Page 140 of Roulette: The Madam

“At least it’s a good problem. A tolerable problem. A respectful problem. She’s getting a little expensive, but nothing’s wrong with an expensive problem. I’m one myself.”

“And you’re rubbing off on her.”

I reached into my pocket to retrieve my wallet. She watched as I slid the credit card out and pushed it in her direction.

“For the both of you.”

“Limit?”

“Don’t insult me, Princess.” I pecked her lips. “There’s no limit when it comes to you two. Now, let’s go. These are for you.”

I handed her the red roses. She gave me the same eyes Malaya had seconds ago. With a shake of my head, I asked, “What is it, Princess?”

“Can I have a fridge, too? The one with the glass door so I can see my roses at night, too?”

I sighed. “Yes.”

“Thank you.”

I rounded the car and opened the passenger door. “Get in, woman.”

Clarke’s skylinewas incomparable to anything else. The beauty was awe-striking. Under the city lights, we rode hand-in-hand with the skyscrapers of downtown Clarke serving as our backdrop.

Roulette was lost in her thoughts, taking in the scenery as she listened to the soft tunes playing on the stereo. Exhaustion dampened her liveliness. She’d yawned three times since I’d gotten her in the passenger seat.

Guilt consumed me. I brought her hand up to my lips at the realization that I’d unknowingly introduced her to a new project, a new responsibility that she took on without question. Without regard. Without hesitation.

She didn’t date men with children. She didn’t want any children of her own. Now, I understood why. She didn’t trust herself. She didn’t know how far she’d go for them. She didn’t know how much of herself she was willing to give to them. She feared giving them every piece of her she had, not every piece she had to offer. All of her. Every inch. Every ounce. Everything.

Sorry, Princess.

It was complicated. I was complicated. Our situation was complicated. But, the world I was building was a world I wanted her to be a part of. Malaya was the center of that world before she came along. Now that she was here, she was right there with my daughter. I prayed she understood that because it would help her better understand me.

“Tired?”

She nodded, resting her head on the seat. Another yawn distorted her words.

“I am.”

“You want to turn back? I can take Malaya home for you to get some rest. I’ll come back later tonig–”

“No. I need to get out of the house, Israel. Between work and–” she paused, realizing she was admitting to the struggles of motherhood although she wasn’t a mother.

“Malaya,” I finished her sentence for her, “You haven’t gotten much rest or enjoyed yourself, so you need a night out.”

“It’s not like that.” She sighed. “It’s really not like that.”

“If it is, that’s okay. I understand. I’m often in the same position. But, what I want you to understand is that she is my responsibility, Princess. If ever her presence is too much, tootiring, then I will relieve you of that stress. I’m not immune to your– habibi, I know how you feel about childr–”

“That’s not how I feel about her.”

“I don’t want you to take on too much too fast.”

“She’s not too much. I’m just adjusting. Give me time. I’ll be fine.”

Stubborn. It didn’t matter the situation. Roulette was the same all the way around the board.

“Besides, Israel. She needs me. I feel it. She needs me. Being with me heals something inside of her a little more each day. The girl she is today is not the girl I met that day. She is not the girl that cried on my shoulder in the back of the car.

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