Page 36 of In the Name of the Father

He turned to see the restaurant owner, Vito, peeking his head out from the office. Vito usually only showed up for the dinner shifts on the weekends, leaving the day to day aspects of the business to John, the manager. Seth regarding the last pile of dishes that were still unwashed.

“Don’t worry about those, Seth. Lex can take care of them when he comes on shift.”

An uneasy feeling settled in his stomach, but Seth did as he was told. He wiped his wet hands on his apron, then made his way across the kitchen to Vito’s office. When he passed the prep cook area, the two guys who were typically friendly with him turned away and pretended to be busy with their already pristine workstation.

Did I do something wrong?

He tried to latch on to some reason the owner was asking to speak with him, but nothing came to mind. When he stepped through the threshold, Vito wasn’t sitting behind his desk. Instead, he was standing in front of it holding the white envelope that would contain his paycheck, along with a piece of paper that Seth didn’t recognize.

“I wanted to make sure you got your check and next week’s schedule.”

Seth drew his eyebrows together.Schedule? The restaurant never posted a schedule. Everyone had regular hours and knew when they were supposed to be at work.

“All right, then. I gotta run.”

Vito brushed past him then grabbed his jacket off the row of hooks by the back door. Everything had happened so fast he hadn’t had the opportunity to respond. Seth unfolded the letter sized piece of paper then glanced it over. His name wasn’t on it.

He shook his head, confused, his stomach roiling. Had he just been fired?

“Hey, Seth. C’mere.”

Seth looked up to see Mike, his co-worker who’d told him about Woody’s. He held up the piece of paper. “I don’t understand. When did we start doing schedules?”

Mike snorted. “I’m guessing you didn’t spot it on the wall when you arrived for your shift. John had to call Vito in to make sure you knew.”

He pointed to the schedule taped to the wall next to all the state work regulation posters. Seth noted that it was indeed the same as what he’d been given.

“No, I didn’t notice it.” He peered over his shoulder, and the same prep cooks he’d passed on the way to the office abruptly ducked their heads. I guess I’ve been the big joke all day. He returned his attention to Mike. “If I’m being fired, why didn’t someone justsaysomething to me?”

“Look, kid. Sometimes working for a family place can be cool, but other times… Let’s just say they aren’t as picky about following good business practices the way other companies are.”

Seth’s shoulders slumped. Like not caring that I didn’t have a social security card. “I still don’t understand.” He looked up. “What did I do wrong?” Seth leaned closer to Mike and lowered his voice. “Is it because I’m gay?”

Mike rolled his eyes. “Not everything sucky that happens to you is because you’re gay. And you didn’t do anything wrong other than not being born into the family dynasty. Vito’s nephew just moved to the area and he promised his brother he’d give him a job.” Mike shrugged. “I guess he figures dishwashers are a dime a dozen. Losing you won’t affect his business any.”

Seth felt as if he’d swallowed a rock.A dime a dozen. “I have to go.” He couldn’t stand one more second of being gawked at by the prep cooks or being regarded with pity by Mike.

“Wanna go grab a beer? If you need some company tonight, I don’t got any plans.” Mike arched his eyebrows. “You could always crash at my place later if you’d like.”

Seth crushed the paper schedule in his fist. “No, I-I can’t. I have to…” He blinked away a couple tears. “Go. That’s all.”

Seth tossed the balled-up paper onto the floor then yanked his jacket off the hook. He stormed out of the back, ignoring Mike’s pleas for him to wait. Instead of going to the check cashing place or to the coffee shop where he’d promised to meet Malcolm, he marched his way down the street with his head down and his hands stuffed into his jacket pockets.

Soon, the fine, drizzling mist had coated his skin and beaded up on the fabric of the microsuede. The dampness from the rain began to seep through the thick fabric of his jeans and he started shivering. No matter how many times Malcolm insisted he wasn’t pathetic, wasn’t bad, wasn’t a loser—it didn’t change the fact that he wasn’t even good enough to keep a dishwashing job.

A dime a dozen. Vito’s business won’t be affected if I’m not there.

After all, why would it? He reallywasas useless as his father had always declared he was. A sob burst out of him unbidden and he cursed how weak he was. Malcolm was wrong about him. He wasn’t worthy of love or admiration.

And now he’ll know the truth. He’ll realize he’s saddled himself with a hopeless case and won’t know how to get rid of his burden.

Seth stopped in the middle of the sidewalk then checked the time on the prepaid cell phone he’d been using since his arrival in Eugene. He’d needed one first thing to have a number to put on job applications. If he went back to the check cashing place, Malcolm might look for him there. He had a little over twenty dollars left from before that Malcolm had insisted he keep on him ‘just in case’.

This qualifies.

He could take the bus to the train station, plus have something to eat. There wouldn’t be enough for a motel room even if he didn’t eat, so he’d forget about that. He could probably get away with hanging out in the station for the night—or at least a few hours—then find another place to cash his check in the morning. Figuring out where to go could keep him occupied the rest of the night.

With what amounted to a basic plan, Seth headed for the nearest bus stop. What Malcolm didn’t realize was that he wasn’t strong or brave or any of that crap. Seth knew the truth. He was a broken man who couldn’t be fixed.

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