Page 12 of Liberator

To give me an excuse other than my screwed up conscience for showing up to check on Rage, I offered my service to take him his lunch. No one appeared to object. I assumed they had more important matters to deal with and that they were more certain than I was that he wasn’t in any danger of lasting damage.

Rage was awake and grumbling about the need to remain in the infirmary when I arrived with his food.

“Doc, I’ll sleep better in my own room. I swear I’m not trying to override your orders, but I hate this damn room with all it’s bright lights. This bed is better than that shitty cot you used to have, but it’s still as uncomfortable as a box of rocks,” he grumbled.

“One more night, Rage. You can deal with it for one more damn night if I can deal with your shitty attitude. I need you here to make certain there’s no infection because of those nasty blisters and all the dirt and ash that got into them. There wasn’t exactly a pristine, decontaminated room to deal with your injuries by the water. Keep cursing at me and I’ll drive you to the fucking hospital myself just to shut your mouth,” Doc warned him.

I thought it might be best if I let them know they weren’t alone before things got worse. I interrupted with a cheery, “I brought you something to eat! It smells wonderful. The cook made you a meatball sub with mozzarella and provolone. I added two bags of chips and an icy soda. I wish I’d thought to grab me one too.”

“I’d rather have a beer, so you can take mine and go get me a cold one from the bar,” he said.

“Don’t even think about doing what he says,” Doc stated firmly. “He’s on pain meds. He can’t have a beer or anything even close to it. He’ll have to settle for the soda and be a good little boy.”

“You’re not funny, asshole. Take away the damn pain meds and let me have a brew,” Rage retorted.

“I don’t think you’d like the way you’d feel without the meds, Rage,” I quietly said.

“Probably not, but with a few drinks under my belt I could handle it,” he complained, but reached out for the tray of food.

“Can you sit with him a minute?” Doc asked me while completely shutting out Rage’s words. “I have some things I need to do besides babysit an ungrateful asshole. I’ll be back in about thirty minutes. I’d appreciate it if you can last that long.”

Chapter 9

“No one needs tofucking babysit me. I’m fine,” Rage informed us with a scowl that made his entire face turn red.

I waved Doc away and said, “Then, I’ll just sit here and chat. I came to visit anyway. Are you going to throw me out for that after I brought you something so delicious?”

“It’s not you I’m angry with,” Rage replied. “I don’t like sitting in bed unable to do things for myself while other people watch me. If I have to lay around I’d rather do it where I don’t have to deal with stares. It feels like I’m under a microscope.”

“Try spreading your legs open for a stranger while blood and gunk gushes out and screaming your lungs out as a baby pushes its way out of the smallest place imaginable. Then, I might feel sorry for you,” I teased.

He burst into laughter and said, “Okay, you got me there. I’m a whiny assed fool. I’ll stop bitching if you tell me what’s going on outside this room.”

“No one tells me much. I just work here, remember? Flame talks to me more often. I think she’s beginning to warm up to me, but to the others I’m just a fixture, kind of like a chair or something. Everyone seems to be a little on edge, which is understandable considering the bomb. Otherwise, there’s nothing new to report.”

“What do you mean, you’re just a fixture? Haven’t you said anything to Prime about wanting to be a prospect?” he asked.

I shrugged and looked away. “I tried once or twice, but Prime was too busy and I’m not one of his priorities. I don’t think he’ll like the idea anyway. Even Flame hasn’t pushed the idea yet.”

“Look, I realize things have been unsettled around here lately. Prime is preoccupied with the troubles the club is experiencing, and then there’s the issue of payback that literally blew up in our faces. However, I still think you should seek out a chance to speak to him. He’s a reasonable man, most of the time anyway. Catch him after he’s had a good dinner and a few drinks. If he’s relaxed he’s more likely to understand that you’re serious,” Rage advised.

“He may take Flame seriously because she’s been accepted as one of you for a long time. She’s let in on all the secrets even without being a member. There’s just something about her that all of you trust. I came from out of nowhere, with no one to vouch for me. My chances suck at best, but I promise I’ll try again. I’ve finally decided to not give up on myself anymore. I like being here. I want this strange family of misfits. I don’t even care whether what you do is legal or not anymore. This is real, and that’s what I want,” I confessed.

“Two are more convincing than one, so keep hanging with Flame and follow her lead. You may have to toughen up some and start to swear more, but I think you’ve got it in you. I heard a few nasty things come out of your mouth when you were having the kid,” he joked.

“Like Doc said, you’re not as funny as you think you are. Is there anything else I can get you once he’s back? I don’t work tonight, so I can run in here anytime,” I offered.

“You don’t need an excuse to visit. It’s boring and lonely in here and Doc just likes to rile me up so that he can argue. Come back whenever you want, even after they move me. You’re good company,” he answered.

I was flattered that he felt that way. I hadn’t ever been told that by anyone. The flattery brought me back to check on him several times while he was recovering, although I knew it wasn’t the only reason I wanted to spend time around him.

I was allowing myself to become involved. It infuriated me. It wasn’t anything I’d planned, much less wanted. If my past was any indication of how my life was meant to be, then Rage wasn’t supposed to be a part of it except that he was a member of the MC that I wanted to join.

Being a part of the same family was fine, but more than that was asking for trouble. I wasn’t a good bet for a relationship with anyone. I’d been used, abused, and abandoned. Worse, I’d handed my child over to someone else. At nineteen I was a screwed up has-been. Who wanted that kind of person around?

I’d have to be happy with Prime allowing me to become a prospect and expect nothing else. It had to be enough. I wouldn’t be alone anymore. That was as high as my expectations could go at the moment.

I continued working hard in the bar and trying to get the courage to speak to Prime. I managed to say a few words to him once in a while, even to tease him about me being one of his club members. He’d laugh and joke back, but I was able to tell he didn’t actually believe I meant it.

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