Page 37 of Now and Forever

Daddy ran a hand across the top of his head, his eyes still lowered as if he couldn’t bear to look at Seth. At last, he lifted his gaze.

“I keep fucking up, baby.” Daddy’s brow wrinkled and his eyes shimmered. “First, I destroyed Everett’s legacy. Then, I’m responsible for dozens of people losing their jobs. And now, I’m neglecting you. I-I can’t pull myself together, can’t figure out what to do next.”

“Daddy, no.” Seth scooted closer then covered Daddy’s hand with his. “Don’t worry about me right now. But why would you sayyoudestroyed Everett’s legacy? You don’t have any control over what happened.”

Daddy dropped his head in hands. “I don’tknow. I’ve been drowning in guilt ever since that horrible, awful night. The vineyard had so much history, had been in his family for decades. Then, he entrusts it to me, and the fucking thing burns down.”

Seth was well-acquainted with how guilt and shame could distort your view on events, so he understood exactly what Daddy was going through. He only wished he was as good as Daddy at figuring out how to fix things.

Seth took a chance and placed an arm around Daddy, and instead of pushing him away as Seth had feared he might, he leaned into him and laid his head on Seth’s shoulder.

“Daddy, when you first told me about the winery and how you got involved with the vineyard, you said that Everett was about to lose the business because he didn’t know what he was doing. You saved his vineyard. If it wasn’t for you, the Silver Chalice would’ve been gone a long time ago.”

Daddy grabbed Seth’s hand and wrapped it in his, clutching at his fingers as if Seth were his lifeline. “But it would at least still be there.”

Seth knew all too well the illogical thinking borne of guilt. “No, it wouldn’t. That fire had nothing to do with you or Everett or the Silver Chalice. It just was.”

The choking sobs that burst out of Daddy caught Seth by surprise. He grabbed his weeping Daddy, held him close as the man he would gladly die for fell apart in his arms. Seth rubbed his back, whispering to him over and over, ‘it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault’.

“B-baby,” Daddy stuttered. “I’m sorry, so sorry I haven’t been taking care of you.”

“Don’t apologize. We’re here for each other, it’s not one-sided.”

“Such a sweetheart.” Daddy gave him a squeeze before letting go. “I want to kiss you, but I need a tissue.” He let out a shaky laugh.

“Stay there. I’ll get it for you.”

Seth scurried to the guest bath, remembering how Daddy had helped him when he’d been crying and upset. He returned with a wet washcloth, a box of tissues and a bottle of Tylenol.

Daddy smiled up at him, his eyes red and swollen.

Poor, Daddy.

“Here.” Seth handed him the tissue box, set down the pills on the side table and pressed the cool rag to Daddy’s forehead. “Hold that there while I get you some water.” Seth padded to their bar fridge and snagged a water bottle. He returned then sat next to Daddy before twisting the cap open. He handed him the drink. “Make sure you take at least a few sips.” Daddy did as he was told, but his gaze never left Seth. “Do you want the painkiller too?”

Daddy nodded. “Thank you, baby.”

After they’d gotten that out of the way, Seth patted Daddy’s skin with the cloth, pressing it to each cheek, the back of his neck, then on his forehead again. After a few minutes, Seth removed the cloth then tossed it onto the bar while Daddy blew his nose.

Daddy angled his body so he was facing Seth. “You’re amazing, did you know that?”

“I just want you to be happy, not blame yourself for things that aren’t your fault. I love you.”

“Love you so much, too. C’mere.”

Daddy held open his arms and Seth scooted into his embrace. He pressed their lips together, exploring Seth’s mouth in a leisurely kiss. When he’d finished, it was Seth’s turn to rest his head on Daddy’s shoulder.

“You know, I was thinking. Maybe we should get away for a while.” Seth bit his lip, hoping he’d picked the best of the ideas he’d been conjuring up. “Change of scenery and all that.”

Even if Daddy hadn’t been at the winery all the time, he would still go there a couple times a week. Since the fire, it was as if all his motivation to accomplish anything had died.

When Daddy didn’t respond right away, Seth scoured his mind for the next best suggestion he’d been mulling over. Thankfully, Daddy spoke up first.

“Actually, I think you’re on to something there.” He propped his feet up on the table. “I’ve allowed myself to wallow long enough. I’m not sure what I want to do overall going forward, but I’ve already decided I don’t want to rebuild.”

Seth had been wondering about that but hadn’t wanted to bring up the subject. “Is it because you’re tired of running a vineyard?”

Daddy sighed as he plucked at his sweatpants. They had sort of been his uniform lately. “Probably. I need to keep busy, but the question is, at what? There were aspects of owning a vineyard that I loved, but overall, it was a big, multi-layered operation that was a lot to handle. I had my team and they were fantastic. But that’s not the same as having a partner who shares the responsibilities, the pride of ownership.”

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