Page 36 of Now and Forever

The Silver Chalice was on its own.

“Daddy, I got you some coffee.”

Malcolm tore his gaze from the grim scene then regarded Seth standing before him with a Styrofoam cup. For some reason, he found that odd. He thought he remembered something about the material being toxic. A swirl of embers blew around their heads and Malcolm coughed from the acrid smell of smoke. He accepted the coffee from Seth. Styrofoam was the least of his worries.

“Thanks, baby.”

“It’s not very good.”

The remark struck Malcolm as funny and he started laughing. God, he was so fucking tired. He couldn’t imagine how the firefighters on the front line felt.

“That’s okay. I appreciate having it.”

He wracked his brain, trying to remember the last time they’d done brush abatement. Derek would’ve been the one to oversee everything and Malcolm had sent him home hours ago. But Malcolm was the one who handled the books, so had he paid the service company recently? He rubbed his temple. A sea of invoices swam through his mind, each one running into the next as he tried to recall the name of the company they always used.

“Daddy? Did you want to try reclining the front seat and lying down for a bit? I can keep an eye on things for a while so you can rest.”

Malcolm laced his fingers with Seth’s, using the other hand to take a sip of the muddy, lukewarm coffee. “You’re such a sweetheart, but I can’t.” He inhaled a shuddering breath. “I just can’t.”

“Okay, you let me know.”

Malcolm squeezed Seth’s fingers, his eyes still trained on the fucking wall of flames that only seemed to be growing.

“Mr. Nash?”

Malcolm’s head whipped around at the sound of the voice, and the moment he locked eyes with the fire chief, he didn’t need to hear him say a word.

The winery was gone.

* * * *

Almost a month had passed since the Silver Chalice had burned down, and Seth was so worried about Daddy. He’d never seen him so melancholy. They’d always been early risers, but Daddy had begun to get into the habit of returning to bed after their morning routine. While he hadn’t said he didn’t want Seth to lie down with him, Seth had sensed that maybe Daddy needed the alone time. The last thing he wanted was to be more of a problem than a comfort.

Seth put away the last dish from the dishwasher then glanced around the kitchen. Maybe he could try baking some more cranberry bread. Daddy had seemed to enjoy it—the loaf had barely lasted a day. But there had to besomethingelse he could do for him besides cook and clean. Daddy hadn’t shown any interest in sex, and Seth hadn’t tried to start anything with him either. This wasn’t the time.

Seth checked to see if they had any cranberries left and to double check they had everything else. As he examined the contents of the refrigerator, Daddy strolled into the room. He carried a glass balanced on a small plate, then set them in the sink.

“Hey, baby.” Seth’s heart was crushed at how listless Daddy sounded. “I’ll rinse these off so we can start a load of dishes.”

Seth let the refrigerator door drift close then made his way to Daddy’s side. “That’s okay, I already ran the dishwasher. I can take care of these later.”

Daddy hung his head, grabbing the counter edge and holding on until his knuckles turned white. Seth wasn’t sure what to do. He’d been trying his best, but he wasn’t capable in the way Daddy was. They each had their roles, and now that they were switched, Seth was afraid he was failing at being the caretaker.

Seth had mulled over a few ideas that might help cheer Daddy up, but he’d been trying to decide which one to bring up first. He didn’t want to hurl a bunch of things at him all at once. Seth knew what it was like to try and make sense out of chaos.

“I’m sorry, Seth.”

Seth shoved his hands into his jean pockets. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

He didn’t want to be selfish, but he also didn’t want Daddy to say they couldn’t be together anymore, that he wanted to be aloneallthe time. Maybe losing the Silver Chalice was too much for him to handle in addition to having the burden of caring for a boy. Maybe that’s what he’d been thinking about when he was taking those naps.

Daddy wouldn’t meet his eyes, but he let go of the counter with one hand and clasped Seth’s wrist.

“Would you come sit with me?”

What felt like a rock landed in the pit of Seth’s stomach. He swallowed hard before speaking. “Sure.”

Seth trailed Daddy into the den, trying to ignore how it seemed as though his legs had turned to jelly. Once they reached the deep sofa that they loved to cuddle on when they watched movies or played video games, Daddy gestured for Seth to take a seat. Seth was trembling so hard he wasn’t sure how he’d managed not to collapse. Daddy joined him and Seth tried not to focus on how Daddy hadn’t sat on the same cushion as him.

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