Page 14 of For the Love of a Boy

Chapter Four

Seth sat on his hands in the passenger seat of Daddy’s SUV. He’d been working on getting rid of, or at the very least, some of his nervous habits. Yet, for his first trip to the new therapist he wasn’t having much luck.

“Everything all right, sweetheart?”

They were on their way to his first appointment with the therapist Pastor Callum had been the most enthusiastic about. He’d assured them that Dr. Anora Clay not only specialized in helping people with PTSD issues, but understood the type of lifestyle he led with Daddy. The discussion he’d had with Daddy at Thanksgiving about his fears had made getting a sooner appointment a priority. He’d been fortunate there’d been a cancellation that week and that she could see him so soon. Otherwise, he would’ve had to wait until the New Year.

“Would it be okay if I practiced driving the SUV later? If it’s not too late when we get back, I mean.”

Most of the people Pastor Callum knew worked in Portland or the surrounding area. Seth had discovered a while back that the pastor attended the same club where Daddy had met his boy, Everett. Since the club was located in Portland, that was where the therapist was also located. Seth felt bad that Daddy had to do so much driving because of him.

When Daddy didn’t respond, Seth checked to see if maybe he was upset about something. Instead, Daddy glanced at him with the corners of his eyes crinkling and a slight curl to his lips. He returned his attention to the road.

“Seth, you didn’t answer my question. Why don’t we start there? Then we can go back to the issue of you driving.”

“Oh, gosh. Sorry.” Seth couldn’t stop himself from wiping his palms along his jeans. He’d worry about bad habits after his appointment. “What was it you asked again?”

“That’s okay, baby.” Daddy reached over with one hand and patted his knee. “But I was wondering how you’re holding up.”

Seth nodded. “Right, now I remember.” He let out a long exhale. “Um, I’m nervous. But that’s probably obvious. As weird as it sounds, I’m excited about going. It’s not the same as it was with Pastor Callum where I was sure he would think I was an evil, terrible person.” Seth winced. “Even though you said he was gay and wasn’t like all the Christians I’d grown-up with—I had a hard time believing it.” Seth rubbed Daddy’s jacket-covered arm. “Sorry.”

“Not needed.” Daddy tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “Look, I know I’ve said it many times before, but this is why going to see a professional is so important for you. Not because they’ll wave a magic wand and make as if nothing ever happened, or so you’ll never feel pain or worry again. But to help you understand and cope with the fallout from your abuse, to give you the tools you need to forge ahead.”

Daddy grabbed his knee and gave it a hearty squeeze. “And from now on, every time you don’t say you’re sorry about something, you’ll get a morning wake up blow job.”

Seth laughed so hard, he got dizzy. Daddy joined in and Seth discovered that a good portion of his tension had faded away.

Seth finally caught his breath. “I know I’m bad about that.” He paused for effect. “I didn’t say it.”

Daddy barked out another laugh and grinned. “Okay, that counts as one.”

Seth ducked his head but couldn’t stop his own happy grin. He didn’t even care about getting to drive the SUV later. But Daddy being Daddy, he hadn’t forgotten.

“As far as driving practice goes, until your birth certificate arrives, there’s not much we can do unless we’re at the vineyard because we can’t get you a permit. But we can definitely go there sometime this week.”

“Oh, I know. I was thinking when we got back from Christmas shopping, that I could maybe sit behind the wheel in the driveway and go over the controls in your car since it’s so different from anything I’ve ever driven before. That’s all.” Seth regarded Daddy. “But you’d let me drive around the vineyard?”

Daddy’s mouth twitched. “Only after its closed and everyone’s gone. Safety first.”

Seth’s jaw dropped. “Daddy!”

Daddy chuckled. “I’m only sort of joking. However, I do have a lot to take care of there this week, what with the holidays. My manager’s a bit overwhelmed, so I thought he might like an extra day off. We could go to the vineyard for the day, let you tear around the place afterward. Then as long as we’ve gone that far, head over to Florence and Heceta Beach. We can stay the night, maybe hit up the restaurant with the steaks and Gorgonzola sauce again. Whaddya say?”

“That’s a great idea. I’d love to, Daddy.”

He’d almost asked Daddy if he was sure he wanted to do it, but that was another area Seth was working on—accepting that Daddy meant what he said and wouldn’t have said it otherwise.

“Well done, baby.” Daddy glanced at him with a wink. “That’s settled, then. I can’t wait.” He flicked on the right turn signal, and they pulled off the Interstate. “Should be there in a few minutes. She said she was right off the highway.”

Sure enough, after a couple blocks, they reached the building where Dr. Clay’s office was located. While he’d calmed down when he and Daddy were talking, as they pulled into a parking spot his anxiety soared once again.

“You’re doing very well, Seth. You know I’m proud of you for taking this step, right?”

He gave Daddy a shaky nod and swiped his palms along his jeans one more time. “You did. Thank you, I’m trying really hard.”

Daddy leaned over the console and gave him a peck on the lips. “I can tell.” He jerked his head toward the glass double doors to the three-story building. “Let’s say we head in.”

Seth nodded again, but with more intent. Whenever Daddy said he was proud of him, he felt as if he could conquer anything. Having someone believe in him was a thrill he doubted would ever dissipate with time.

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