Page 131 of Roulette: The Madam

“Don’t be that way. This is me. We were together for,” he blew out, “What? Six or seven years?”

I chuckled with a shake of my head.

“Besides, two million dollars–”

I waited for him to continue, simultaneously gripping the Glock in my handbag. I removed it, placing it on the counter so that there were no surprises.

“Try it if you want to. I will blow a hole in your chest the size of the state of Huffington.”

“I have no intentions of trying to do shit but get you to calm down and have a conversation with a nigga. I come in peace, Roulette. Always have. Always will.”

“Good.”

I removed the gun from the bartop and placed it on my lap, prepared to shoot if necessary. However, I knew Chino was being honest with his words.

“You look raggedy,” I told him.

His hair was unkempt. So was his attire. I hadn’t noticed him because he didn’t resemble the Chino I’d known.

“It be like that when you lose the best thing that has ever happened to you to a man you look up to while having a child you don’t want with a girl who was just supposed to help you pass time.”

“Sounds like you got yourself into some shit.”

He nodded. “I did. I really did. I brought this all upon myself.”

The pain was in his voice. It was in his appearance. It was in his eyes.

“How are you?”

“It’s me you’re talking to, Chino. I’m well. Even when I’m not– I’m my best self.”

“Are you not?”

“In fact, I am. Very well. I feel the best I have in quite some time.”

“I wish I could tell you that makes me feel good… you know, hearing that. But, it makes me feel like shit knowing it’s not me bringing you that peace of mind.”

“I’ve never counted on a man to be my or to bring me peace of mind, Chino. That’s for women who lack self-awareness, self-respect, and self-confidence. I’m not one of them. A man can’t do anything but enhance my peace. He doesn’t create it.”

“And that’s what I’ve always loved about you.”

“Apparently, not enough, but that’s water under the bridge.”

“Not for me. I feel that shit every day. I regret what I did every day.”

“A beautiful baby girl will be born because of your mistakes. Use her as the light you need to find yourself again. She’ll be worth it. So is Kiara, despite the circumstances. As much as Ihatedthe situation, that’s why I couldn’t hate her. Still can’t.”

“She’s a good person. She really is. Just got caught up in some shit. Couldn’t control her cravings. Cravings that didn’t develop until the stress of life got the best of her.”

“No excuse for her actions, but true. Very true.”

“Yeah. No excuses. For either of us.”

“Cucumber mint martini.”

The bartender slid my drink across the bar. The shots followed. I looked at Chino in pure disgust. Though it wasn’t written over my face, I felt it deep in my core. Nice-nasty was an art Rhea had taught us as children. Remaining poised, even in the eye of your enemy, was mastered at a young age.

Not many situations required the composure of a grazing horse, but this one did. There was no need to hold a grudge toward a man that would live the rest of his life wishing he had done better to keep me in his corner. Every time he thought of or witnessed Israel and I in public or private settings, a little more of him would die inside.

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