Page 9 of Loathe

“Thank you so much for giving me the chance to go and show you what I am made of.” I shook his hand.

“It’s not a problem, Cameron. I think you have a bright future with the club if you keep your head up and listen to those of us that have been in this a while. If you do well, I see you in a higher position one day,” he replied.

“I’m really glad you see that,” I said as he left my room.

Once he left my room, I glanced over the papers and realized they were detailed directions on how to get where we were going and instructions on what we needed to do once we got there. I knew the others had done shit like this before, but it made me a little nervous to think about going since I’d never been on a big gun run like this before. I asked myself if I should let Phoebe know I had to go, but then remembered that she wasn’t anything to me pretend or otherwise, so I decided to say nothing about it. She would realize I was going when she saw us all leave.

I told myself I shouldn’t be that way and decided to go ahead and tell her that I was going to be gone for a while. I didn’t want her to worry, but wasn’t sure if she even would. I didn’t see her in the main area of the clubhouse, so I made my way to her room and knocked on the door. She answered it and I could tell she was surprised to see me.

“Cameron? Is something wrong? I wasn’t expecting an answer this soon,” she said as she stepped aside so I could go in her room.

“No, I just wanted to let you know I have to go on a run, and I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. I’ll give you my answer when I get back.” I turned and went back to my room without waiting on a response from her.

I knew there was a chance we could be gone for a day or two, so I got some clothes together and put them in a bag that I could slide into my saddle bag. Once I had everything together, I headed out to my bike and put everything where it needed to be. By the time I was finished the other guys were loaded and ready to go. A few of the guys pulled out ahead of the truck that carried the cargo while the rest of us pulled out behind the truck to protect it from possible hijackers and enemies that might want to steal the load.

I was still nervous about being a part of a run like this, but I knew the guys would have my back and make sure nothing happened to me, at least I hoped they would. We rode for what seemed like hours until we stopped at a small gas station to fill up and go to the bathroom. We’d been on the road so long my ass felt like a ton of bricks was sitting in my jeans. Once everyone had filled their gas tanks and done everything they needed to do, we got back on the road and headed toward our destination.

As we rode on, I found myself thinking of Phoebe and how there seemed to be more to her that what met the eye. I was surprised at myself for thinking about her. She was supposed to have been a one-night stand, someone I fucked and forgot, but I found myself unable to forget about her and wanting to know more about her. I couldn’t believe that I was having thoughts like that and had no idea what was wrong with me. I’d been so good with the love them and leave them shit, and now here I was failing big time.

I knew it was stupid of me to even consider the offer. The look in her eyes had told me just how desperate she was, and it made me wonder what it was exactly that she was hiding from. I knew she’d been on her own before and it puzzled me as to why she wanted to be in the club so damn bad. I knew all I had to do was ask her and she’d tell me, but I knew if I asked her, she would think I didn’t trust her. I didn’t want to make her feel worse about herself than she already did. I wasn’t sure what all she’d been through in her life, but I knew it had to be something bad with the way she thought about herself.

We made the drop with no incidents and after a night in a crummy hotel, we headed for home. I couldn’t wait to be in my own bed again, but I knew that before my body hit the mattress, I would need to address the situation with Phoebe. I still had no idea what I was going to do, so I decided that I would talk to the road captain the next time we pulled off and see what his opinion would be on the matter. I figured he would tell me that I’m a complete idiot for even thinking about it, but I still wanted to know what he thought.

We finally pulled off after a couple hours on the road and as he pumped gas into his bike, I sauntered over to him trying to regain feeling in my lower extremities. He laughed as I waddled like a penguin in his direction and leaned against the pump for stability. I wasn’t quite used to being on such long rides yet.

“Hey, man, can I talk to you for a minute?” I asked him.

“Sure, kid, what’s on your mind?” he replied as he placed the nozzle back on the pump.

“Well, I was approached by Phoebe, and she propositioned me. If I accept it could be a good thing for me, but I am torn with what to do, because I know there’s history there with Tony and I don’t want to piss him off,” I explained.

“Look, kid, we’re all trying to get ahead in this life and there might be things you have to do that pisses other people off, but in the end, it’s about what is best for you. If it is something that is going to help you get where you want to be, then go for it. I know I would.” He finished closing his gas tank and swung his leg over the bike.

I nodded in understanding and made my way back to my bike. I was ready to get back to the club and relax. All the way back I thought about what the captain had said, and I knew what I needed to do. I just hoped I was making the right decision for the both of us.

Chapter Eight

Cameron

After a long trip on the road, we finally made it back to the clubhouse sometime after midnight. We were all tired and ready to get some sleep. I quietly made my way down the hall that led to my room, and I looked down the opposite hall to see light glowing from under Phoebe’s door. I thought about going and talking to her right then, but my body was aching and exhausted. I decided I’d go ahead and lay down for a few hours before talking to her about anything. I knew that if I decided to take the deal, I was risking everything to help her and I hoped that she was telling the truth about getting me a permanent place in the club. I couldn’t imagine how my life would be if I didn’t have the family of this club.

I flopped down on my bed, relishing the softness of the mattress after having been on my bike for almost two days straight with only a few hours of sleep at the dingy hotel. I needed to shower, but my body told me it was too tired, so I laid there and listened to the rain that had started falling as it hit my window. I let the rain lull me to sleep as my mind still whirled with whether I should accept Phoebe’s offer or not. I’d be helping the both of us if I did it … wouldn’t I?

* * *

The sunlight cascaded through the blinds and landed in orange yellow lines across the room and onto my face. Even though my eyes were closed I could still see the light coming through, and I squinted my eyes shut tighter as I stretched beneath the covers. I knew I needed to get up once I heard others moving around in the halls, so I grudgingly rolled my ass out of bed and made my way to the shower. I knew that when I finished my shower, I was going to have to find Phoebe and talk to her.

I thought about how taking the deal could end my career with the club and fear shot through me like a dose of ice water. I knew she said I would have a permanent place in the club no matter how pissed Tony got, but I couldn’t see how that would be possible. Every member he’d been really pissed at had been banished, stripped of their leather, and tattoos blocked out or removed. Part of me wanted to tell her no since I knew shit would end bad because of her past and who she’d fucked before. I knew deep down that she needed help, and if this was the only way to keep her safe then that was what I would do no matter what happened to me.

After my shower, I made my way down the hall to the main area of the clubhouse where everyone hangs out and relaxes together, and I see Phoebe giving Kara a hard time. I shake my head as I walked over to get her attention.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, he’ll get tired of you eventually. That’s how he does all his bitches. One day you and the ankle biter you’re carrying won’t mean shit to him.”

I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away, giving Kara an apologetic look.

“Phoebe, what the fuck are you doing? You’re going to get yourself in big trouble if you keep messing with her like that. Tony won’t let you stay here if you keep upsetting her, especially since she’s pregnant,” I told her as I pulled her down the hall for privacy.

“I don’t give a shit what Tony says or does to me, Cameron. He can’t do or say anything that hasn’t already been said or done to me, so I’m not too worried about it. Now, why are you dragging me down this hallway like my life depends on it?” she asked as we came to a stop outside the door to her bedroom.

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