Page 88 of Roulette: The Madam

The love I had for him as a friend was the only thing that would take time to settle. The love I had for him as a partner was gone before I cleared the threshold of his door. I wasn’t one to harp on or drown in my heartbreak. What was done wasdone.

There were too many beautiful things to see, do, hear, and feel in the world to prioritize brokenness. I chose the latter. Chino didn’t deserve any more of my time or any more of my mind, not even in our breakup. So, I didn’t give him more. He wasn’t allowed to overstay his welcome in my head or heart.

The second a nigga had me fucked up was the second he was exiled. From my life. My body. My thoughts. My schedule.All thingsRoulette.

There was no in between with me. There was no straddling the fence. There were no second chances. Once the line was crossed, the guards went up and on the side you chose was where one was to remain.

Instead of continuing the conversation, I chose to retreat. Things that Israel stirred inside of me, no man had. The things I considered and felt in his presence were terrifying. So instead of digging myself deeper in the hole he’d dug, I fled.

“Eighty-eight days, seventeen hours, and–” he paused, “Twelve minutes.”

I continued, slowly losing my tact.

“And, I can’t wait another fucking second,” he confessed.

His voice was closer. His scent was closer. I could feel the heat from his body against mine. My back slammed against the wall and my eyes closed involuntarily. His breath brushed against my lips. He was so close. We were so close.

“I’m complicated,” he explained, “I’m a complicated man, Princess. You’re no stranger to complicated men. You’re arather complicated woman yourself. And, maybe that’s why I’m invested.”

“Maybe that’s why each time I lay my head on the pillow you’re behind my eyelids. Maybe that’s why every time I stick my dick in a woman that isn’t you, it softens. Maybe that’s why I have suffered internally and externally for eighty-eight days.”

“Maybe that’s why committing to Ramadan with my family this year felt easier and less consuming. I’d already sacrificed my most treasured meal for ninety days. I was already fasting. I was already practicing discipline and selflessness to make sure you healed properly before I confiscated every precious part of you that Allah made so perfectly.”

Muslim. The new fact about Israel was telling.

“You frustrate me, Princess. In the best ways. I’m tired of being frustrated with you. My dick is hard and my mouth is watering at the thought of you. Before I leave this club, Roulette, we’ll both feel better and you will no longer have a reason to be upset with me. Cause, like I said–” he paused briefly, “My heart can’t take that.”

“Isr–”

“That was the worst eighty-eight days of my fucking life,” he breathed out as his fingers went around my neck.

With his tongue, he parted my lips. My nipples hardened against my shirt. The pain they caused subsided as Israel pressed his chest against mine.

Self-control was a thing of the past as my hands rested against the sides of his face. Like lace weaved together, our tongues found a pattern that deepened our connection. Breathlessly, I tasted liquor on his tongue, desperately trying to extract as much as I possibly could so that I could blame my intoxication on something other than his presence.

Get it together, Roulette.

I pulled back, attempting to catch my breath. Not only was I in my place of business, but I was in the hallway. It didn’t matter that it was the private hallway that was reserved for staff and dancers. Israel had absolutely no business on this side of operations, but here he was, lifting my skirt with his right hand.

“Israel–” I whispered against his lips.

“Yes, Princess?”

“How much did you miss me?”

“Too m–”

“Shhh.”

I pressed my index finger against his lips.

“Show me,” I demanded, taking him by the hand and pulling him toward my office.

He refused, remaining grounded. I turned to find him shaking his head, silently. He was onto me. He was on me. And, in a split second, he was underneath me with my ass against the wall, hoisted in the air.

“Israaaaaaeeeeeel–”

Inside me is where he ended, pushing past my soaking barrier with his tool.

---