Page 15 of Loathe

“I need you to listen to me and not say anything until I am done.” He looked at me with concern.

“Okay, Phoebe. I’ll listen I promise,” he replied.

I took a deep breath and started pouring my heart out to him hoping it wouldn’t be in vain.

Chapter Fourteen

Cameron

I pulled into the parking lot of the truck stop Phoebe called her church and found her sitting off to the side in her car. I parked my bike beside her and hopped in the passenger side to find her crying as her makeup ran down her face. I was immediately filled with concern and my first instinct was to pull her to me, but I was afraid she wouldn’t want that. I didn’t want to do anything that would make her angrier than she already was. I started to say something, but she stopped me with a finger to my mouth.

“Before you say anything, there are some things I need to tell you, things that I’ve never even told Tony. He knows most of the fucked-up shit I’ve been through in my life and that’s why he’s as prone to helping me as he is. The man I called my father for most of my life is not really my father and I didn’t find that out until I turned eighteen. I’m sure you know of my father’s affiliations with the mob and the fact that he ran a whorehouse,” she paused for a moment to keep her emotions under control.

“He and my mother both had started training me to become one of their ladies when I became a teenager. It wasn’t something that I wanted, but I wanted to make them happy, so I went along with it hoping I’d be able to get out of it once I became of age. Right after my eighteenth birthday my mother was killed. That was when he decided to let me know he wasn’t my father, by coming into my room and fucking me without my permission, of course, and telling me how he’d killed my real father and took my mother.” She paused to take a deep breath.

I could tell she was beginning to panic, so I wrapped my arm around her tighter and held her close to me as she tried to find the strength to continue her story. I knew that was a hard thing for her to do and I was so proud of her for doing it.

“He made me work for him a while before I was able to get away, and I came to the club, which I had known about through dealings with my father. I keep hiding and he keeps finding me, but the one thing that stays the same is the safety I feel when I am with the club. That is why I did what I did to get the kutte and the tattoo. I wanted to make sure I had a place that would protect me from the evil that is my so-called father. I’ve ran from him my entire life almost and I am tired of running. I want a normal life and I think I deserve that. What’s worse is he has found me again and wants to see me because he is ill. I don’t know how I feel about that,” she said taking another breath.

I pulled her into me and squeezed her tight as the tears broke free. She sobbed against me. I’d never been with anyone that could open up to me like that and trust me not to judge them for it. I hoped she felt safe with me, and it felt like she did. It was so damn nice. I hoped the rug wouldn’t be pulled out from under me like it had in the past. I was ready for something to be real, and I wanted it to be with her. I hoped she felt the same about me too.

“Phoebe, I’m so sorry for the shit you’ve endured your whole life and I understand how that would make you want to close yourself off. I want to love you though, and I’m hoping that you will let me try to love you and break down those walls that you’ve put up around yourself to keep yourself from getting hurt again. I know it isn’t going to be easy and there are going to be times you’re not going to want to let me in. I want to be the one that reassures you that I am here for you and hopefully one day you won’t hesitate to let me in. I want to be the one you tell all your secrets to, and I want to know the things you desire most,” I said as I paused for a moment.

“I can’t promise anything, because I’ve got my own demons to tend to … and I wouldn’t make promises anyway since I don’t believe in breaking them, but I want to try my best to love you if you’ll allow me to. I’ll do my best to take care of you and not hurt you.” I leaned in and gently pressed my lips to hers.

“I’d like that, Cameron. I’ve wanted someone to at least try to love me for a long time, but no one has ever been patient enough. Granted, I’ve not made it easy on anyone. I just wanted someone to show me I was worth it, and you are the only one that has,” she said as she pulled away from my kiss breathless.

“You are very worth it, Phoebe, and I am glad you are giving me the chance to show you just how worth it you really are. You know you’re going to have to tell Tony all of this. He needs to know everything, maybe he’d understand more if he knew,” I told her.

“I know he needs to know, and I know I should’ve told him a long time ago, but I never thought he deserved to know with the way he treated me during our time together. The way he treated me was part of the reason I did the things I did to him. I know two wrongs don’t make a right, but at the time I didn’t care. I just wanted to hurt him the way he’d been hurting me and things got toxic fast.”

“Yeah, I get that and it’s good that you removed yourself and gave the situation some space, but you’re back now and he needs to know. I’ll go with you to tell him if you want me to,” I offered.

Her face lit up and I knew that all she needed was assurance that she wasn’t alone anymore, and I knew I could give her that. I knew it was going to be hard for her to tell Tony the things she’d told me, but I knew she had the strength inside to do it. I could tell she was still doubting herself while thoughts ran wild in her mind, so I kissed the back of her hand to bring her back to reality.

She smiled at me, and I knew as long as I could keep that smile on her face, she would be okay. “I’m going to do my best to keep you smiling like that forever.” I kissed her hand again.

“No one is going to be happy all the time, Cameron. I don’t expect that, but what I’ve been looking for is the person that will hold me through the storms that life is going to throw at me,” she said.

I nodded in understanding and leaned over, kissing her on the cheek. I knew we needed to get headed back if we were going to have time to tell Tony everything I’d been told, but I hated to leave and not have her to myself. I sat there with her for a while longer taking in her beauty and hoping I’d made the right decision to meet her there.

I hoped what I had done wouldn’t bite me in the ass again, but I had to take a chance on her, I just had to. I remembered a time I wanted someone to take a chance on me, and it broke me when they didn’t. I couldn’t do that to her. I wouldn’t allow her to be broken by my hand or anyone else’s. I was going to do what I needed to so that she would always be safe.

Chapter Fifteen

Phoebe

I was relieved that Cameron finally knew everything, but I knew that meant I’d have to tell Tony. I had only told him some things that I’d been through in my life, and I knew that once he knew the rest, he would be unstoppable with rage. I didn’t want him to do anything stupid, which is why I’d never told him my full story, and because I didn’t think he’d deserved to know since he wasn’t worthy. He’d treated me so bad during our time together, I wasn’t sure he would ever deserve to hear my truth.

“Are you ready to go back?” Cameron asked me softly as he grabbed my hand.

“No, I’m not really ready, but it’s something that needs to be done I suppose,” I replied.

In all honesty, I was terrified of having to tell that all over again and relive the pain, but I knew it needed to be done that way everything would be out in the open. I could finally have a fresh start. It had been a long time coming and even though my nerves were starting to get the best of me, I knew it was the right thing to do. It was something that I should’ve done a long time ago. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten so angry and bitter. I couldn’t help but wonder if everything I’d endured over the years was the reason I had horrible luck with men.

I knew it had to be, because I trusted none of the men that I had ever tried to have a relationship with, and it ended up being more of a hooker type situation. I wanted my father to suffer, to hurt the way he’d hurt me, but I knew that would never happen. There was nothing anyone could do to him to cause him the level of pain I’d endured at his hand and all the while I’d continued loving the bastard until that one fateful night.

Cameron kissed the back of my hand and stroked his thumb across the back of it as he looked into my eyes. I’d never had anyone be that way with me, and I wasn’t sure what to think about it. It was going to take some getting used to even though I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to get used to that.

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