“Oh? Why’s that?”
Tate wiggled on the mattress to get more comfortable. He should’ve gotten up earlier so he could make coffee and sit on a regular chair.
“Because he’s been standing up for me, even though they keep telling him I’m as bad as Cam was.”
“Hmm. Okay, finish telling me the rest.”
Tate explained how he’d spotted Rogan at the service, and how he’d had an impulse to approach him. Master Zane didn’t interrupt Tate as he laid out almost every detail of what had happened between him and Rogan since their time together at the coffee shop.
“So, what I was wondering, Sir, is whether you think it’s okay for me to…”
Tate didn’t know what he was truly asking. He’d been about to ask if it was okay for him to feel the way he did, but that wasn’t exactly something he could fix. He couldn’t switch off at will whatever it was that was drawing him to Rogan.
“To what, Tate? You have to be truthful. That’s the only way I can help you.”
“I know.” He sighed. “But it’s so strange, so unexpected. Being interested in someone wasn’t on my mind. Not even to decide I didn’t want to be with a man. Romance wasn’t a part of my thoughts at all.”
“Ask, Tate. I’m not going to lead you in one direction or another, nor am I going to put words in your mouth.”
“Is it too soon for me to try and have a relationship?”
“Probably.”
Tate’s stomach plummeted as if he’d fallen from a cliff. Looming in the back of his mind had been this very fear, this vicious specter hiding in the shadows of Tate’s dreams, waiting to steal his potential happiness.
“However,” the Master continued. “When it comes to attraction, it’s difficult to hold our emotions to a strict timetable. With that said, I need even more details. For one, are you certain he’s interested in you too?”
Tate scratched his stubble-covered jaw. Maybe there was nothing but a whole lot of wishful thinking on his part and he was torturing himself for nothing. But the memory of stolen glances and accidental touches came to mind, and Tate knew the answer.
“I am.”
“One more very important question.”
Tate’s stomach knotted. “Okay.”
“Do you think you could be in a relationship with a man who isn’t a Daddy, or for that matter, isn’t even a Dom?”
Tate dropped his chin and plucked at the ratty old blanket covering his legs. The faded blue covering had been close to falling apart when he’d rented the dumpy apartment, and the repeated hot water washings Tate had given it hadn’t done the thing any favors.
“I-I don’t know.”
The silence stretched between them, and Tate assumed Master Zane was gathering his thoughts. He’d be crushed if the Master told him part of the rules were that he couldn’t see Rogan anymore. Tate had never entertained the idea of willfully disobeying a Dom before, he’d never had a reason to, but now realized he’d fight for Rogan if necessary.
“Then you should wait and see how things develop. I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but is it possible that you’d be willing to latch onto any man who showed you kindness, who found you attractive? Initially, it might be wonderful, might feel as though you could be in a vanilla relationship with him because everything else clicks into place. But what happens as the years go by and you’re no longer getting your needs fulfilled? What then?”
Tate was back to gnawing on his knuckle, and he drew his knees to his chest again. Tears burned at the backs of his eyes. Master Zane was right. But that didn’t make his advice any less agonizing.
“Tate, you’re awfully quiet. I can sense your disappointment from here. Did you need me to come by? You could hang out with my boys today. They’ll be planting tomatoes and cucumbers in a section of our yard they’ve decided to transform into a garden.” He chuckled. “Should be interesting.”
“But what if he decides he does want to be a Daddy?”
Master Zane sighed. “All right, you’re in a tough place right now, a truly, truly awful place that breaks my heart every time I think about it. Because of that, it’s making it difficult for even me, a man who’s never had an issue reprimanding a boy, to dole out punishments or bark orders.”
Tate frowned, not sure why Master Zane had ignored his question and started talking about something else. His eyes widened as it hit him.
“Oh.” Tate stretched out his legs with a wince, his legs protesting from being curled up so tightly. “I’m sorry, Sir. That was rude. Um, thank you for the offer, but I don’t think I’m ready to be around other boys yet. Not that they’re not awesome, just that it’ll make me…” The first of the tears began to fall. “Jealous.”
“Then there’s your answer,” said Master Zane softly. “If Rogan isn’t interested in the lifestyle, no matter how much you cared about him and he cared about you, you’d both end up miserable.”