Page 62 of Vendetta

I slammed my eyes shut, willing it all to go away. Maybe this was all just some horrible dream and I could wake up if I willed it hard enough.

“Landry…” His voice was gentle, almost desperate. I had never heard him sound like that before. I tucked my face back into his body, curling close. I just wanted to feel his warmth, to feel his arms around me for a moment longer before it all disappeared. Before things went back to how they should be, with us at each other’s throats, and him pushing me away. I knew what I was to him, he had said so himself. I was nothing to him. But for a moment longer, I just wanted to pretend. To let myself feel wanted before reality came crashing back in.

I had no words left to give him, no fight left in me. I felt completely drained, dead to the world. I swallowed down a gulp, all of the emotions from last night laid raw on the table, and I felt more vulnerable than I ever had in my entire life. Tears threatened to fall, but there were none remaining to do so. The well had run dry, nothing left but emptiness.

“Landry, look at me.”

A hand cupped my face, a thumb lightly brushing my cheek as he slowly tilted my head up to see him. He looked handsome as ever, his dark hair disheveled as it hung over his face. Those green eyes that I had grown to love met mine, so much uncertainty swirling through them. Sunlight streamed from underneath his dark curtains, letting me know that I must haveslept through the night in his bed. Had he slept here too? He looked tired, bags hanging underneath his eyes. Had he slept at all?

“I’m sorry…” I whispered, unsure where to even begin apologizing. This was beyond mortifying.

“Landry,” he pushed, forcing my eyes back to his as they tried to look anywhere other than him. “Olivia is on her way, she’ll be here in half an hour.”

I nodded my head, my eyes falling away from his. He didn’t seem to be pushing me away, though. I wasn’t sure why he was still holding me tight, but I didn’t have it in me to think about that right now. I just wanted to go back to sleep, to stay here forever. To forget everything that had happened. To forget all of the lives that I had cost the people that I cared about. It was a heavy burden to bear, and one that I wasn’t strong enough to carry.

“What happened last night?” he asked, his tone soft.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, keeping my lips closed as he continued to gently run his hand over my hair. It almost felt loving, the way he held me. I couldn’t let myself get comfortable though, knowing it would never last. This was not a fairytale, after all. And even if it was, I was the least deserving person of a happy ending.

He seemed to accept my silence, not pushing any further. I wondered what was going through his head, what must he have thought when I showed up last night. I didn’t want to think about it, shoving everything to the back of my mind except for this moment right now.

My throat felt raw, everything in me hollow. I stared off into the distance, focusing on Cashton’s heartbeat against mine as I drowned everything else out.

You took her away from me.

It should have been you, not her.

I loathe you.

You are nothing to me

You are nothing.

The thoughts hammered through my brain, louder and louder, until I could barely breathe. I tried to retreat into myself, to force every single thing out, but those words still lingered, like a billboard at the forefront of my mind.

The bedroom door slammed open, Olivia not bothering to knock as she barged in.

“Oh my gosh, Landry! Are you okay?”

She raced over, jumping onto the foot of the bed as she crawled over to where Cashton and I lay. A part of me didn’t want to let go of him, didn’t want him to leave. He was the last person I should be getting comfort from, but his arms made me feel safe.

He slowly pulled away and I felt his warmth retreat, curling myself into the comforter to try to make up for the loss. Olivia took his place, laying on top of the covers as she grabbed me in her arms.

“What happened? Are you okay? Zayn said you showed up last night in your pajamas and passed out before they could get to you. Where did you even come from? Did you walk from your house? Did your dad do something?”

I squeezed my eyes shut harder, drowning out my best friend. I knew she meant well, but I couldn’t let myself thinkabout anything that had happened last night. I wasn’t ready to face any of it, I just wanted to forget. I needed to disappear, to curl my mind into itself.

My eyes opened once more, staring vacantly to the doorway as I watched Cashton walk through it. Whatever had happened last night was over now in the light of day. He had taken care of me. I would forever be thankful for that.

But I didn’t belong here. I didn’t belong anywhere.

And so, I let Olivia hold me, staying silent as a fresh set of tears began to fall. And I let her put on one of my favorite comfort shows, getting under the covers with me as she rubbed my back and told me that everything would be okay. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it wouldn’t be.

Because I wasn’t okay. I was broken. I was nothing.

CHAPTER 32

CASHTON

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