Page 23 of For the Love of a Boy

Seth’s chest tightened. “So do I, seriously. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I wasn’t interested in sitting with you.”

Daddy gave him a soft smile as he stroked Seth’s hair back from his forehead. “I didn’t take it that way. Actually, relax might not have been the best word choice on my part. But reconnect? I believe that’s accurate.”

Seth nodded. “Me too.”

Daddy led him by his hand to the den and guided him to the sofa. “Have a seat, sweetheart. I’m going to grab myself a drink. Would you like some seltzer?”

The room housed a small bar with a mini fridge behind it. While Seth still didn’t care for flavored sodas, he liked having a seltzer with a slice of lime on occasion.

“Are there any water bottles in the fridge?”

Daddy disappeared behind the bar for a second while he dipped down to check. He popped back up with a bottle in hand. “There’re two left. We’ll have to remember to restock before bed.”

While Daddy poured himself a dark whiskey in a tumbler, Seth tried not to blurt out a million questions. Especially since he rarely saw him drink anything other than wine, so it must mean Daddy was under his own stress. He imagined Daddy used to drink a lot of the other liquors, because there were so many different types on the top of the bar. Whatever Daddy had dealt with that day was making him want something more than a glass of wine.

Daddy toed off his loafers next to the bar then padded over to the sofa and handed Seth his water before sitting down. Then, he knocked back a healthy swallow of his drink, setting the tumbler on the end table at his side. Smiling, he lifted one of Seth’s legs, then hooked it over one of his own. He rested his arm across Seth’s thigh and grabbed his glass with the other hand.

“There.” Daddy sighed. “Much better.”

Seth chewed his lip. “Was it very bad today? You were gone so long, I got worried.”

“Hmm.” Daddy nodded as he took another sip of his drink. “I apologize for that, Seth. I meant to come straight home after I texted you from Nate’s, other than stopping to pick up a bottle of my favorite bourbon.” Daddy arched his eyebrows as he raised his glass. “But then I got to thinking. The booze is my pick-me-up, something I need once in a while. Not need as in I’m addicted, but if I want something to help me relax, then whiskey is my go-to.” He took another sip. “Plus, it tastes damn fine.”

“That’s okay. I wasn’t being nosy. I was only worried.”

“Well, that part’s not okay. It’s my responsibility as your Daddy to help your worry go away—not add to it. So, I’m very sorry, sweetheart. I’ll be more careful in the future.”

Daddy drained his glass then set it on the table again. “Anyway, I got to thinking as I drove to the liquor store, that you don’t have anything like that. At least, I don’t think you do. You don’t drink or smoke—and before you comment—I’m not advocating you begin. But everyone has something they use to let off steam. I don’t know…” Malcolm waved a hand around. “Like jogging or yoga or adult coloring books.” Daddy drew his eyebrows together as he regarded him. “Does working out help you let off steam? That’s another thing that works well for me.”

Seth nodded. “Yeah, sometimes. When I was in Idaho, that’s how I’d release my anger or frustration. Either by using weights, since I didn’t have a gym or all this other stuff like you have, or hiking. I did a lot of hiking.”

“Mmm.” Daddy narrowed his eyes. “Yes, the outdoors. Being in the outdoors is definitely a release for then. That’s true for me as well. Of course, the weather dictates when we can indulge.”

Seth chuckled. “And that’s when you use the whiskey instead?”

Daddy laughed. “Something like that. But at least we have the treadmill and Nautilus machine in the garage, right?”

“Yeah.” Seth picked at his pant leg. “So…why did that make you take so long?”

Daddy snorted as he patted Seth’s hand. “Yeah, I’m all over the place, aren’t I?” He tipped back his head. “What a day.” He regarded Seth again. “I got it in my head that you have to have something that’s only for you, something that could be your go-to when you need immediate comfort. I’m hoping my idea was a good one.” He tilted his head. “Seth, do you still pray?”

Seth sucked in a sharp breath. He hadn’t prayed since the night he broke free of the camp. Not even when he was scared at the motel. Part of his reasoning was that since he’d reached the conclusion that God hated gay people, and he couldn’t stop being gay, that God didn’t want to hear from him. He’d read the torn-up Bible in the drawer—partly because it was there and partly because he thought there might be something about being gay he’d overlooked. Maybe his father and the church had hidden those passages from him. The verses where God and Jesus said being gay didn’t matter, that love was all that counted.

But he couldn’t talk to God. Not after He’d left him at the mercy of his father for all those years.

Seth swallowed back the emotion threatening to choke him. “No. I don’t pray.”

“I won’t push, sweetheart. Not if you don’t want to discuss that subject right now. But from what you’ve shared with me already, praying was a constant for most of your life. I think it would be wise, when you’re ready, to explore that topic with Dr. Clay or Pastor Callum.”

Seth swiped his hand under his nose and nodded. “I know you’re right. But I’m not ready.”

“That’s fine, baby. There’s time.”

Seth wiggled on the sofa then clutched Daddy’s arm. Daddy had taken off his suit jacket, but still wore the pale blue dress shirt, sans tie, and his charcoal grey slacks. Seth figured he must’ve headed to the bedroom for a minute so he could take them off.

“Those detectives want me to testify, don’t they?”

Daddy moved Seth’s leg then cradled him, lifting him onto his lap. Seth cuddled up to Daddy, laying his head on his shoulder and curling his fingers in Daddy’s shirt. It was if he was hanging on so he wouldn’t fall.

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