Page 15 of Risks

“They’re cutthroat,” Alison saysabout the men at the law firm after drinking some wine. “The women hold theirown. I’m one of two people there in grad school, so I have to work extra hardto prove myself.”

“I’m sure you have their respect,”Daniel remarks. “You’ve always been great at what you do.”

“Will you stay in New York?” I askher.

She twists her mouth while hummingin thought. “I’m not sure. I do like the firm, and Manhattan is my kind ofcity. You should visit this summer. I’ll take you around.”

I perk up with interest. “Oh, that—”

“I’d like to have my girlfriend forthe summer,” Varen throws in, squashing the idea. “We’re already going monthsapart.”

Alison clicks her tongue andeyeballs him.

I smile when Varen turns to me.“It’d only be for a week or two.”

He sniffs. “We’ll see.”

“Hm.” I’m about to resume eating butpause on Mom at the end of the table. She appears deep in thought, pushing thefood around her plate. I realize then that she’s been quiet for the most part. Maybeshe can’t spend the whole day masking her sadness after all.

Everyone throws her worried looksbut leaves her be, considering what she’s going through.

Daniel starts back up theconversations. Once we finish eating, Mom quietly veers off into the livingroom without a word.

Varen signals with his eyes for meto go talk to her while they clean up. Stepping into the living room, I findMom sitting on the sofa, staring at her phone.

“Hey.” I lower beside her.

She sets her phone on the woodencoffee table and turns to me. “What’s up?”

“What’s up?” I blink at herin amazement. “Mom, last night, you—”

“I’ve already gotten it out of mysystem,” she assures me with extra optimism in her voice. “I’ve shed my tears,and I’m moving on.”

Detecting the pretense, I frownwhile observing her. “Mom, you don’t have to force yourself. It’s okay. He wasyour—”

“He wasnothing, Toya.” She sucksher teeth. “It was foolish of me to think that man would have softened afterall these years. But Momma was right. I meant nothing to him. That’s why shebrought me to see him as a little girl.”

Her words confuse me. “What do youmean? I thought she wanted you to meet him.”

“Not exactly.” She rubs her lefttemple while staring off into space. “I kept asking about him. So, Momma wantedto prove that he didn’t want me.”

A horrible feeling buds inside as I graspwhat she’s saying. “Grandma brought you to New York for him to shun you to yourface?”

She looks at me with pursed lips. “Mommahad a way of proving her point.” She wobbles her head, making her curls dance. “AsI’ve always told you, Toya. Your grandma was kinder toyou. She showeredyou with love because you were everything she wanted me to be.”

“Is that why you were so hard on me?”My voice rasps from the burn in my throat as I fight the urge to cry.

Her brown eyes wilt with regret, andshe lightly touches my face. “I’ll spend the rest of my life atoning for mymistakes.”

I shake my head and draw a deepbreath. “I wish you’d told me you were reaching out to your father. Iwish...you’d tell me more about your feelings. About what happened between youand Grandma.”

Her hand falls from me. “She had anaffair with a married man, got pregnant, pushed me to be more than I could.Then she got upset when I ended up pregnant at seventeen because I’ddisappointed her. That’s the summary.” She pauses for a beat, sorrow veilingher face. “We were both petty. Whenever Momma disapproved of something, I wentahead and did it. I was a sad little girl who didn’t receive much attention,and I sought it out in the wrong kind of men.”

Something pops into my head. Perhapsnot having her father in her life also contributed to that.

I won’t say it aloud.

“I’m sorry you and Grandma had arocky relationship,” I tell her instead.

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