Page 57 of Shadow's Chosen

"What happened?" Elise asked after a pause.

"You were hit. It was my fault," he said.

"How was it your fault?"

"I should have protected you better. I should have..." He closed his eyes, and Elise sighed.

"Typical. Well, for what it's worth I don't blame you." Elise smiled. The scene started to come back to her. "I was in the line of fire. It couldn't be helped. I just wish I had a better gun." She could see Nezka wasn't much happier with her response so she added, "If you want to apologize, I will forgive you."

"I'm sorry."

"I forgive you."

They lay silent again for a long moment as Elise listened to the sounds of the roaring of trams or ships somewhere in the distance. So much quieter now than usual.

"Where are we?" Elise asked.

"Some sanctuary. That's all you need to know for now," Nezka replied. "The people here are kind."

Elise nodded her head. "That's nice for once." She looked back at him as he watched her, his gaze lingering over her face, neck, and shoulders. She might as well ask since she could see the look of concern in his expression. "How bad was I?"

Nezka's eyes flicked up to the ceiling then back to her. "Pretty bad. The bullet wound was shallow. Thanks to the armor, it didn't even pierce all the way through. But the poison..."

"Ah. That explains why I felt awful after," Elise said.

"Yes."

Elise nodded. "Well, I guess it's good you found help in time."

"More like help found me. But, yes, I agree," Nezka said, his hand squeezing hers gently.

Elise knitted her fingers with his and shifted a little closer. "It was worth it, though, you know. I would have rather died than been left at that gatehouse."

Nezka frowned. "I would have never abandoned you or let them keep you."

"I know. But I'm just saying...even if you hadn't got us out. If the worst had happened and you hadn't won that fight—"

Nezka huffed.

"—I would have fought to escape. I would have let them gun me down before becoming their plaything or their slave."

A shadow passed over Nezka's eyes, and Elise shivered. At the sudden realization of her almost-death, Elise wanted to tell him everything. To just open herself to him and let it all come falling out. It was hard, but she wanted him to know. She wanted to let the fear go.

"I had a sister a long time ago," Elise began. "Only a few years older than me. Her name was Grace. It's an older name on my world, but Dad was always old-fashioned. Anyway. He trained us both to be the best we could be. But Grace was always his shining star. I lived in her shadow for a long time, but she was always there to teach me. I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to be brave and tough and strong. Just like her." Elise closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "She died of sudden heart failure. Just one day—gone, just like that. We were just about to enter our junior training academy together. I had to go on alone.

"It was hard for a long time. My father remarried, and I got a couple of step-brothers. He looked to them to be the best, but I never stopped my training. I never stopped trying. For Grace." Elise cleared her throat, refusing to cry in front of him. "When I got promoted to a high rank soldier and started with my team, one of our first missions was on a newly-registered world. There wasn't even a full base there yet. The gyda, the first race of nonhumans we ever encountered, had a small reservation there on the base. Only a few months in, half the gyda from the reserve went missing. We were tasked to go and find them. The planet was an awful, jungle landscape, the most uncomfortable heat I've ever felt. There were rumors of a company looking to extract resources from the planet, working somewhere deep in the jungle. There were rumors the gyda might have been taken there. We went looking and found the company's base but no gyda. None that we could see, at least, from the outer walls." Elise paused for a moment, closing her eyes. Nezka lay quietly beside her. "We decided someone would have to go in. I volunteered first because I knew it was what Grace would have done. I disguised myself as a lone intern—a student—doing her research on the company. Little did we know the company was working with a terrorist group, bent on enslaving the gyda. They found me walking the jungle nearby and took me. They suspected me right away, but that didn't keep them from putting me to good use." Elise opened her eyes and saw Nezka watching her, listening carefully. "I found the gyda. They were stuck in some warehouse making machine parts. Some had been beaten bad, others even mutilated. I knew where they were before I saw them because I could hear their cries..." Elise squeezed his hand. "They made me work just like them. They hit me a few times but never beat me like they did the gyda. I kept my composure for most of it but as days passed, I began to slip. Being controlled was the worst thing I had to endure. I nearly knocked a guy's teeth out, but I knew if I attacked them, they would put me away somewhere, and I had to stay with the gyda. Weeks passed, and I heard nothing from my team, even after I had let out the signal confirming the gyda's whereabouts. I was starting to worry something had happened, that they weren't going to come. It was the first time I felt doubt for my team. It was also the first time I really felt terrified. Afraid I was stuck there with the gyda with no hope of escape. I was ashamed, as stupid as that is. But I couldn't help thinking of my sister. How she would have been stronger, braver." Elise sniffed, looking away from him. "Anyway...eventually, my team did come, and I was able to help the gyda escape. They called us heroes. It was a successful mission in the end, and everyone congratulated me on my bravery but..." Elise looked back at him. "Still to this day, those weeks come back, something random triggering the memory, and I just...I fear someday I'll slip in front of the others, and they'll know. They'll know I'm not like my sister at all."

Nezka's face darkened considerably even as he drew his other hand up to brush a comforting touch on her arm. "You are brave, Starling. More brave than you think." His voice held an edge to it, and he seemed to tense. His reaction was strange, but Elise chalked it up to him being uncomfortable. But then, maybe it was something else. Maybe he had endured something like it once himself. She felt better, anyway, after telling him. A little lighter, at least for the moment.

"My team and the others might be thinking the same now," she said after another pause. "They might be thinking there is no hope, that no one is coming. I have to keep going for them. Or die trying." She leaned in and kissed him. "Thank you for helping me." She smiled. He didn't smile back but he allowed her to touch her lips to his. He said nothing, but that didn't bother her.

His hand continued to caress her, and for a moment, his expression actually looked pained, but she couldn't imagine why.

"I felt terrified too," he said suddenly.

Elise fixed him with a confused frown. "When?"

"Just a few hours ago. When I thought I was going to lose you. I don't think I felt that sort of fear in...in a long time."

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