Page 8 of Loathe

I woke up the next morning to the sun filtering in through the blinds on the window. Phoebe was still curled up next to me and I realized I had fallen asleep in her room. Fuck. Getting out without being seen was going to be a chore. I knew I shouldn’t care what anyone thought, but I didn’t want to get her in trouble and risk Tony making her leave. I slowly slid my arm out from under her gorgeous body and starting rummaging around the floor for my clothes.

I had to get back to my room, so I could shower and hope that no one noticed anything. I hoped that she would wake up so that I could talk to her and tell her we needed to keep what happened a secret, but even thinking that gave me a bit of guilt. I didn’t want her to think I wanted to keep it a secret, because I was ashamed of her. I wanted to do it for her sake and nothing more. I knew the poor girl had been through a lot and needed someone to look after her, but I knew that it couldn’t be me.

Just as I pulled my shirt over my head, she stirred in the bed and opened her eyes. She was so damn gorgeous even after just waking up that I had to think of something totally different to keep myself from getting hard all over again. It was going to be difficult to get away from her. I was already becoming a little bit addicted to her, but I couldn’t afford to go another round with the other guys awake, they’d figure it out quickly.

“Good morning, handsome,” she said in a sleepy voice.

“Good morning yourself,” I replied.

I started to feel nervous and wondered if I should even say anything about keeping things quiet, but I knew if anyone found out my career in the club was over. I had to say something no matter what happened afterwards. Even though I hoped nothing would. I didn’t know why, but I hated the thought of her being mad at me and I knew the subject I was about to bring up would probably make her furious with me.

“Phoebe, I need to talk to you about something. I hope you don’t get mad at me for this. I don’t want you to think anything bad about what I am about to say, I just need you to listen and hear me out. Last night was amazing and I would love to do it again, but we can’t because if anyone finds out, I’ll get kicked out because of your history with Tony. I’m sure it wouldn’t be good for you either.” I hoped she wouldn’t get pissed at me.

“I know you’re going to say that you want us to go on like it never happened and never say anything about it again, and I get why you would want that to happen. I agree that what we did was amazing and maybe a little stupid considering our situations, but I have a different idea for you. What if we pretend to be a couple?”

I gasped and choked on a sip of water I had taken from a water bottle beside the bed. There was no way that idea would work, and I knew it, but part of me was interested immediately. I wasn’t sure why we had to pretend, but I guessed that it was because she didn’t want a real relationship. I was a bit disappointed, but knew it was probably for the best even though that wasn’t a good idea either. I had no idea why I felt disappointed about it and told myself it was probably for the best if I didn’t get attached to her, but I was still very interested in her idea. I wanted to know more about it even though my brain was screaming at me, telling me I was stupid for even thinking about it.

“Are you fucking insane? Tony would kill me and possibly you for that! You are off limits, because of your time spent with him and everyone in the club knows that, plus he’d kill me just for the fact that me being with you would allow you to be able to infiltrate the club,” I said.

“I promise you, Cameron, I’m not wanting to infiltrate it for the reason you might think. I’m not a mob member despite what everyone thinks of me. I don’t have anything to do with the man that raised me, especially after the hell he put me through when I was younger, and I am not spying for him or anything. I wouldn’t do anything for him if my life depended on it. I’d rather die than help that bastard. I know I have a reputation and people think less of me around here, but I am telling you the truth,” she said as she noticed the look on my face.

“Even if you are telling me the truth, there’s still the issue of Tony. I don’t want to do anything that is going to ruin my career in the club, Phoebe, not to mention the fact that he’ll throw you out on your ass,” I replied to her.

“Things with Tony will be fine, he’s totally over me and obsessed with his new woman and even if he does get mad, it won’t matter and you won’t get kicked out. The only reason he’s mad at me is because I’ve been giving his princess a rough go lately. If you do this for me, I’ll make sure you have a permanent place in the MC, or I could get you a place in the mob if you wanted. I’ll do my best to get you whatever you want, I just need you to help me please.” Emotion cracked her voice.

I knew that I should try to trust what she was saying was the truth, but I’d heard too many stories from Tony and others about how she’d lied to him all the time. I could sense the desperation in her voice though, and I decided to tell her I’d think about it.

“Okay, I tell you what, I’ll think about it and let you know in a couple of days,” I said as I pulled my boots on.

“Okay, at least it wasn’t a no,” she said with a smile.

