Page 4 of For the Love of a Boy

“But you have all my love and attention too, Daddy. When you say you’re proud of me or that I’m a good boy, I…I’ve never felt such happiness as that, such satisfaction.” Seth regarded him intently. “Before you, I was a disappointment to everyone. Useless. A waste. With you, I’m special. Worthwhile. I need to be the best boy for you.”

Malcolm leaned down to capture Seth’s mouth in a soft kiss. He framed Seth’s face with his palms and held him still as he dipped his tongue in over and over, poured every ounce of care and affection as he could into the exchange.

At last he straightened, petting Seth’s head as he gazed down at him, drinking in Seth’s green eyes and how openly he’d given Malcolm his trust.

“I’m honored to have you as my boy. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Daddy?”

Seth’s leg jiggled and he rubbed his hands on the tops of his thighs. The actions weren’t as pronounced as when they’d first met, but enough that Malcolm knew something was plaguing him.

“Tell me, baby boy. What’s bothering you?”

Malcolm lowered himself onto the end of the bed next to Seth so he could wrap an arm around his waist. Never had he met a man so thirsty for contact, who ached for the reassurance and comfort it provided.

“Um, you know how we discussed that me calling you Daddy all the time wouldn’t work when we go places in public? How we’d have to use our regular names instead?” He let out a small snort. “Which I understand, of course. I mean, I can’t very well say ‘Daddy, can I have dessert?’ when we’re at a restaurant.” He ducked his head with a grin then laid his head on Malcolm’s shoulder. “But I wish I could.”

Malcolm pondered whether Seth was merely expressing a thought, or if his declaration had more meaning behind it.

“Did you only want me to know that, or is there another reason you brought it up?”

Seth kept his head on Malcolm’s shoulder but reached for his hand. He laced their fingers together. “Sometimes I wonder if any of this is real. That maybe I’ll wake up one morning and either I’m back in the camp or…” Seth squeezed their joined hands, the tension clear in how hard he gripped their fingers. “Or you tell me you don’t want me here anymore.”

Malcolm swallowed past the emotion clogging his throat then gathered Seth onto his lap. But instead of hugging him close, he positioned him so he could look into his eyes. At first, Seth resisted, as if he was afraid that Malcolm would be angry with him. But Malcolm held his chin in place.

“Seth. Baby.” Malcolm gave Seth’s chin a small tug. “Look at me boy, right now.”

Seth’s eyes snapped up and he locked gazes with Malcolm. “I’m sorry, Daddy. But don’t you see? This, this is what worries me. That even if I correct my posture, eat my oats and listen to your advice and give you all my love and obedience—that you’ll still get tired of me someday.” Seth lowered his eyes. “I know I’m a lot of trouble. I know I’m broken. You shouldn’t have to put up with all my problems. It’s not fair to you.”

Malcolm’s stomach twisted. This wasn’t the first time Seth had expressed his fear of rejection. He’d been doing so well recently that it had tricked Malcolm into thinking they could put off sending Seth to a therapist until he’d decided he was ready. However, Seth’s insecurity was too ingrained. The relief of feeling safe and falling in love wouldn’t magically fix the damage already done.

Malcolm rose then tugged a startled Seth to his feet. “Come on. This is an important discussion and I don’t want to have it in this room.”

Seth’s eyes rounded. “It’s okay. We don’t need to talk about anything, it’s fine.” He winced. “I shouldn’t have said anything, just forget it.”

“Yes, you should’ve and I’m glad you did. However, this room is for discipline and other aspects of our Daddy and boy dynamic. Not for conversations regarding you and me as a couple.”

“Am I in trouble? You don’t want to spank me?”

Malcolm held in his frustration. It wasn’t a result of Seth’s behavior, but was definitely a result of how enraged he was at Seth’s father and the hateful church he’d been raised in. What they’d done to him was unforgivable in Malcolm’s eyes.

“You’re not in trouble, baby. Not now. Not ever.”

Seth tilted his head. “How can you know that?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you Seth, not a damn thing. Areas to work on, yes, but not wrong, not bad.”

Malcolm turned, leading the way from the guestroom, grasping Seth’s hand tightly. Once they’d stepped inside the bedroom, Malcolm released him, directing Seth to climb back into bed. He turned on the nightstand lamps but kept them dim. Malcolm then dropped his robe and got under the covers with his precious, naked boy.

He allowed their skin to touch, caressing Seth’s back and placing lazy kisses on his neck, brushing his lips over Seth’s shoulder then beginning again. Once the tension had left Seth’s body and they were warm and cozy, Malcolm encouraged Seth to look into his eyes. He placed a knuckle under Seth’s chin, waiting until Seth followed the unspoken command.

“That’s better.” Malcolm laid his hand on Seth’s hip, leaving it there, grounding them together. “I want to share something with you about Everett.”

He didn’t miss the concern in Seth’s expression. While he was certain Seth must be worried if he measured up to Everett in Malcolm’s eyes, he’d never expressed jealousy or brought up that subject.

“Okay.” Seth swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

“Everett was an insufferable brat.”

---