Page 151 of The Assignment: Room 3

Viv reaches for me, her hand on my arm. “Look at me.” I know that tone. When a Dom/Domme says, “Look at me,” you’re about to get your ass handed to you.

“Your name isn’t your whole identity. You are still the same fierce woman who walked through those doors like she belonged. From day one, you knew Venom was the piece of the puzzle you were missing. Your name doesn’t matter. We all still love you.”

“Thanks, Viv. There’s just so much going on in my head every minute of every day. I’m terrified all the time, even though I know that Michael is gone.”

“Have you voiced your fears to Flex?”

“No. It’s not his burden to bear. He’s been through enough.”

“You don’t think your Dom should know if you’re struggling?”

“Under any other circumstance, I would absolutely address such an issue with Flex. But this is different. I lie awake at night, watching the rise and fall of his chest as he sleeps. I’m haunted by the memory of him dying. Seeing the amount of blood that he lost and knowing there was no way he should have survived is a permanent wound in my soul.”

“But he survived.”

“I can’t get the memory out of my head. He wants to start getting physical again, and I just can’t.”

“What do you feel is holding you back?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I came to see you.”

“I’m a psychologist, not a psychic.”

“I miss his body and the way he makes mine sing.”

“Then, what are you waiting for?”

“Loving him this much is a scary place to be. I let my guard down for the first time in years and let Flex get close to me. I got him shot. Michael came for me, and Flex was the collateral damage. My past almost killed him.”

“You need to stop the blame game, Helena. It’s not healthy for you to dwell on it. Flex needs to move on, and if you can’t allow him the space and conversation to do that, then maybe he’s not the Dom for you.” That irks me.

“What? You think I’m too damaged for him?”

“Listen to yourself. My job is not to convince you to do anything. I’m here as a sounding board so that you can work through your emotions.”

“I thought the purpose of this was to have a drink with my friend.”

“Then why choose me? You could go to Freya with your woes.”

I’m getting frustrated, and she knows it. Crawling under my skin to push me into an uncomfortable place.

“You know why!”

“Then say it. There’s no one but us here, Helena.”

“Because he’s the love of my life, and I’m terrified that he’s going to wake up one day and realize he could’ve done so much better than me. Is that what you want to hear?”

“Is it the truth?”

“Yes! I’m an ex-junkie, single mother with PTSD from years of torture and rape at Michael’s hands. And now, every time I look at Flex, I’m reminded that I pushed him to the point that he had to take a man’s life for me. When I close my eyes at night, all I see is blood. I’m disturbed by how little I care that Michael’s face was gone after the bullet hit.”

“That’s a lot for anyone to deal with, but you didn’t put Flex in that room. He chose to come for you. He was willing to risk his life if it meant keeping you and Gracie safe from harm. You can’t claim his decision.”

“I’m not trying to.”

“But you are. The question you need to ask yourself is, as Helena, do you still want Flex to be your Dom? Things are different now. You’re not on the run. You have been given a chance to reclaim your life, and it may or may not include Flex.” Is she trying to piss me off? Because it’s working.

“Of course, it involves him. I want to marry him. He’s Gracie’s dad. I’m just frozen to the spot whenever he tries to initiate sex or even a little foreplay.”

---