Page 30 of Roulette: The Madam

“You a motherfucker. I can’t fucking win with you.”

“You’re not supposed to, nigga. You’re in a lose, lose situation. What part of that don’t you understand? If I take you back, you lose because I will never be the same version of myself.I will be colder. More calculated. Less interested in your pleasure and completely enthralled with my own until the relationship runs its course.

“If I don’t, you still lose. Wasting two million dollars is on you, but please understand that Israel isn’t an option. He’s a choice that was made the second I noticed Kiara in the bed you promised was mine alone. I’m no fool, Chino.

“You caught feelings and that’s fine. Just own your shit because I will own mine if I should ever develop them for a man other than you, which I am almost certain will happen. It’s just a matter of when.”

I encouraged his evacuation with hand signals that led out of the door. It was time for him to leave my home.

“You don’t even like niggas, Roulette.”

“I liked you!” I reminded him. “Poor decision on my part but it happened. Should it happen again, I will be wiser. Smarter.”

“Now you talking about catching feelings for niggas. What yo–”

We made it to the first level where he paused.

“Two million and the nigga you adore– take it or leave it, Chino!”

“I just don’t understand.”

“Bye.”

I was out of words. He didn’t deserve another one from me. I pushed him toward the door, opened it, and watched from inside as he found his way down into the driveway. It was detrimental to my sanity that I watched him get in his car, start the engine, and exit my gates.

Change the code. Égée’s birthday will work just fine.

His change in pace caused a fresh stream of hot air to blow from my nose. When his feet stopped moving altogether, I extended my neck and tilted my head. An explanation for his lingering presence was needed.

“When I said anything for you, Roulette, I meant that shit.”

I rolled my eyes, tired of hearing his voice at this point.

“Goodnight, Chino.”

Waiting for him to leave felt too much like torture, so I decided it was best to leave him to it and lock up behind him. Before my door collided with its frame, his voice carried through the darkness.

“Israel it is, then, baby. I can’t be mad. You don’t fight fair. I’ve known that since I met you and that’s one of the reasons I fell so hard for you. You’re hell, Roulette, but I’d rather burn with you than with any other motherfucker walking this earth. And, for the record, I don’t have feelings for Kiara.

“That shit became clear when you walked through that door. I’ll never have the heart to love another woman when I know there’s one who is everything I’ve ever wanted and needed in a partner. I fell short and I will spend my dying days making up for that.

“I’m alright with my fate and my future as long as you’re part of them both. By the time you lift your pretty head from your pillow, your deposit will have cleared. I love you. Whether it feels like it or not, I love you. Goodnight.”

I strutted my naked body across my floor after securing the locks on the door and making sure Chino had successfully exited my gates. The shower was still running when I entered. I stood underneath the water, allowing it to caress me. Comfort me. Calm my raging heart.

Seven days ago, Chino was an ally. A lover. My only lover. My confidant. My friend. Six days ago, he lost the privilege to be any of those to me anymore. Tonight, he became a stranger. I didn’t know the man standing in my yard, at my front door, or with his head between my legs.

And, for the first time since we’d met, I was as well. I was unreachable, now. Even with two million dollars in myaccount and Chino’s hair line receding from stress, I’d remain unreachable. The quicker he realized it, the richer he’d be because I’d take him for every dollar he had if he let me. I deserved it. He did, too.

Finally, I pulled the sponge from the hook and slid it across my body. Suds lulled me to oblivion. I cleaned my skin and then cleaned my skin again.

The chill of the bathroom whipped my body as I exited. I wrapped a fresh towel around my body and fastened the velcro patch under my armpit. The mat underneath me expanded with the water that I’d collected in the shower.

I tiptoed toward the sink. Heated floors made the bumps on my skin deflate. The smoothness met me in the foggy mirror. I swiped it with my hand. The woman in front of me was as beautiful as I remembered her.

“In case no one has told you lately, you’re unstoppable. You’re loved. You’re desired. You’re incredible. You’re your wildest dream. Everything that is for you will find you. Everyone who is for you will find you. Your beauty is undeniable.

“Your spirit is contagious. You are the light of any room you walk in. Never dim it. Never dumb it down. Shine, Roulette. Shine as brightly and as boldly as your heart desires. Because, you only get one life as Roulette.

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