Page 57 of Keep Me Safe

chapter sixteen

noah

I am not jealous of my own goddamn son. I mean, what was he supposed to do, not buy her a gift?

But watching him with her, the way he looks at her. The way she lets him touch her. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I don’t believe for a second that he doesn’t want her as much as I do. He was trying to find her that night, during the party he threw for her, but he couldn’t because she was upstairs.

With me.

That was not supposed to happen, but it’s all I’ve been able to think about. The way she responded to my touch, the way she begged me, her fucking taste on my tongue. It’s seared into my memory. We haven’t spoken much since that night, and at this point, I’m not sure who’s avoiding who.

A beeping sound signals that the zucchini bread is ready. Refocusing my thoughts on the task at hand, I pull the bread out of the oven and place it on the hot pad on the counter. The smell of sugar and cinnamon fills the room. Today is Al’s retirement party, and he’s a huge fan of zucchini bread, so I decided that was a better option than store-bought cake.

Soft footsteps come from the wooden stairs, drawing my eyes to the source. I sense it’s her before I even see her. She’s barefoot in a pair of denim shorts and a cropped t-shirt, her honey-brown hair in two braids that fall over her shoulders. Her face hardens when her eyes meet mine, but I pretend I don’t notice.

“Mornin’. Sleep good?”

I’m asking because I genuinely want to know. She hasn’t been having as many nightmares lately, but every once in a while, she wakes up in a panic.

She ignores me, stepping past me to grab a yogurt from the fridge.

“Listen, Kira, I–”

“Just don’t. I already know what you’re going to say, and I really don’t care to hear it,” she says, turning away from me.

“And what is it that you think I’m going to say?”

She looks around, probably making sure Jared isn’t within earshot, before taking a step toward me.

“You’re going to tell me that the other night was a mistake. You’re going to tell me that you regret it, and it won’t happen again,” she answers, her voice low. “Was that close?”

“Kira...” I trail off. I want to tell her that’s not the case. I want to tell her that If I could, I would take her upstairs right now and prove it to her, but I know better. We can’t do this. It’s not fair to Jared or Kira. She deserves far better than me. She needs someone her own age, like Jared.

The way her expression shifts from anger to disappointment crushes me, but it’s better this way. I would rather have her think I don’t want her than fuck up her life even more than I already have. She doesn’t want this, not really.

“You’re an asshole,” she sighs, grabbing her keys off the counter and heading for the door.

I let her go.

All the guys are there when I get to the fire station. Half of them are on shift. The other half are here for Al’s party. He’ll still be here for the next month or so, but we wanted to celebrate the occasion as soon as he announced the date. He has beenplanning this retirement for a while, so it isn’t a surprise, but it’s still surreal. He’s been the fire commissioner since before I became a firefighter. It’s hard to imagine what this place would look like without him.

Dave decorates the kitchen with numerous tablecloths, balloons, and a “Happy Retirement” banner. His theme seems to be black and gold.

“Looks good!” I announce, placing the zucchini bread on the counter.

“Thank you, we’re about ready. Does someone want to go find him?” Dave asks.

“I will,” Jeff answers.

I chuckle, shaking my head at them.

Somehow, we manage to get all the guys into the kitchen before Jeff comes back with Al, and we are all waiting there when they come through the door.

“Surprise!” everyone yells.

The shock is barely noticeable on Al’s face, but it’s there, and his lips turn up in a small smile.

“Happy retirement, old man,” I tell him.

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