Page 79 of Keep Me Safe

“You deserve so much more than I can give you. You should be going off to college right now, starting your life, and getting the hell out of this town. You should be with someone your own age, someone who can hold you at the fucking gas station without the fear of what people think.”

Where is this even coming from? He doesn’t get it. I don’t want any of that. I want him. I want this town. This is my home.

He’s wrong.

“No.”

chapter twenty-three

noah

“What do you mean, ‘no’?”

“I mean, no,” she says, her eyebrows jumping.

Who am I kidding? She doesn’t know what she wants. She’s too young. After a few years, she’ll realize she settled for me and leave just like Angie did.

“Let’s say we tell Jared, and he somehow miraculously is fine with it. What about five years down the road, ten? You’ll realize that you want more from life than I can give you.”

Saying it out loud makes me wince, but it needs to be said. There is no way that she would be happy with me in the long term. What we have right now is thrilling because it’s risky, but once that’s gone, she’ll understand this isn’t what she wants.

“You don’t get to make that decision for me, Noah,” she retorts, her eyes locked on mine. “How would you know what I want? You’ve never even asked. I don’t have these massive dreams that you seem to think I do. With everything I’ve been through, I just want to focus on what makes me happy, and I am capable of making my own choices.”

“You say that now–”

“I’m not finished. I am living my life the way I want to. This place is my home, and yeah, I’d like to go on vacation once in a while, but I love it here, and I fully plan on staying.”

I never asked her what she wanted to do with her life. I mean, we talk about the things she loves, but we’ve never really talked about what she wants for her future.

I guess it never came up. She deserves someone who asks those questions. We’re so close now, her warm, wet body between my legs. It’s taking everything I have in me not to run my fingers over her bare skin.

“Fine. Tell me you don’t want me,” she says, wiping her cheek. “Tell me you want nothing to do with me, and I’ll drop it.”

I should. Even though it would be a complete lie, I should tell her that. It would be for her own good. I want her more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life, but that’s not enough, is it? We’re at completely different stages. Her life is just starting. She deserves so much more than a single dad in a small town who barely has his own life together. I would only be holding her back.

Not to mention, Jared would never forgive me. He’s in love with her, his best friend, and if he finds out there is something between us, it will crush him, which, in turn, will hurt Kira.

“Kira,” I beg, my voice hoarse. I can’t lie to her. “It doesn’t matter what I want. What matters is what’s best for you and Jared. That’s all that’s ever mattered to me.”

“And you know what’s best for me?” she asks, crossing her arms under her chest, making it even harder to hold onto my resolve.

“I don’t. I just know I’m not it.”

Before I can do something to make this whole situation worse, like pull her into my lap and hold her until she stops crying, I rise to my feet. I hate leaving her out here, but I’ll change my mind if I stay.

When I get out of the shower, Kira is gone. Checking my phone, I breathe a sigh of relief at an unread message from her.

Kira:Going to Maddie’s.

It was the right thing to do, I know it was, but the look in her eyes when she understood what I was saying nearly ended me. I have to keep reminding myself it’s what needs to happen. I’m way too old for her, and any relationship between us would be doomed from the start.

None of that stops me from looking down at my bed and thinking about how Kira felt nestled in my arms the other morning. The softness of her bare skin on mine, the way she cuddled even further into me as she slept. I shake my head, trying to push those thoughts away. Maybe I can do what I always do when I need a distraction.

Grabbing two beers from the fridge, I head out the front door and across the street.

It only takes a couple of seconds after I knock for Keith to show up at the door, a confused look on his face.

“Oh god, what do you want?” he asks, his sarcasm evident.

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