Page 24 of Loathe

“I’m glad you’re home, Princess. I missed you so much.” Cameron wrapped me in his arms.

“I missed you too, babe. Let’s get out of here I am ready to be home.”

Once my suitcase was secured, and in the car, we headed to the clubhouse. I had to have the driver stop a few times so that I could be sick on the side of the road, and I was starting to get very concerned. We finally made it to the club where everyone seemed to be glad I was back, even Tony. As I unpacked my suitcase, I was hit with the feeling I’d had on the plane and made another dash for the bathroom. I threw up a few more times and when I was finally able to leave the bathroom, Cameron was standing at the door with a concerned look on his face.

“Are you okay, Phoebe?” he asked me.

“I’m not sure to be honest. That happened on the plane and in the car as you saw,” I said as I sat on my bed.

“I think you need to go to the doctor, Phoebe. It could be something serious. If you want, I’ll go with you,” he said as he put his arm around me.

“Okay, I’ll make an appointment.” I grabbed my phone and dialed the number.

I didn’t want Cameron to know, but I was scared about what the doctor might tell me. I didn’t need or want any bad news after everything I’d been through in the past weeks. I was getting older and hadn’t kept up with all the health exams a woman was supposed to get for herself, especially a woman in my line of work. I knew I’d done myself wrong by not keeping up with it, but there was nothing I could do to change it now.

I was in a daze as we rode to the doctor’s office and I wondered what Cameron was thinking. We were silent as we made our way into the office, his hand in mine and I signed in at the front desk as he found a place to sit and wait. Once I finished getting checked in, I made my way over and sat beside him, waiting for the nurse to call my name. Cameron held my hand until they called my name and I headed back with the nurse. My nerves were getting the best of me as a million thoughts of what could be wrong with me flew through my mind.

“What are you being seen for today?” the nurse asked as she motioned for me to step on the scale.

I stepped on the scale and tried to swallow my fear. I knew I shouldn’t be afraid to be at the doctor’s office and that they would help me. Though I couldn’t help but think of all the bad things that could be wrong with me especially since I really didn’t know my family history. I took a deep breath as I stepped off the scale.

“I’ve been getting sick multiple times a day for the past few days and can barely keep any food down,” I answered as she recorded my weight and moved on to my blood pressure.

Once all my vitals were taken, she took me to an exam room and handed me a small plastic cup. “Go in the bathroom around the corner, give a urine sample and the doctor will be in with you in a few minutes,” she instructed.

I nodded and took the cup to the bathroom leaving the sample behind the little metal door in the wall. I sat on the exam table and waited anxiously for the doctor to come in. When she finally came in, she had a huge smile on her face. I was confused as to why she was smiling, I mean, there was something wrong with me what was there to smile about?

“Hello, Phoebe. It’s a pleasure to meet you even though you’re not feeling well. I think I know what’s causing you to be ill,” She held that wide smile on her face.

“What do you think it is? What is the treatment?” I asked as I started to get more anxious.

“The only thing that will treat what you have is delivery in about forty weeks,” she said with a laugh.

“What?”

“You’re pregnant, my dear! Congratulations,” she said with a laugh as she showed me the test results.

“Oh my God.” My mind was reeling. This was not what I’d expected, and I wasn’t sure what to feel yet as the doctor continued to speak.

“Now, you should know that because of your age, there are some heightened risks.” She began to rattle off problems such as pre-term birth, birth defects, and diabetes. “The good news is, you seem rather healthy to me, even for your age. We’ll keep a close eye on you and follow up, and I’ll get you a prenatal vitamin sample to take home. It’ll be at the desk for you.”

My mind began to spin as I thought about all the things that could go wrong since I was thirty-six. All I could do was worry and wonder what Cameron was going to think. I knew I wasn’t ready for what I was about to face and wondered if Cameron had ever thought about having kids. I knew it could end up bad since he was so much younger than me, but I hoped that me being pregnant wouldn’t make a difference.

I hoped we could find a way to be a family, but I knew better than to hold ideal visions in my head.

The doctor told me I needed to make another appointment for the next month and walked me to the desk to get the appointment made and get my vitamins. Then, I walked back into the waiting area in a daze. I wasn’t sure how to tell him. I knew with the emotions that I felt I wasn’t going to be able to wait and surprise him in a cute way. I had to think of something fast.

I tried to put a smile on my face before he could see the worry, but it was too late. He stood and wrapped me in his arms before I could say anything.

“Phoebe, what’s wrong?” he asked, his voice full of concern.

I was scared to tell him especially with all the risks that the doctor had talked about, but I knew that he needed to know the truth. I pulled back from his embrace and looked at him with tear filled eyes.

“Cameron, I’m pregnant.” I watched his face for a reaction.

“What?” A look of surprise crossed his face.

“I’m just as shocked as you are, Cameron. I’m sorry I didn’t take anything to try and prevent it from happening, I never thought about it being an option since I’m as old as I am and have never been pregnant. I thought it wouldn’t happen. I know you are still young and I’m sorry I let this happen. I will understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore. I’m scared that you’re going to leave. There are so many risks to the pregnancy and myself, because I’m so fucking old.”

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