Page 11 of Only Forever

I decided to stop torturing myself with all the possible scenarios and just wait for Jason to get here. I tried to make myself presentable, but I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. I decided to stop overthinking things, and just put on my usual outfit of jeans and a t-shirt. There wasn’t much I could do about the dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep.

I tried to keep busy by tidying up the house, and I was in the midst of cleaning the kitchen counters when the doorbell rang. My pulse started racing, and I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself before opening the door.

Jason looked handsome, as usual, but he also looked tired. I felt like I needed some distance from him, so I led him to the kitchen table instead of the living room, since I didn’t think I could handle sitting next to him on a couch right now.

“Do you want something to drink?” I asked, feeling like a clumsy hostess. Jason shook his head.

I sat down and folded my hands on the table, watching him sit down across from me. I waited for him to speak, but he didn’t say anything. He just sat there and watched me with inscrutable eyes. I cleared my throat, feeling awkward.

“So,” I asked uncertainly, when I couldn’t take the silence anymore. “How are you today?”

“I’m good,” Jason replied. “More importantly, how are you?”

“Fine,” I answered lamely with a weak smile.

Jason took a deep breath before he spoke again. “About what happened last night. How do you feel about it?”

Jason expression turned uncertain. His gaze dropped to the table while he waited for my answer.

I decided to just be honest. “I guess I’m a little confused. It’s the last thing I expected to happen between us.”

“Me, too,” Jason admitted. “We’ve barely had a conversation since middle school. I never thought we’d get the chance to hang out again, let alone…”

My stomach dropped as he trailed off. It’s not like I had expected him to confess his undying love for me, but now he sounded unsure of what had happened between us. Even though I felt the same way, hearing it from him made me feel dejected.

“Yeah,” I said, forcing a smile. “Talk about unexpected.”

“But that doesn’t mean I never wanted to spend time with you,” Jason continued. “You just never seemed interested in anything more than a brief greeting at school.”

I shrugged, although my heart started beating faster. “It just seemed like we had different interests and hung out in different crowds. I never thought much about it. People just outgrow each other sometimes.”

Jason’s lips thinned. “Is that what happened? We outgrew each other?”

I was surprised by the slight sharpness of his question.

“I don’t know, Jason. It was ages ago. We were little kids. You were busy with your interests and I was busy with mine.”

Jason shook his head. “I guess it’s pointless to talk about the past. What matters is now.” He looked me straight in the eyes. “And now, I want more. I don’t want to just wave at you across the parking lot at school. I don’t want to just be an acquaintance in a crowd. I want us to be together.”

The directness of his statement left me momentarily speechless. His gaze was clear and sincere, the vulnerability in his blue eyes shooting an arrow through my heart.

“Together, as in a couple?” I asked, wanting to make sure I understood him correctly.

“Yes, as a couple. As in boyfriend, girlfriend. As in, you’re mine.”

Jason’s last statement nearly made me pass out. What was going on? Things had gone from 0 to 60 in mere seconds.

“I….,” my voice trailed off. I had no idea what to say. My immediate impulse was to wholeheartedly agree, but I had tobe smart and careful. I didn’t want to run headlong into a relationship when I wasn’t even sure of my feelings. And most likely, Jason would be going to school in Chicago next year while I stayed here. How would that work out?

“I need some time to think,” I finally said. “This is all just so unexpected. Before this week, we had barely said two words to each other.”

Jason didn’t look happy by my response but he didn’t argue. “I understand. Maybe it’s a good thing I’m headed to California tomorrow. It’ll give you a week to think.”

I wanted to tell him I needed more than a week to think. More like months. Maybe a year. But I agreed to think it over during the week.

Jason hesitated before leaving. “Can I still call you when I’m in California?” He looked like a little boy when he asked, looking uncertain. It pulled at my heartstrings.

“Sure,” I said, smiling. It had actually been really nice talking to him on the phone this past week, although at the time I had just thought we were rekindling our friendship, not developing something more. “I’d like that.”

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