Page 290 of His Blazing Witch
"I don't know. I mean, you're a wolf... You probably don't have one."
"I see... What is your name then? Humans have names?"
"Yes... My name is Luna."
"Alright, then, I like it."
"What?"
"That name. You can call me that."
She makes a strange sound with her mouth.
"That's my name, you can't take it!"
"Why not? I don't have one and you do. It doesn't leave you, either. If you can share your food, you can share your name. So I'll be Luna too."
She lets out a long sigh.
"I feel like you'll have a long way to understand being a human before being a witch..."
"You're the one who made me one, aren’t you? So now, teach me so we can make my mate come back, Luna."
"I understand... Luna."
Chapter 37
Being a human is strangely complicated.
They do a lot of unnecessary things and act as if their own bodies are too weak. Their skin is not enough, so they wear other animals' skin or fur. They don't use their hands to eat; they use things that touch their food instead. They clean themselves with water rather than their tongue, and they do that every day, for some reason. They burn their food before they eat it, but they don't even eat all of the meat. They are very particular about where they sleep, where they sit, where they eat, where they pee, and for a reason I don't understand, they hate the ground for all of that. They have bad eyes, bad sense of smell, and their body is not comfortable with anything either.
Aside from the physical side of it, being a human is a lot of trouble. My head is always filled with many more things than before, and I think about things I didn't know I could think about. Everything I feel, and even the emotions I knew before, are so much stronger. Now, I know anger is much more complicated from a human's point of view. There are different forms of anger, more or less powerful, and it can last longer than I thought... which is what Luna calls resentment, when anger lasts for a long time over something that's already done. I never thought that could happen before... I'd forget about anger as soon as the next emotion came up, but it turns out humans handle many emotions at once and they can't easily ignore them. They stay sad for a long time, and very sad too. All day long, and even more at night. I've become sadder because of Luna's sadness. When they are happy, though, it just doesn't last long. Humans are never just content. They get easily irritated, nervous, or upset, but they aren't easily content or satisfied. There's always something that flies into their mind to distract that happiness.
I am thankful I can go back to being a wolf when I want. Being a human is just way too complicated, and at times, I just want to be a wolf like any wolf, without all those annoying thoughts, and with my comfortable body too. My human body is a lot of trouble! Each time I feel there's something wrong with it, it turns out this is part of the human's norm...
Luna is not very patient with me, either. It can't be helped; like she says, witches are more human than humans. She feels every emotion deeply, and she even feels the emotions of others. That's way too much for me. I'd rather stay a wolf and not care much about all of this.
I miss my mate even more when I am a human, and it hurts. It hurts like it never hurt before, and I can hardly take it. How do humans endure such pain? I understand that they cry to let the pain out, but the pain just doesn't go away with all those tears we spill! It makes the chest lighter, but the pain is still there, like a thorn I can't get out of my heart, no matter what I do. Even worse, now that I've experienced it, I can't even make this pain go away when I return to my wolf appearance. I don't know why, but of all the emotions, sadness is the one that afflicts me the most and ignores the bit of relief I try to get whenever I change back. I have almost given up by now, and I only shape-shift when I want to be alone, or when I am tired of Luna's lessons.
She wants to make me a witch, and I understand we can get closer to my mate this way, but she's too impatient sometimes. Like a human, she gets angry and mad too fast. I don't want her anger and her pain too, so I ignore her when she gets frustrated with me. I am barely just learning to be a human, but she wants me to be a witch too, as fast as possible. She wants me to learn everything like one who'd force a pup out into the sunlight too soon. She's impatient like a hungry cub, and it's annoying. I've almost bitten her a few times, but I try to be nice, so I growl a lot instead...
Being a witch is more interesting than being a human. I learn a lot about our environment, nature, plants, water, and the ground we walk on. About fire too, that stingy little thing that acts so feisty. Witchcraft is that strange thing that makes me connect deeper with all those things. Actually, it's not like anything about it is too difficult. I understand they work even more simply than a wolf does; nothing is as complicated as humans. What is complicated is understanding that strange language the witches have come up with to name things, those runes as Luna calls it, and mastering it to do even more complex magic. ...Although, at times, I don't like magic.
It's rude, and it forces all those elements to bend to its will. I do not like it. Luna is strong, but if I was fire or water, I'd get mad at how she manipulates it so brutally. I'm glad witches can't direct wolves like that; I'd fight back... Perhaps that's why she finds I'm so good at being a witch. I understand those elements better than her. Water is composed and calm like me. The fire is so playful, yet capricious like a young cub. It's strong, but it doesn't like to be tamed, and only wants to grow. Nature is even easier to manipulate. I know the soil beneath my feet, I know the sounds of trees, and the smells of all those good, nice things. I find Luna selfish when she imposes her magic on it.
I still don't really understand why my mate was so adamant about coming to see this witch every day, but she is indeed very lonely. Sometimes, she looks very sad, and I don't understand why. She often stops talking about what bothers her rather than stating it fully, which is frustrating to me.
If only I could find my mate to ask him... I still look for him, whenever I can. Sometimes at night, when Luna sleeps and I can't seem to find the same peace. I have seen no trace of him, but I still have that little hope in my heart. I've spotted a few of my children with their new packs from afar, but no sign of their father. Perhaps being a human at times exacerbates my longing, but it's becoming more and more painful every day.
"...Don't you go there anymore?"
"Go where?" asks Luna, as we are eating.
"To the stone. You used to go all the time before."
She stops eating and moving. She does that when she is surprised, so I wonder what is surprising about what I said. Did I make her upset again? She looks upset. What was upsetting about my question? Is it that intrusion thing she talked about before? Humans are strangely very picky with that thing they call intimacy; there are some invisible walls, things we're not allowed to see, and things we can't say or ask. Luna gets very fussy over such things, so I have learned to read the signs.
"Can't I ask that?"
