Gareth broke into a grin. “Totally.”
While Gareth ordered their food and got them each a soda, Kit changed out of his dusty jeans and tee and put on a clean pair of sweats along with a fresh shirt. When he made it back to the living room, he noticed Gareth had done the same.
A wave of concern passed over him at how casual and relaxed they both were, how Gareth was resting against one of the couch arms, his feet propped up on the cushion. The homey intimacy of the scene was both exciting and terrifying at the same time. They could be boyfriends getting ready to enjoy a quiet evening at home.
Kit paused at the edge of the sofa, raking his fingers through his hair, swallowing hard as he gingerly took a seat at the opposite end. Gareth had been flipping through the menu of a streaming channel so hadn’t picked up on Kit’s hesitancy. It filled him with relief that Gareth wasn’t paying attention right then. He probably already thought Kit was enough of a mess.
“What do you think? Another monster flick, or would you rather—?” Gareth turned and frowned. “Sorry about that. I’m hogging the couch.”
He started to swing his legs off the sofa, but Kit held up his hand in a stopping motion. “No, don’t move. There’s plenty of room.”
Gareth seemed to be considering Kit’s remark then left his legs where they were. “True. If you’d like to lean back on the other arm, you can rest your legs up here next to mine. Here…” Gareth positioned his feet so they were flush to the back cushion. “Now you can stretch out too.”
Kit’s heart thundered, a flash of dizziness rushing through him, but this time he didn’t hesitate. He tried to keep his legs from making contact with Gareth’s, but it was impossible. A zing went straight to his dick. He cleared his throat and folded his hands in his lap.
Gareth quickly averted his gaze then went back to flipping through movies. Kit pretended to be interested in the selections, but couldn’t stop himself from checking Gareth out in his peripheral vision. Was it his imagination, or had Gareth’s breathing elevated?
“Uh, yeah. So…we should pick something out before the food gets here.” Gareth scooted up to more of a sitting position, which only served to make their calves jostle against each other. He set down the remote with a sigh then rubbed his forehead. “Sorry. I got distracted. We can worry about the movie in a sec. I wanted us to get relaxed so you could tell me what’s bothering you. I don’t ever want you to think I’m not listening or not taking your concerns seriously.”
Kit tore his thoughts away from the gentle pressure of Gareth’s strong legs resting against his own, the warmth building where they made contact, and forced himself to focus on what Gareth was talking about. What was he talking about?
“Oh, right.” Kit scooted up as well and the jostling began anew. Dammit. “It suddenly occurred to me when we were talking about Ted going to jail that I don’t know what Mom will do. He’s controlled her for so many years and she’s never been alone or had to take care of herself.”
“Hmm.” Gareth nodded. “That’s a valid concern. She might need some help getting back on her feet, to get used to being on her own. But we’ll help.”
“We will? You don’t just mean me?” What was Gareth promising?
Gareth gave him his lopsided smile. “I mean we. I consider her a parent way more than I do him.”
“Wow. That’s really nice of you.” Kit picked at imaginary lint on his sweats.
Gareth leaned forward and patted his knee. “It’s the right thing to do. I don’t abandon people, I want you to know that. You never have to be afraid again, Kit.”
Kit swallowed past a lump in his throat. “I…I don’t know what to say.” He stared down at his twisting fingers and chuckled shakily. “I also don’t know why I still do this.” He unlaced his fingers and shook out his hands. “I’ve been doing it ever since I can remember. It’s like I never grew up.”
“No. It’s like you haven’t gotten away from a major source of anxiety. You haven’t had a safe space.” Gareth stared at Kit with an intensity that was unsettling. “There are ways to work on helping with that if you’re ever interested.”
“Yeah, sure. I’d definitely be interested.”
Kit gazed down at his hands. He’d placed them flat on his thighs in an effort to not unconsciously start wringing them again. The silence stretched out between them and that desperate need to fill the space with less dangerous conversation overtook him.
“Have you been in contact with your own mom?”
She’d barely been a part of Gareth’s life when he’d lived with them and he hadn’t said much about her back then. Kit worried that he should’ve kept his stupid mouth shut after all. Maybe he was opening old wounds.
“Eh.” Gareth shrugged. “Here and there. She’s in Pennsylvania now with the guy she married right after Ted. At least they’re still together. No kids, though.” He snorted. “I don’t think children are her thing. They take lots of cruises and go on long backpacking trips. I was always in the way when I was little, and she wasn’t the type to pretend.” He scratched his head. “Gotta hand it to her though. She got sick of his bullshit early on and took off.”
“But…she left you behind with him.”
Gareth smirked. “Hence the reason I don’t go out of my way to stay in contact. It’s not as if it bothers her any.”
Kit winced. “I’m sorry. That’s real shitty and I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
Gareth shrugged again. “I got over it ages ago. And remember, I said you can ask me anything. No subject is off-limits between us, deal?”
Kit smiled, relieved he hadn’t hurt his brother’s feelings. “Deal.”
The doorbell rang and Gareth frowned. “The fuck?”