My brain screamed at me telling me I was doing the wrong thing and it was going to blow up in my face, but I knew I needed to help her. She needed a safe place for more than a few days and being with me would get her that. I knew I still had a lot to think about and I was playing a very dangerous game.

Seeing her smile made me happy and I couldn’t figure out why it was so important to me that I make her smile. I’d never felt that for any other woman I’d been with, and I didn’t get why it was such a need with her. I told myself to reel it in and not get any real feelings attached to her, because I would just get hurt in the long run if I did. I knew if I agreed to what she had propositioned nothing would be real and there was no need for me to feel anything for her. I felt a twinge of disappointment at that thought and shook it away. Even though I knew all of that something inside of me still wanted to be the one that put a smile on her face.Get a grip, Cameron.I told myself as I found myself thinking about what it would be like to see her smile every day and hold her close at night. It was supposed to be pretend so if I agreed, pretend is what it would be.

I returned her smile and cracked the door open a bit to make sure there was no one in the hall before I snuck out of her room. It looked like everyone was still asleep for the most part. I breathed a sigh of relief as I made my way quietly to my room and closed the door behind me. I stripped off my clothes and climbed into the shower, letting the warm water run down my entire body as I thought about the proposition Phoebe gave me and whether it was something I should really consider.

I knew if I did it, I would most likely catch hell for doing it since no one would know it wasn’t real. Yet at the same time, I wondered what would happen to her if I didn’t do it. Then I thought about the things she offered in return for doing her this favor. I knew that a permanent place in the MC would take a lot of worry off my mind, but I didn’t want that to be the only reason I helped her if I decided to. I wanted to help her, because it was the right thing to do, not because I was going to get something out of it. Although, what she offered was good motivation to say yes. I stood under the water and let it run off my head as thoughts swirled in my head over what to do. I hadn’t ever had to make a decision like this before, and I didn’t want to fuck things up for either one of us.

I had no idea what I was going to do and I didn’t have long to figure it out. I turned off the shower and dried myself off as I hoped something would happen to take my mind off the things roaming around in my mind. Why couldn’t I just tell her no? It had never been hard for me to tell a woman no before, but every time I thought about telling her I couldn’t do it. I got sad inside. I wondered if it was the fact that she had given me the best sex I’d had, and I didn’t want to lose that since I’d found it.

I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself to stop being such a dude about it. I needed to put my needs aside and make sure helping her was what I needed to do for her not for my cock. There was no guarantee I’d even get any since our relationship was supposed to only be pretend. I kept telling myself it would be the right thing to do, but I was so conflicted, I knew I shouldn’t rush into a decision. I knew it was going to take me a bit to decide what to do, and wished I had someone I could talk to about it, but no one in the club could know. I just hoped I made the right decision. Our lives depended on it, especially hers.

I grabbed my clothes from the closet and got myself dressed trying to keep my thoughts from completely taking over my mind. Deep down I knew what I needed to do, I was just too scared to do it, and didn’t want to admit that. I had to make a decision that was clear, I just didn’t want to make the wrong one. I finished getting dressed and hoped the day would be a productive one. I needed to get my mind off the decision I had to make. I knew it was a big one, but I couldn’t let it consume my every minute until I decided something. I wondered if helping her would be worth the grief I was going to get from the other guys and Tony once they saw us together if I said yes. I wondered if she’d really be able to get me a permanent spot in the club if I said yes. There were so many things I wondered, and I knew that only time would tell me the things I needed to know. I just hoped it would be worth the risk if I decided to go for it. I hoped it would be.

Chapter Seven

Cameron

I had just finished getting dressed when there was a knock at my door. I opened it to find Tony standing there with papers in his hand. I knew what that meant, and my nerves kicked in immediately. I motioned for him to come inside and cleaned a spot off on the edge of the bed for him to sit down.

“Hey, PrezPrez, what’s up?” I asked, even though I already knew what he was going to say.

There’d been rumors of a run for around a month and I was sure he was going to choose me to go since I hadn’t been on many. I had only been with the club for a short while, but I wanted to learn all I could so that I could make a name for myself within the organization.

“I’ve got a gun run I need you to go on with a few of the other guys. I think it’ll be a good learning experience for you since you’ve not really been on any major runs yet. You just stick by the road captain and do everything he tells you to do, and you’ll be fine.” Tony stood and handed me the papers.

I nodded and took the papers from him, sitting them beside me. My heart was pounding out of my chest, but I knew it was the right thing for me to go and help with the run. I would need to know how they went down if I was ever going to get myself in a higher position within the club.

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