Page 36 of Only Forever

I’m not leaving until we talk.

Please open the door. I promise I’ll leave after we get a chance to talk.

I’ll guess I’ll be here all night. What will your neighbors think?

Daphne, please. I had no idea about your mom passing. I just found out. Please open the door.

The last text gave me pause. I had never considered that possibility. But then, I had just learned from Chloe that Jason had been in South American all this time. It was completely plausible that he didn’t know what happened. But what difference did it make at this point? I had to admit I had felt abandoned by him, but what would his presence have done? How could he have been there for me when I knew him to be a liar and a cheat?

I sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted. Maybe I should just talk to him and get it over with. Jason had always been stubborn, and I had a feeling ignoring him would just prolong this whole thing. I would just talk to him this one time and then never see him again.

I cautiously opened the door and saw him sitting on my front step, his back to me. When he heard the door open, he turned around and I felt like my gut had been punched. His blue eyes pierced into me, and I felt myself falling three years back in time, to when just the sight of his face could make me feel butterflies. The feeling may have been the same, but his face had changed. He looked older, and his face had filled out, making him look more mature. He also looked tired and sad.

Jason stood up quickly, turning towards me and taking a step until he was standing in front of me. I tilted my head up, noticing how more imposing he seemed physically. Jason had always been tall, but his shoulders looked broader and his physique more muscular. He was tanned, and I wondered if that was from the years working in South America. I swallowed hard, feeling overwhelmed that he was standing in front of me. I had thought of this moment more than I liked to admit. What it would be like to see Jason again. But the Jason in front of me seemed different than the youthful, fun-loving Jason of my memories.

“Thank God you finally opened the door,” he said. His voice even sounded different, deeper and more gravelly. “I was about to see if I could rent a battering ram.”

I didn’t laugh at his joke. It took everything in me to keep my composure and squelch my impulse to embrace him. It had been so long.

“Why are you here?”

Jason sighed, pushing his hair back with one hand. His hair was longer than before, and shaggier. I balled my hands into fists, resisting the urge to run my fingers through his hair.

“Can I comein and talk? I don’t want to stand out here for this conversation.”

I rarely let anyone into my house. The last time someone had entered was four months ago, when Chloe had visited. Before that, it had been a year, when a repairman had to come in to fix the air conditioner. I had been okay when Chloe had come in, but I had felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack when the repairman had come inside. I wanted to hide while he was in my house, but it scared me more to not know what he was doing, so I had watched his every movement, my heart in my throat.

Now Jason was requesting to come inside. I hesitated, but then decided that it was better to hash this out inside, rather that in front of potentially nosy neighbors. I stepped back and motioned Jason to come in. As he walked past me, I breathed in his cologne. It was different from the one he used to wear. For some reason, I felt dismayed by that.

I followed him to the living room, and didn’t protest when he sat down on the couch. It felt strange to see him in a familiar setting, looking so different. We had spent a lot of time on that couch, sprawled out watching movies or making out when my mom and Keith weren’t home.

I felt a slash of pain go through me, and I pushed my thoughts back. I couldn’t let myself think of Keith or my mom, and what had happened, just steps away from where Jason was sitting. I suddenly felt resentful of Jason’s unexpected appearance. I had buried the memories of what had happened, and now they were being brought back to the surface.

I purposely sat on the other end of the couch and stared straight ahead, waiting for him to speak. I stiffened when he shifted closer to me and grabbed my hands, forcing me to turn towards him.

“I don’t know if you know that I left for South America pretty much right after graduation,” he started, watching me intently.“I was torn apart after we broke up, and I decided to accept Biotechnics Major’s job offer, and they sent me down there right away. I’ve been there for three years, pretty isolated. I probably only spoke to my family once every few months. I have to admit it was partly because I wanted to forget everything and immerse myself in work.” Jason rubbed his eyes, looking older than his years. “Daphne, I don’t know if you’ll believe me now, but I swear there was nothing between me and Shelby. I have no idea why she lied, but there was never anything between us. She was just your friend that hung out with us sometimes. That’s it.”

My heart squeezed. I didn’t know whether to believe him, but what reason would he have to lie after all these years? Besides, what did it matter now what he and Shelby did or didn’t do?

“I told my family I didn’t want to hear anything about you,” he continued. “It hurt too much. But I didn’t think they’d keep something like what Keith did to your mom from me.” Jason’s expression turned pained. “My God, I would have come running if I knew what you were going through. I’m so pissed no one told me. Eric just told me about it, because he thought I should know before I came to Hyattsville. I can’t fucking believe neither he nor my parents told me when it happened.” Jason shook his head, his expression dark. “To think what you witnessed, to think what you went through—“

I cut him off before he could continue. I couldn’t hear this. I couldn’t hear him talk about my mom and Keith. The image of her lifeless bloody body was burned into my brain, as well as what it had felt like to pierce Keith’s body with a knife, killing him. But I had suppressed these images, because it was the only way to keep on living. Especially in this house. But Jason talking about it were bringing these feelings and images to mind, and I felt like throwing up.

“Please,” I said. I realized my hands were still in his, and I pulled them out of his grasp. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

Jason breathed in deeply, nodding his head. “I’m sorry. It must be so painful for you.” Jason looked down at his hands, and then his gaze raised, his expression earnest. “But I’m here now. I know it’s too late, but I had to come see you.” He hesitated before continuing. “I’ve heard you don’t really leave your house. Are you seeing anyone to help you with that?”

I stood up abruptly. This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have either. What the hell was Jason doing, showing up after three years and inquiring about my mental health? Yes, I knew my mental health was fucked up. But that wasn’t for him to speak of.

“Jason, I think you should leave now.” I looked down at his pained expression, and my heart softened a bit. “I know you came here because you want to help, but I don’t need any help. I’m fine the way I am. I don’t really want to talk about whether or not I leave my house, and the state of my mental health.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking sincere. “I didn’t mean to overstep. I was just worried.” Jason took a deep breath. “I’m going to be in town for a while. My parents are selling their house, and it needs some repairs and improvements before it can go on the market.”

Jason stood up, facing me. “While I’m here, can we see each other?” He hurriedly continued when he saw my skeptical expression. “I mean, just as friends.” He lifted one hand up and let it hang there awkwardly before letting it drop to his side again. “We were friends for a long time before anything else. I just want to get reacquainted with my friend.”

I didn’t know how to answer. The last thing I needed was a friend, especially a friend that made my heart do flip flops. And I was sure Jason was going to try to ‘help’ me by trying to get me out of the house. I didn’t need that kind of pressure either. But I couldn’t deny that I felt more alive seeing Jason than I hadin a long time. But that also meant that when he eventually left Hyattsville, I’d be left with a gaping hole again.

“Jason,” I started, measuring my words out carefully. “I appreciate you coming here. Thank you for being concerned about me. But everything that happened is in the past. I’m doing alright now. I think it’s best if we just leave it at that. I’m sure your parents’ house will sell quickly. It’s gorgeous and on beautiful property. You’ll be out of Hyattsville in no time.”

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