Page 5 of For the Love of a Boy

Seth’s lips parted and he blinked several times before responding. “That’s not a very nice thing to say.”

Malcolm choke-snorted. “I assure you, it’s not a bad thing either. One of the first things Everett warned me about when we got together was his nature. But he loved being that way, needed to grab my attention however he could, to keep my eyes on him all the time. Whenever he felt I was too preoccupied with something else, he’d make sure to shake things up.” Malcolm chuckled. “And damn, was he ever the master shaker-upper.”

“I’m confused. Whenever you talk about him, it’s always how much you loved him, how you wished you could’ve married him, and you never thought you could have such a wonderful relationship again.” Seth regarded Malcolm as if he were crazy. “You put up with all that for ten years?”

Malcolm ran his fingers through Seth’s hair. “I didn’t ‘put up’ with anything. I reveled in his brattiness, in him. Did I punish him? Get aggravated with him? Fight with him? Absolutely. But we were amazing together, head over heels.”

Seth’s forehead creased and he chewed his lip. “But why would you want someone who was like that? I’m not saying Everett wasn’t a wonderful man, I just don’t get it.”

“Because sweetheart, Everett needed me. And it wasn’t that he needed me to fix him or anything like that, it was that he couldn’t deal with the responsibility of running a large business. He wasn’t made for it, yet it had fallen into his lap. He also needed a man whose entire universe revolved around him. Everett was who he was without apology, and I went all in both with him and with us as a couple.”

Seth’s frown deepened, but he reached for Malcolm’s hand and twined their fingers together. “So, you’re saying it’s all right if I’m a problem?”

“No, my precious boy. I’m saying you’re not a problem to begin with. Everything about you triggers my inherent need to nurture and care for someone. The fact that you look to me first is what draws me to you, makes me want to keep you forever and ever, to never risk losing you for any reason.” Malcolm brought Seth’s fingers to his lips and kissed each knuckle. “And I give you my word that I’ll never hold you back, that I won’t keep you from living your best life.”

Seth’s eyes shone. “Thank you, Daddy.”

Malcolm pressed his lips together. “Then I have to ask you again. Will you go see a therapist? One who specializes in post-traumatic stress, like we discussed?”

Seth sniffed as a lone tear trailed out of the corner of his eye. “I’m scared.”

“Tell me what scares you, baby.”

“What if he can’t help me or I end up worse than I already am?” Seth clutched Malcolm’s arm. “I’m trying to improve, and I feel like I already am. You’re my Daddy, something I didn’t realize I could have or that I’d want so much once I did. And I’ve never been so happy, ever.” Another tear fell, following the same path as the first. “I don’t want to risk losing what I’ve only just gained by going to some stranger who doesn’t understand me the way you do.”

Malcolm draped one leg over both of Seth’s then tugged their bodies closer. He continued to soothe him with caresses, to keep them connected.

“Daddy’s here, baby. No matter what, I’m here for you. But I’m not skilled in how to ease the symptoms of PTSD. Perhaps many of the things I do for you inadvertently help with that, but my actions aren’t coming from a place of knowledge in that area. I’ve worked for years at being a Daddy, at taking care of my boy. My natural instincts are to protect my precious boy at all other costs. Which is why when you were conflicted regarding your faith, and didn’t know what to do, I found someone who had the proper skills to address religious concerns.”

Malcolm tucked some errant strands of Seth’s hair behind his ear. “In that instance, finding Pastor Callum was how I fulfilled my role as your Daddy. I’d like to do the same thing with a therapist.” He leaned in to place a soft kiss on Seth’s lips. “Let me do this for you. If the first person you see doesn’t work out, we find someone else. We’ll make sure to find a therapist you feel comfortable with. Will you give it a try?”

Seth stared into Malcolm’s eyes for a long time, as if searching for an answer to all his fears. At last, he spoke.

“Okay, Daddy. I will.”

Seth initiated a kiss, one of the few times he had, and it made Malcolm’s heart skip a beat. The more that Seth embraced his desire and affection as a gay man, the more at peace Malcolm knew he would be.

“Daddy?” Seth petted Malcolm’s morning stubble.

“Yes, baby?”

“Can I have my spanking now?”

Malcolm grinned. “With pleasure.”

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