Page 4 of Roulette: The Madam

“Keep your head down. You have your work cut out for you upon arrival. I feel so much joy considering your new endeavors and what’s in store for you. Partly salty I won’t be there every step of the way. But, even in my sadness, I know you’ve got this.

“You’re a fucking force, baby. There’s nothing no one can sit before you and you not get it done. Your ability to remain progressive in spite of anything, in spite of all things… it reminds me of me… it reminds me ofRichie.”

He took a blow to the chest, too, slowing his words. I watched him swallow the lump in his throat.

“You’ll be great, kid. I have no doubt in my mind about it. Look after your sisters. Even though they’re going to fight you on it. I’m not there, but I’m only a phone call away. Should you ever need me, I’ll be there. You know that though,” he said, kissing the skin of his teeth. “Guess I’m rambling at this point.”

“I’m listening,” I assured him. I could hear him go on all day. He wasn’t a man of many words, so this moment was treasured.

“Appreciate that, baby. But, I have nothing more. Get on that plane and go handle your business.”

“I love you, Teddy.”

“In this lifetime and in the next, Rou. I’m waiting at the entrance for you, baby.”

“Have a bottle and some pantiless dancers.” I laughed with a tilt of my head.

“Whatever you want and you know it. It’s y’all world. I’m just here to make it go round,” he told me, circling his index finger.

“Later.”

I finally began walking backward, retreating to the plane.

“Later.”

I returnedto the plane and reserved the designated seat with the heat from my body and the heaviness of my heart. Because the idea of watching Teddy walk away was far too hurtful, I pulled the laptop onto the table just inches away from me, dug my AirPods into my ears, and began the long list of things to do before I landed.

Work consumed me for the first five hours of the flight. By the sixth hour, a meal was placed on the table along with a bottle of my family’s favorite wine. Chemistry’s hand in my farewell meal was apparent.

“Thank you, Teddy,” I whispered as I bowed my head to pray.

Dear God, thank you for the meal I’m set to receive. I pray that it is fulfilling and nourishing for my health. In Your darling Son’s name, Amen.

I lifted my head after the final word of my prayer crossed my mind. I forked the fully loaded potato, parting the creamy lobster sauce. It added another layer of goodness to the savory side.

Ummm.

Château Lafite washed the thick chunks of potatoes down with ease. I rested the glass next to the plate and proceeded with my meal. The medium steak cut with ease and precisely so.

It was partly due to its temperature of one hundred and fifty degrees and partly due to its size. I preferred my steak lean, thin, and easy to consume. Chewing for minutes at a time wasn’t and would never be on my list of things to do.

I peered out of the window on the left side of the plane as we started our journey across the ocean. Butterflies swarmed in my stomach. The open waters always tugged at my heartstrings. Imastered every skill our father and brother forced us to learn to elevate our survival skills.

Swimming remained difficult for me until I was twenty-two. Through therapy, I discovered my issue wasn’t with the skill itself. Mentally, I was restricting my growth and adaptation in the water. I didn’t trust it because I couldn’t control it.

I didn’t trust it because it was overwhelming. I didn’t trust it because I understood its power. I didn’t trust it becauseI didn’t trust. Nothing and absolutely no one who didn’t share the same blood as me. So, committing to and submitting to its nature proved difficult for me.

Water, however, was likely the only thing Teddy trusted more than the people who shared his blood. Their relationship was impeccable. In every other lifetime, he’d likely been a fish of some kind. We were all convinced.

I curved my spine slightly, finally relaxing against the seat. There was so much waiting for me in Clarke. There were so many possibilities. So many opportunities. I was ready to embark on the path I’d carved for myself. Upon arrival, the ball would begin rolling, instantly.

Throwing myself into work would suppress the ache in my chest. I hadn’t gotten very far, and the yearning had already begun. Not only for my family but for the island itself.

It was the most precious piece of land. It was the definition of paradise. The beauty, nature, and utter peace it granted were immeasurable. Everything was better in St. Catana,everything.

Click.

Clack.

---