Page 18 of Only Forever

“Thanks,” I said, trying to laugh it off. “I guess I’m a bit clumsy.”

“Hmm,” Jason said. I didn’t now what thathmmmeant.

“How are you?” I said awkwardly. “TGIF, right?” I immediately felt like an idiot.

Jason cracked a smile. “Yep. TGIF.” He looked amused, but I was just relieved that he didn’t seem to be holding onto any resentment from our conversation this past Sunday. Maybe ithadbeen just a coincidence that I hadn’t seen him all week, and he hadn’t been avoiding me.

“Want a ride home? Your car is still getting fixed, right?”

I wondered how he knew that, but it didn’t matter. The last thing I wanted was to get into a confined space with him. I desperately scanned the parking lot, hoping to see either Monica or Tracy.

Jason followed my line of sight. “Looking for an escape route?”

I laughed a little too loudly. “Of course not.” I didn’t want Jason to think I was trying to avoid him. We were supposed to be friends, right? “A ride would be great. Thanks.”

I followed Jason to his car, trying to quell the cartwheels in my stomach. I quickly reached out to open the passenger side door when I saw Jason’s arm extending out. Of course, he was just being polite trying to open the car door for me, but I didn’t want to give out any mixed signals.

Jason didn’t comment and walked over to the driver’s side. As we pulled out of the school parking lot, I wracked my brain for something to say.

“I can’t believe April is already halfway over,” I said lamely. I might as well have commented on the weather.

Jason nodded, although he didn’t say anything. We drove for a while in silence while I tried to think of another topic.

“Any college updates?” I asked.

“Yeah, I got into the University of Chicago, so I’ve decided to go there.”

“That’s amazing!” I said enthusiastically, genuinely happy for him. “U of Chicago is such a great school. I knew you would get in. Your parents must be so happy.”

Jason’s reaction to my gushing was subdued. “Yeah, they’re happy.” Jason glanced at me before continuing. “What about you?”

“I got into Darrenston College, so I’m going as planned. Looks like everything all worked out for everyone.”

Jason gave a short laugh. “Yeah, it all worked out.”

I didn’t want to dig deeper into what Jason meant by that comment, so I continued to chatter on.

“Chloe got into Florida State, which she’s super excited about. Her grandparents live down there, so it’ll be nice for her to be near family. I’ll miss her a lot with her being so far away, but I’m happy for her.”

Jason didn’t reply, so I let the conversation trail off. I looked out my window, willing us to get to my house faster. I felt uncomfortable and unsure with Jason. He didn’t seem angry. In fact, he seemed emotionless. And that wasn’t like him at all. I didn’t know what to say.

I almost sighed in audible relief when he pulled into my driveway. I grabbed the door handle, ready to thank him for the ride and run into my house, when Jason spoke.

“Will you go to prom with me?” Jason’s voice was quiet. “Just as friends. We’ll be graduating soon and going to colleges far apart.”

My heart twisted. I wanted to say yes. I had missed our rekindled friendship, as brief as it had been. But I had a feeling that going to prom together would complicate things, and bring feelings into play that should be kept dormant.

I turned back to him, true regret in my voice. “I’m sorry, Jason. I just don’t think it’ll be a good idea. We could hang out some other time.”

Jason sighed heavily. “Okay, I give up. I thought I would give it one last shot. You win.” His voice turned sharp. “We can go back to pretending like the other doesn't exist.”

“Jason, that's not what I meant,” I said, wishing he would understand. Although I wasn’t sure I understood myself. “It’s just…I mean, it’s been so much fun hanging out these past weeks, but our friendship was years ago, when we were little kids. That doesn’t mean anything today.”

I wasn’t sure what I was trying to say, but it certainly wasn’t what came out of my mouth. I didn’t mean to imply that our childhood friendship didn’t mean anything. It was the opposite. Jason’s friendship when we were young had meant so much to me, and made it possible for me to get through one of the hardest times of my life.

Jason’s mouth twisted bitterly. “I get it. You dropped me as a friend in middle school, and you’re trying to tell me that you want things to stay status quo.”

“I didn’t drop you as a friend,” I said incredulously. “We just grew apart.”

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