Page 25 of For the Love of a Boy

Chapter Eight

Seth read through several online listings and found two nice leather bound, hardcover copies of To Kill a Mockingbird that he liked. He’d gotten so much better at using the computer and Internet on his own. He couldn’t imagine how he’d survive for so many years without either one. Both copies were around the same amount of money, so he was having a hard time deciding which one to get Daddy for Christmas. Daddy had refused to take any money from his last paycheck when he’d gotten fired, so Seth had cashed the check and saved it. Now he’d found the perfect thing to spend some of it on.

He copied the link then sent it through email to Nate, so he could buy the book on his behalf and have it shipped to the house. Then Seth would pay him back when they all got together the following week for the Portland trip. He and Daddy were going to spend the night in the city on Friday, shop for a club outfit the next day, then meet up with Nate and Tina at the club Saturday night. He was both scared and excited.

Seth closed down the laptop then relaxed against the back of the dining room chair. The past week had been incredibly stressful. Writing down everything he’d been through for the detectives had left him feeling raw and vulnerable. Through it all, Daddy had stayed with him, going out of his way to make Seth feel better. Drawing him a bath and washing his hair, the promised trip to Florence, and a Lord of the Rings movie marathon complete with foot rubs.

Seth chuckled to himself. He’d had no idea that movies could go on for so long, so there’d been plenty of foot massaging going on. However, he was glad Daddy had shown the trilogy to him. He’d never seen anything so fantastic before. As much as he tried not to relate his circumstances to everything around him, he couldn’t help but feel the anguish of Frodo as he fought against such unrelenting evil.

Seth was on his own for the day, though. Daddy had needed to head over to the Silver Chalice Vineyard and Seth hadn’t been up to going. There’d be lots of crowds because of all the holiday events going on, and he didn’t think he could handle being around too many people at the moment. The darkness that had enveloped him after dredging up all the details of his upbringing and captivity had been too draining.

His mind drifted to his teddy bear. He kept Bear in the bedroom, leaning against the pillows just the way Daddy had first placed him. At one point during their Lord of the Rings marathon, Seth had asked if Daddy would mind if he went and got Bear. Daddy had not only told him it wasn’t necessary to ask—to simply get Bear when he wanted him—but he’d also gone and retrieved the toy for him.

Seth checked the time on his cell. It was after two o’clock, which meant the mail had probably been delivered. It also meant there would be several more hours before Daddy returned. Since it would be after their regular dinnertime, Daddy had said they wouldn’t bother cooking. He’d be picking up some Greek take-out instead. Seth squinched up his nose. He wasn’t so sure about that. But Daddy always wanted him to try new things.

He let out a sigh then pushed up from the table to throw on some shoes and a jacket. The mailbox wasn’t far, only to the end of the walkway by the gate, but it was pouring rain outside. He hated that Daddy had to drive on the winding roads leading to the vineyard in such severe weather.

The bundle of mail was larger than usual because of all the Christmas cards. The postal delivery guy had even put a large rubber band around the stack because there were so many. Seth had been enjoying all the beautiful and festive cards, though. Daddy seemed to have a lot of friends and family who cared enough about him to send one. When he’d first met Daddy, he’d gotten the impression he didn’t know anyone except Nate. But then he’d explained to Seth that it was his own fault for not keeping up his relationships after Everett died.

Seth shucked off his jacket and hung it on the rack in the entryway. He also toed his way out of the pair of black Converse shoes Daddy had gotten for him not too long after he’d moved in. He left them on the mat below the rack to dry out.

Got them for me not too long after I lost my job, either.

Sighing some more, he slid the rubber band off the mail. Seth understood that he was earning his GED and helping around the house, and that it was all Daddy expected from him. But working hard and contributing financially to the household had been drilled into his head his entire life. Plus, he liked staying busy.

However, whenever he thought about going back to work, his anxiety would creep up on him. He didn’t want to give up on the idea, still wanted to work with kids someday, but didn’t think he was ready yet. In addition, Daddy wanted him to take the time to heal and finish his education first.

Seth continued shuffling through the mail as he wandered back into the dining room. He separated the cards from the junk mail and bills, then set down the rest of the envelopes. Once he was seated again, he picked up the remaining stack to separate them further. He paused when he got to a larger white envelope that looked important.

Boise. He bit his lip. Idaho Bureau of Vital Records.

His hand shook as he placed the white envelope back on the table. He stared at the letter, running his fingers over the paper. It was his birth certificate, it had to be. At least, he hoped it was. Sinister thoughts invaded his mind. What if he didn’t have one for some reason? What if his father had somehow sabotaged him from the beginning, had made it so he would always have control over him in one way or another?

If his birth certificate was inside the envelope, then he was one step closer to complete freedom. Only his Social Security card was left, then he’d officially be out from under his father’s thumb. Not that his father had any actual authority over him anymore, but without all his ID, Seth’s father still had that thread of control.

Seth chewed his thumbnail as he considered the letter. It was addressed to him, so he should go ahead and open it. His gut tightened as an image of what had happened to him for opening a letter when he was little flashed through his mind. When he was eight years old, a piece of mail from school had been sent to the house. He couldn’t remember how it was addressed, but he recognized the name of his school and his name must’ve been on the envelope somewhere, because he’d thought it was okay to open it and look inside.

He was wrong.

His leg jiggled as he continued to stare at the now terrifying piece of mail. He didn’t even want to touch it. He shook his head as if to shake free the horrific memories from his mind. That’s all they were. Memories. They couldn’t do anything to him in the present. He was safe, his Daddy loved him and would never hurt him—ever.

I should just open it.

Allowing one incident from fifteen years ago affect him so strongly was absurd. Daddy wouldn’t care if he opened something that clearly belonged to him.

“Sneaky, that’s what you are. I always told your mother you were good for nothing. What trouble are you in, huh? What did you do that was so bad the school had to send a letter? Are you trying to make me look bad, embarrass me? Is that it? Born evil, good for nothing. Only one thing to do. Have to beat the devil out of you.”

The familiar sneer, the curl of his father’s lip right before he’d strike appeared in his head so clearly, Seth gasped. His throat tightened and he couldn’t catch his breath. He pressed a hand to his chest, his heart racing so fast he feared it would seize up and stop completely. The logical part of his mind knew such a thing wouldn’t happen, but his logical mind was almost non-existent in the face of the agonizing memory.

He had to get out of that room, away from the letter as if it were a weapon ready to destroy him. Seth shoved his chair back from the table, stumbled to his feet, and with a hand still plastered to his chest, he staggered to the bedroom on shaky legs. He climbed on the mattress just as he was, jeans and all, not caring that he was fully clothed. All he wanted was Daddy, but that wasn’t possible.

Seth reached for Bear, tugging the soft toy to his body, clutching and hugging it with all his strength. He curled up on his side, the teddy tucked against him with his arms wrapped the animal and his chin propped on Bear’s head.

After a few minutes, his breathing slowed, and his heart wasn’t thundering with as much intensity. Fear still held him in a punishing grip, but as long as he kept hugging Bear and focused on the wonderful life he shared with Daddy, he thought he’d be okay. He had to hold himself together until Daddy got back.

He didn’t want to call Daddy, because he would know right away something was wrong then drive all the way home to take care of him. He couldn’t do that to him. It wasn’t fair.

Seth rubbed his cheek against the soft, shaggy fur of the teddy and allowed his eyes to close. As he calmed down further, a blanket of exhaustion settled over his body. He’d rest for a few minutes then maybe go water the indoor plants or watch a movie in the den. Or both. Anything—as long as it didn’t take him anywhere near the dining room.

---