Page 85 of His Temptation
I settle back in my seat. “I know,” I say as tears find their way down my cheeks.
“But I do see where you were coming from. He didn’t exactly go into it giving you much confidence. He told you up front that it was only a hookup, called it off abruptly, then decided he still wanted you. He made it seem like he wanted something real. And to anyone else, something real means letting the other person in. Of course, you were going to start feeling confused when he pushed you away like that.”
“Absolutely,” Paris chimes in. “And don’t forget, he knew he was your first. He should have been more careful with your heart. He’s not innocent in all of this.”
I let their words sink in.
On the way back to the office, I contemplate how I feel about them. Paris has a point. He had to know when I gave him my virginity that it was a big deal to me. I thought it meant we were moving toward something bigger. So, to feel pushed away and locked out of his heart left me feeling extremely insecure.
Now I’m feeling all fueled up again. Maybe I handled that one situation wrong, but at the end of the day, he wasn’t treating me right. I deserved better than that.
32
LINCOLN
“It was so awesome,” he says as he tells me all about his basketball practice. “Then Brett passed the ball to me, and I took the shot. It was nothing but net.”
I smile the first real smile I’ve had in days. This is my favorite time. I love when the agency calls me up and tells me they need my help to fill in for a speech therapist.
I double-majored in school—business and English. After that, I took night classes and got my graduate degree in speech language pathology.
Helping kids with speech issues has been a passion project of mine. I knew I wanted to do something to help kids who were like me. Kids who struggled with a stutter or any type of roadblocks with speech. For me, it’s not about money. I have enough of that. I’m a volunteer.
This is about making sure there are kids out there who know they are not alone. I want them to know there is nothing wrong with them. Something my parents should have done.
“That’s great, Ben. There’s no greater feeling than a clean shot like that. And you managed to say it all calmly and clearly. How do you feel about that?”
He wiggles in his seat, always finding it hard to sit still for too long. I glance down at my watch and see we only have a couple of minutes.
“It’s changed my life. Did I tell you that I didn’t have any friends before this?” he asks.
That information makes my insides coil with displeasure. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It’s okay. Part of it was me. I was afraid to talk to anyone. But once I started at the new school and met new people, it got easier. But it all really got better when I started here.”
“Well, that’s why we are here. Do you ever find your stutter coming back in certain situations?” I ask.
His head falls. “Yeah. When there are too many people in a group listening to me, I get nervous, and it starts to happen again.”
“That’s normal. The progress you’ve made so far is already impressive. It will take practice for you to get more comfortable talking in front of larger crowds. Eventually, you will find what tools work for you. In the meantime, don’t let it get you down. It’s not a sign that this is forever. It’s all part of the process.”
“Okay. Do I still need to do those exercises in the mirror?”
I chuckle. “Yes, you need to keep practicing. It’s not forever. All right, buddy, it looks like our time is up. Keep up the good work. I’ll see you at your game this Saturday.”
“You’re really coming?” he asks as we both stand.
“Of course. I love basketball. Wouldn’t want to miss your first game.”
He beams at me with pride, and then his face falls. “Can you do me a favor?”
“Sure. What do you need?”
“My sister said she wasn’t comfortable with you coming to my game unless she got a chance to meet you. She’s being weird about it. Can you come out and meet her real fast?”
Laughter vibrates in my chest. “I can see where she is coming from. Sounds like a good sister you’ve got there.”
I don’t ever leave the office. My identity is something I try to keep under wraps while I do this kind of work. It’s nobody’s business, and I don’t want the tabloids picking up on it. They don’t need to harass these kids, and I don’t want to put them in any kind of uncomfortable situation.
