Page 16 of Only Forever

I listened to Jason tell me about how they went to a trampoline park earlier today, and how he almost broke his neck trying to show his cousin tumbling tricks.

“How has your day been?” he asked, after he was done telling me all about his death-defying afternoon. This was the opening I needed, and I decided to take it.

“I ran into Marcus at the mall today. He gave me a ride home after my car wouldn’t start.”

“Oh no, that sucks about your car. I’m glad he was able to help you out. Do you know what’s wrong with it?”

I explained to him that I was getting my car towed, and I didn’t know what was wrong with it yet.

“It was nice of Marcus to help me out,” I continued. “I’ve never really had a chance to talk to him before.”

“Yeah, he’s a good guy,” Jason said. “Things haven’t been easy for him, but he always sees the positive side of things.”

Oh, so was Jason going to tell me about Marcus’ life now, and his personal details? I stopped that train of thought as soon as it started. I didn’t like the bitterness that was blooming inside me.

“He told me about how your family helped his out a lot.”

“He did?” Jason sounded surprised. “He’s a pretty private person. I wouldn’t have expected him to tell anyone about that.”

I took a deep breath before speaking. It was now or never. I had to ask Jason if it was true what Marcus had told me.

“Marcus also told me about how your family helped me and my mom.”

I waited for Jason to immediately deny this, but there was just silence on the other end. I balled my left hand into a fist, digging my nails into my palm. Was his silence confirmation?

“Daphne,” he finally said. “That’s something I never meant to tell Marcus. It was so long ago. He just happened to find out accidentally.”

Accidentally? So Jason opened his mouth accidentally, and the words just came out on their own? I tried to unsuccessfully swallow the lump in my throat. So it was true. Jason’s family had given money to me and my mom. I couldn’t help feeling embarrassed by it.

“He also told me what you said about me. Not about me then, but about me now.”

“I…” Jason’s voice faltered. “I don’t know what he was doing telling you these things. They were things I meant to say to you myself.”

I had a bitter taste in my mouth. Oh, so he was going to tell me himself that he liked me, despite my lack of financial status? That he was willing to overlook me being a pauper? Gee, that would have gone over so well.

“There’s no need now,” I said, my voice cold. “I know already.”

“And how do you feel?” Jason asked, his voice sounding cautious.

That was a good question. HowdidI feel? He wasn’t wrong. My mom and I were doing alright, but compared to Jason’s family, wewerepoor. And it wasn’t Jason’s fault that my mom took money from his parents. It wasn’t his fault that it made me feel ashamed. But pity was one thing I never wanted from him. Pity didn’t feel like kindness. And Jason liking me despite our differences made me feel even worse. I was naive to think that he didn’t see the differences between us, like I never had.

I didn’t want to answer him right now. I wanted to buy time.

“Let’s talk about it when you get home.”

Jason sighed, but agreed it would be better to speak about it in person. We tried to change the subject, but our conversation was stilted and awkward, and I was relieved when we finally got off the phone. I looked out the window and saw that my car had been dropped off in my driveway. I hadn’t even heard it happen, because I was so engrossed on the phone.

When my mom came home later, I just felt sadness. It must have been hard for her to accept money from Jason’s parents, and I knew she would have only done it as a last resort. I promised myself I would never mention it to her. We were doing well now, and that’s all that mattered.

Chapter Six

Jason had texted and said he was coming back Sunday and wanted to talk that day. I had wrestled with what to say to him, and I decided to keep it simple. I didn’t want to rehash the conversation about what Marcus had told me. It was pointless and all it would lead to was hurt feelings. I realized that I valued Jason being back in my life again, but as a friend. Especially since I had no idea when I would see him again after graduation. Yes, I momentarily had butterflies in my stomach from him, but it was just a temporary thing. I convinced myself that turning down a relationship was in both of our best interests. He didn’t want to be anchored down when he went off to college.

I told myself not to be upset by Marcus’ comment about Jason being okay with me being poor, because I doubted Jason had phrased it exactly that way. From these past few weeks, I had realized that Jason was still very much like the boy I had known in elementary school. He was kind and generous, and didn’t want to hurt people’s feelings. And it was true that he and I were in vastly different economic levels.

I wanted to meet Jason at a neutral place, so we agreed to meet at our local coffee shop. My stomach churned when I arrived and saw he was already sitting at a table. There were already two iced coffees in front of him. He pushed one towards me without saying anything when I sat down.

“Thanks,” I said, taking a sip. “I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

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