Page 15 of Born Daddy

“You were about to say something else, Tate. Something about why you thought Cam was keeping you around.”

Silence stretched between them while Rogan waited for Tate to respond.

“I don’t want to sound pathetic.”

“How you feel isn’t being pathetic. It just is. Remember, I’m not here to judge. I’m here as your friend.”

“I know. And that means a lot. But…I just figured he wanted someone to take care of who didn’t give him any trouble and who he could count on for regular sex.”

Rogan winced. “Do you honestly believe that’s true?”

“Yeah. I do. You know, Daddies and boys have very specific needs. And you can’t get the same satisfaction of a total power exchange relationship without an ongoing commitment. I’m not talking about sex or romance right now. Casual dating and hook-ups don’t cut it. With me, he could nurture me all he wanted, exercise control and be the Daddy. I’m sure he knew I wouldn’t complain or question. I’m guessing that’s why he chose me. A bratty boy wouldn’t have worked for him. He probably would’ve kill—”

Tate gasped and Rogan swallowed hard, his mouth full of dust as a shiver ran up his spine.

“Tate, it’s okay. I could’ve easily made the same slip, it’s such a common expression.” Rogan needed to steer them toward something else. “What about love in these kinds of relationships? Is that ever part of the equation?”

While he’d only ever been in love once in his life, it had also been with the one man he’d lived with. Rogan couldn’t comprehend how two people would choose to build a life together at such a deep level, but not have love. Perhaps he was being old-fashioned or too vanilla, but in his opinion, he wouldn’t get that heavily involved if there wasn’t love.

“It definitely can be, but it’s not necessary. Sometimes just finding someone who not only understands, but provides the kink you require, makes the commitment worth it.” Tate lowered his voice. “However, I did love him. I never thought he loved me, and after all that’s happened, now I’m sure of it.” Tate’s tone had turned bitter. “I doubt he was capable of love. I barely think of him as human anymore. It makes me sick t-to think, to remember when he t-touched me, w-when he…”

Another sob broke free from Tate and the fact that Rogan wasn’t with him in reassurance was making him crazy. Even though he wouldn’t offer Tate affection, sometimes having someone else in the room could be a source of strength.

“It’s going to be all right, Tate. I promise time will make it better. And right now, I’ll be here whenever you need me.”

Rogan felt as if he’d opened up the cliché bible and was reciting from Genesis. However, he doubted the perfect words for their bizarrely unique situation existed.

“Thanks. I know I’m a mess right now. I keep saying to myself it’ll get better, then out of nowhere a memory or a word or even a smell will make the horror of what’s happened all come rushing back. I… It means more than you’ll ever know that you’ve given me a chance, that I’m not some loser who was probably conspiring with him the whole time and deserves the same fate.”

The headache that had been trying to gain control finally won, but Rogan would stay on the line with Tate as long as he needed him.

“I believe in my heart you didn’t know, Tate.” Rogan felt the truth of his own words. “We’ll figure this out together, okay?”

“Really? I’m not your problem.”

“Stop it.” Rogan made his voice mock-stern. “I mean what I say.”

“Thank you again.”

“All right, enough on that subject. What else has been bothering you?”

“Actually, this might sound stupid. But when all this is over with, and I move away from here, I was thinking of what I should do next with my life.”

“Oh yeah?” Rogan released some of the tension in his shoulders. He’d never been so thrilled about a change in subject before. “What did you want to be when you grew up?”

Tate let out a loud snort. “I have no idea.”

Rogan smiled. This was a much better topic. “Come on. Everyone has dreams when they’re a kid, imagining what they’ll become someday.”

“I dunno. I’m totally serious.”

Being a therapist had never been part of Rogan’s skill set, yet here he was. If Tate wouldn’t go see a pro, he’d have to step in the best he could. He supposed the interaction alone was helpful.

“Well, I can tell you about my crazy fantasies, starting with the pirate captain one when I was six. Aargh.”

Tate burst out laughing and the heaviness in Rogan’s heart lifted a bit.

“You actually thought you could be a real pirate? Why?”

“Well, it all started when my folks took us on a vacation to Disney World and I became obsessed with the pirate ride. I begged them to go on it over and over until Seb—he’s my younger brother, and the one closest to me in age—had a tantrum in line and refused to get in the boat. He made quite the scene.”

Tate giggled. “That’s awesome. I saw the movie, but I’ve never been on the ride. Tell me more.”

For the next hour, while Rogan laid back against the couch arm, he shared as many funny stories from his childhood as he could think of until Tate was laughing nonstop. Not one of the escapades he spoke of were ones he’d shared with Cam.

He doubted he’d ever speak of those times again.

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