Page 27 of Liberator

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be. It sucked but it made me who I am today. I fought against depression and the hope that one of the beatings would kill me. I not only wanted to survive, but I also had to. You see, I wasn’t the only one he took a fist to. He gave my mother the same treatment. If dinner wasn’t on the table at the exact second he expected it, he hit her. When she gave me money for the ice cream truck that was supposed to be returned to him from the grocery allowance, he broke her arm. She wasn’t as regimented as he wished, nor did he time clock sync perfectly with his. She wasn’t military worthy either,” I explained.

She gasped and asked, “Didn’t anyone notice? I mean it was the military, someone should have intervened.”

“Dad was high ranking as I said before. He was a damn hero to those on the base. He could do no wrong. He lied about how we got hurt and the others chose to believe him even when his lies didn’t make sense. They just turned a blind eye to his misdeeds. We were collateral damage, meaningless in the big picture. So, to save myself and my mother I grew a hard shell around myself. I used the rage my father had passed on to me through genetics and my own building anger to stand up to him and save us both. That rage defines me now. I still use it as a wall between me and everyone else. I promise however that I’ve never used it on a woman. I wouldn’t, because I saw how it broke my mother,” I finished.

My stomach was on fire. I hated repeating my memories out loud.

“You said you saved yourself and your mother. How?”

I winced. I didn’t care to go there. I was ashamed of my past in so many ways. Yet, having gone this far, I felt I had to finish it.

“My brothers were out drinking even though they were sixteen and seventeen. I’d been hiding in my room so I wouldn’t draw my father’s attention when he got home. I heard my mother scream. I ran downstairs and found her on the floor. He was kicking her in the ribs and stomach. She was gasping and crying. She begged him to stop, saying, ‘You’re killing it.’

“I didn’t understand what she meant until I saw the blood on the floor. It was running everywhere, big pools of it. She’d been pregnant and he didn’t want another child. He beat her to cause a miscarriage. I’d had enough. I don’t remember much except the rage that overcame me. I was told I grabbed a huge kitchen knife and slashed at my father. The knife caught him in the femoral artery. I guess I ran outside screaming covered in blood from both parents. Men came rushing in. An ambulance came. They both lived,” I choked out.

“What happened to you?” Vikki asked.

“Nothing. My mother told the cops what happened. The military wanted to cover it all up, but for once they lost. My brothers and I were sent to my mother’s parents while she recovered, but they ran off immediately. I never saw them again. My father died in prison. He was shanked. Mother found another man who didn’t want a child, especially one who’d done what I had. She told me she couldn’t handle being without a man who’d pay for everything. She considered me grown at seventeen, so I left on my own. I found trouble, lots of it, and eventually the Serpent Sinners. Now you know everything, more than most. The guys know what they need to know, but only you and Prime know all the ugly details.”

“And you’ve been in a rage ever since. I suppose the scars inside you won’t ever heal. I don’t expect mine to. I don’t even know if I really want them to. I can use them the way you do yours. Maybe not so much the anger but the pain and lies. I don’t know if I can ever trust a man completely, not even you. But I understand you better now. I get that your rage is your protection against hurt and sadness. However, I still can’t let you use mine to get me in bed. Nor can I let you always protect me. I need to be able to stand up for myself. I have to know I’m capable of surviving without a man for my own sanity. I’m not like your mother. I’m choosing this life because it’s my one chance, but I didn’t want it for my daughter. I sent her away in hopes her life will be different than mine. I have to believe it was the right thing to do even if I fail.”

Chapter 20

Every piece of meached. My muscles burned. My heart hurt, and my poor brain was mentally and emotionally exhausted. I felt as if I’d taken a beating inside and out. There was so much to process in my mind that it was better not to think at all. The confessions Rage had made were more than I could handle when I tried to reconcile the facts with who I’d thought Rage was.

I suppose I’d just believed that all the Serpent Sinners had just been the same all their lives. I saw them the same way I saw the gangs in the larger cities, born bad and ready to fight. I had never let myself imagine they had stories to tell, backgrounds that made them who they were.

Rage didn’t want pity, and though I felt the child he’d once been deserved some I realized the adult didn’t. He’d picked himself up and become strong and independent. He’d found another family that had his back, and he was loyal to them. Thatwasn’t anything to pity. It was something to admire and doubled my desire to do the same for myself.

My muscles were stiff as I climbed the stairs toward the solitude of my room. Flame stood at the railing looking as tired as I felt, yet her words differed from her demeanor.

“Hey chica! Let’s blow this joint. Neither of us are scheduled to work, so let’s go have some laughs,” she said too cheerily for me.

“Are you crazy? I can barely move. All I want is a hot shower and to sleep like the dead,” I replied.

“Not on my watch. That shit will just make you as tired and burned out in the morning as you are now. What you need is some cerveza and some fun. I insist. Let’s go where these assholes won’t follow. We can pretend to be regular women for one night. We’ll check out how the other side lives,” she joked with a laugh.

“I’m being watched and protected from the cartel. I’m not supposed to leave without guards,” I reminded her.

“To hell with that! What they don’t know won’t hurt them. We’ll fucking sneak out, and where we’re going no self-respecting cartel asshole will show his damn face. Besides, we’re badass these days. We’ll protect each other.”

I considered how much I hurt and wanted rest against how good the freedom would feel. The freedom to do as I pleased without Rage or anyone else watching my every move was too tempting to resist.

“Sure. Why the hell not? What should I wear?” I asked.

“Leave it to me. I’ll bring something to your room. And I’m doing your hair and face. You won’t be blending in tonight. You’re going to show off the new you,” Flame vowed.

I stepped from the shower, wrapped a towel around myself, and didn’t even bother looking in the mirror before I went in search of whatever Flame had left me to wear. I knew it would be nothing like the clothes I wore every day, and it definitelywouldn’t come close to the rags I’d lived in as a trafficked woman.

On my bed laid a red sparkling tube. It was a narrow strip of cloth that would mold itself to my newly well fed and toned body. Excitement rose in me. My breath hitched as I ran my fingers over its silkiness. I hurriedly dropped the towel and slithered into it without bothering to add panties. This dress was too formfitting even for a thong, which I didn’t own anyway.

No matter how much I tugged at the hem, the dress barely covered my ass. If I moved wrong I’d be showing everything I had to anyone who cared to look. Somehow that danger made me adore the dress even more. It gave me a power that I’d only ever imagined, one I’d seen in movies. I felt strong and dangerous. It was an excellent feeling.

“Well, look at you!” Flame announced as she entered without knocking. “You’re a knockout.”

“Where did you get these?” I asked, referring to my dress and the blue one her breasts were currently spilling out of.

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