Page 33 of Steps

I’m unable to sleep on Wednesday night, so I stayup in the family room working on a short story in my journal.

The rest of the house is dark except for the lampon the table by the loveseat where I’m sitting.

I hear rifling on the main level and become alert.Discreetly, I set my journal on the table and sneak to the stairs, peeking upat the entryway.

Varen’s fumbling around with his keys. He locksthe door and sways upstairs. He doesn’t look right. I hide and watch him slowlytake them one at a time. Perhaps not wanting to wake up his dad.

Worried, I go upstairs to check on him once he’sin his room. He didn’t lock his door. I enter and push it up behind me.

“Varen,” I whisper in the dark room. I can barelymake out his frame on the bed. “Are you all right?”

“Leave me alone, Toya,” he murmurs. “I’m not goodfor you. Don’t worry about me. Don’t care for me. I’ll disappoint you.”

“Stop talking like that.” I flick on the light byhis bed.

Varen squints and turns away. “What the fuck? Thathurts.”

“Sorry.” I move around the bed to get a betterlook at him. He glances at me in this sad way. His eyes show his fatigue, andhe reeks of alcohol.

I press the back of my hand against his forehead.

“Maybe you should take a cold shower. You don’tlook or feel good.”

“I’m fine,” he moans and brushes my hand away.

“Where have you been? Haven’t seen you sinceSunday.”

He scoffs. “I was staying away. Isn’t that whatyou want? For me to stay away from you?”

Something pricks in my chest. I whisper, “I justwant you to be okay.”

“Only your body can make me feel okay.” A throatylaugh follows.

I huff. “You know what? Forget it.” I’m about tostorm off, but Varen springs up and grabs my hand.

“What was your last boyfriend like?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Tell me,” he insists, keeping his voice low.

Sighing, I drop my eyes from him and admit, “I’venever had a boyfriend.”

He jerks my hand. “Really?”

I pull it away, turning nervous the longer hetouches me. “Yes, really.”

“How come?” Varen seems so curious.

Rifling my curls, I huff and tell him, “We’re notdoing this.”

“Why’d you come to my room, Toya?” he asks, desirein his hazy eyes.

“Because…” I decide to be honest about that part.“I can’t help but worry about you.”

“Hm. How cute.” Varen takes a deep breath andflattens on his back while closing his eyes. “You worrying about me actuallymakes me feel special.” His breathing turns labored as if he’s dozing off tosleep. “Lie down with me. Keep me company.”

I shiver at the invitation. Gawd! My bodydesperately wants to. I even edge closer to the bed and touch his sheets. Butmy mind stops me. “You know I can’t. It’s not—”

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