Page 86 of Samuel

“You couldn’t have known what was going to happen.”

He raked his hand through his hair. “Doesn’t matter, Bluebell. You’re my responsibility?—”

“Right. I’m your responsibility. Here on the ranch. That’s what this is about? You failed in some made up duty to me? Iabsolve you of your guilt, Sam. Go. Be free. Don’t let it hurt your heart.”

“Fuck. I don’t just think of you as a responsibility.”

“Then why?” She swiped away a tear and he felt like the world's biggest asshole as he watched another run down, right over her bruised flesh. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Christ. The last fucking thing he wanted to talk about was his heart. He saw the dark circles under her eyes. The way her body was slightly swaying even though she was sitting down. She was exhausted, and it was taking every ounce of restraint he had to not pick her up and take her to get some rest in bed.

If she needed to hash out everything from the night before in order to be able to rest, it was the least he could do for her. So, Sam took a deep breath and got ready to bear his soul.

“I didn’t want you to see me any differently. I saw the way you looked at me that first day when you were on the ranch.” He smiled, remembering the tension he’d felt with her from the very beginning. “You saw a cowboy standing in front of you. Not a broken man who was dead not even six months before.”

She nodded. “We were the perfect storm. I wanted someone to see that I was breakable. And you wanted to feel anything but that.”

Sam sank down onto the opposite end of the couch, letting his head fall into his hands. “Everyone in my life has been walking on eggshells around me. Treating me like a baby who can’t even wipe his own ass. I get it. Abby watched me die. I know how fucking awful that is because I watched our dad die the same exact way. Except I came back. I came back. And I’m the same person I was before. It doesn’t matter how many doctors I see or how many times they tell me I’m okay. They all refuse to see it.”

A warm hand landed on the back of his neck, drifting up to play with his hair. Sam lifted his head out of his hands asEvie shifted closer, their legs now touching as she ran her hand up and down his back.

“I see it, Cowboy. I see how strong you are. Carrying the weight of the world on your back. Not asking for help, just asking what more you can do to help the people you love. I’m not saying that I’m not still hurt because you didn’t tell me, but I am telling you that I understand wanting someone to see you for who you truly are.”

“Evie, I?—”

“No. I don’t want another apology. I want that pickle and peanut butter sandwich you promised me and a few hours of sleep. It took so long last night to put everything back in its place. I feel like I could fall over right now.”

Sam stood, scooping her up in his arms. He smiled at the little squeal that Evie let out. “You don’t have to carry me.”

“You just admitted to me that you aren’t feeling well. I’m not letting you walk anywhere until you’ve had something to eat and gotten some rest. I see you. You’re breakable right now, but I promise I’m not going to let you shatter.”

“How did you get back to the ranch last night?” Evie asked him as he draped the comforter over her legs and belly.

“John and Abby drove me back.”

“You were drunk.”

It wasn’t a question. Somehow, she knew. “I haven’t had any alcohol since… my heart. I had two drinks last night, but they were strong and I wasn’t about to do something irresponsible like drive. I already fucked up things with you beyond repair.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “How did you know I’d been drinking?”

“I heard you, when you knocked and tried to apologize.”

“Evie, why the hell didn’t you open the damn door? I would have made sure you were okay then and there.”

“I-I was scared.”

“Sweetheart.” He should have been there to protect her.Whoever was waiting there for her would have had to go through him. “Just close your eyes and wait for me to come back. It’ll take me only a minute to make your gross sandwich,” he teased. “And then you can eat and get some rest.”

Evie smiled and snuggled down into her bed. He was back not even five minutes later, pickle and peanut butter sandwich with the crust cut off and a glass of lemonade in his hands.

“Thank you for this, Sam.” Evie brought the napkin to her mouth and brushed away a few stray crumbs. “You don’t have to stay any longer. I’m fine now.”

“I’ll stay.”

“You really don?—”

“I’ll stay and make sure no one comes through that door. You said you couldn’t sleep last night because you were afraid. Well, you can sleep now. Because no one is going to get to you with me here. No one.”

“You can’t do that. I know you have things that need to get done on the ranch.”

---