Toya, onlymy brother can help himself.”

Mom has been getting out of her room more as thedays go by. She gives me the impression she’s slowly healing.

Monday night, Daniel convinces her to go out fordinner. I wasn’t sure if he meant me as well until he told me to get dressed.

We dine at his favorite Italian restaurant. Momand Daniel carry on in small talk and joke with each other. Seeing them likethis brings me joy, even though Daniel doesn’t really include me in theconversations.

Mom notices, and she eyes me sadly throughout theevening.

When we reach home later, she stalls by the stairsand says, “I suddenly have a craving for ice-cream. Dan, why don’t you takeToya with you. She knows my favorite spot to get those mini tubs.”

Sneaky woman.

He glances at me, awkward. Then tells her, “Sure.Be back in a few.”

We head out once more, and I direct him to theice-cream shop in our old neighborhood Mom used to frequent in the summertime.

Daniel studies the different flavors as if they’rethe most fascinating thing in the world. Finally, he says to me, “I’m feelingfor a cup. How about you?”

“Yeah, me too.” I pick at the fabric of my skirtas my last memory of eating ice-cream in the park with Varen floods my mind.

While we’re waiting for our turn, Daniel’s phonepings. He reads the text. “Your mom says she’s going to bed so no rush.”

“Hm. Think she’s just trying to get us to talk.”

He frowns as he stares at me, but doesn’t utter aword. When it’s our turn, Daniel orders chocolate in a cup—like Varen—and I getvanilla.

Deciding to wait to purchase a tub for Mom, westroll along the sidewalk.

“I’m sorry about what happened,” I tell him. “Notsure if I’ve said that to you.”

He exhales intensely. “I’m sorry, too.”

A part of me screams to tell him about his son.“Daniel, Varen stopped going to those meetings. He’s also back on pills.”

Daniel crinkles his brows as he looks at me. “Howdo you know that?”

“Alison,” I reply simply.

We stop at a bench on the corner and sit down. “Hecalled after Lisa came home from the hospital, but I didn’t answer. When I didtry calling back, he ignored me.”

“Varen blames himself.” I play around with myice-cream, losing interest in it fast. “I do too.”

Daniel meets my gaze without distress on his facefor the first time in weeks. “It’s not your fault, neither of you. I’m sorry Imade you feel that way.”

I drop my eyes to the melting ice-cream. “I brokeup with Varen, and I think that’s part of the reason why he’s gone back to hisold habits.”

“Toya, he was bound to go back eventually.”

“I don’t believe that.” I glance at him again. “I thinkit’s just difficult for him to deal with heartbreak. Daniel, isn’t theresomething you could do? Maybe try and convince him to go back to the griefmeetings, or maybe spend time in rehab again if it’s hard for him to quit thepills?”

He pats my shoulder. “I’ll go see my son tomorrow.But I doubt he’ll listen to anything I have to say. This is usually how it iswith us.”

“Then…” I release a nervous breath. “Maybe it’llhelp if I talk to him.”

Daniel turns his eyes from mine and lowers them tothe ground. “I saw you at the hospital.”

I swallow hard, fighting off the awful memory.

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