Page 28 of In the Name of the Father

Seth gazed up at him with tears streaming down his cheeks. “Thank you.” He lowered his head again. “At a certain point, I guess I came to my senses, or I got to the stage where I could spot the hypocrisy, or whatever it was. By that time, me and Jenny were engaged, and I was suffocating from the inside out. It was clear that even if Jesus himself were to descend from heaven, point his finger at me in front of my father and declare that he loved me just the way I was—my father wouldstillturn from me. So, I was done.

“I began to plan how I could get out of there. I gave my cousin my ID and some money to hold for me. I’d saved up enough from working two jobs over a long period of time, so the money I gave my father was enough that it wouldn’t be noticed. My employers were church members of course, so they kept an eye on me. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get my birth certificate or social security card—my father kept those locked up. But my biggest mistake was breaking up with Jenny, because I gave myself away. I felt I owed it to her. I should’ve kept my big mouth shut, but I didn’t want her to question herself and wonder if there was something wrong with her, you know, that I would just dump her without an explanation.”

Malcolm sighed. “And she told on you.”

“Yeah. I guess telling her I knew I was gay, that I couldn’t change and that I’d never loved her wasn’t the smartest move I’ve ever made.”

Malcolm went back to petting Seth’s head. “You were trying to do the right thing. You have such a big heart.”

“I guess I need help learning how to do the right thing without hurting myself.”

Malcolm smiled. “I think that would be an excellent thing to work on.” Malcolm cradled Seth’s hands again. “Can you tell me how you got out of the camp the second time?”

“I…” He let his head fall back and closed his eyes. After a couple of moments, he sucked in a breath and regarded Malcolm. “They got me in my sleep. Came into my bedroom, four big guys who threw a black hood over my head then one of them tossed me over their shoulder. They dragged me kicking and screaming out of the house with my father yelling after me how much he hated me.” Seth began shaking. “But I wasn’t going to let them get me the way they had last time. I knew the game. I was older. From thesecondI landed in there, I began planning how I could get away.

“This time it was much worse. They beat me every day because I was a backslider. They beat me because, according to them, I must have been defiling myself with other men since I didn’t want my fiancé anymore. Then they would beat me because they were bored. I honestly didn’t care anymore. Instead, I paid attention to the guard schedules, to the routine, to who could be bribed or influenced—anything that could help me get the hell out of there. Then…”

The shaking in Seth’s body became stronger and Malcolm couldn’t help but put an arm around Seth’s shoulder. When Seth didn’t shrink away, but leaned in even more, Malcolm knew he’d made the right call.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you. You’re safe here with me.”

“I-I couldn’t take it anymore. That day… There was a new student—that’s what they called us—and he grabbed my arm in fear when one of the counselors came at him. Immediately, I was dragged off to this room that I’d only heard about. One of the other students who’d been there longer than me in the adult facility, said everyone called it the brainwashing room. The counselors referred to it as the reconditioning room.”

Seth clutched at Malcolm as if he were hanging onto a life raft. “I was strapped into a chair, these random images of whitewashed, perfect, smiling families with perfect happy children and perfect white picket fenced houses played over and over on a large screen in front of me. My head was held in place with another strap and while the pictures flashed in front of me, those same hateful words that they’d made me write over and over were shouted in my ears. It went on and on, forever it seemed, and I couldn’t… I can’t…”

Seth collapsed into sobs. “I wanted to die rather than stay there one second longer! I didn’tcareanymore if I was evil, I didn’tcareif being gay was a sin, I just wantedout!” Seth threw himself at Malcolm, falling against him as the words tumbled from his lips and his cries turned to wails. “I-I got out, I left, I never want to see my father or brothers oranyof them again!Never!”

Malcolm slid to the floor then brought Seth with him. He gathered the still weeping man onto his lap, cradling and rocking him as he whispered soothing words. Malcolm wrapped his arms around Seth and let him cry it out even while his own heart was breaking.

How could Seth’s father do that to him? Or the counselors? Or any of the other church members? How could a man look into the sweet, vulnerable face of their own child and feel only hate?

Malcolm made an oath to himself in that moment. No matter what it took, he would help Seth discover that—not only was he a good man who didn’t need to be fixed—but that he deserved all the love in the world.

Chapter Seven

Seth’s head wouldn’t stop pounding. He could barely remember how he’d gotten from the sunroom to the bathroom, or why he was sitting on the toilet seat lid while Malcolm went to get him a bottle of cold water. He also couldn’t believe how he’d fallen apart in front of Malcolm. A part of him had always known that once he let out everything that he’d been keeping stuffed down inside it would be like a volcano exploding.

“Here you go. Let me grab the Tylenol from the cabinet and you can take that while I run you a bath. I also want you to drink at least a few sips of this—slowly.”

Seth blinked as he stared at the bottle of water in his hand then at the two white pills sitting on Malcolm’s palm.

“Go on, Seth. It’ll help you feel better.”

He accepted the painkillers then swallowed them down. His mind latched on to something else Malcolm had said. “Bath?”

As if in answer, water poured from the spigot of the large porcelain bathtub across from him. Malcolm sat on the edge and was running his hand underneath the spout to undoubtedly check the temperature. After he seemed satisfied, Malcolm angled his body so they faced each other.

“I’m not leaving you alone, Seth. If you’d be more comfortable keeping your underwear on while you bathe, that’s fine.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The bath will help calm you down, and hopefully, relax. You could probably use a nap afterward as well.”

Seth’s gut clenched. “But you said you wouldn’t leave me alone.”

His voice held a tinge of hysteria, but he couldn’t help it. His entire body felt as if it were about to fall apart into little pieces onto the floor. Malcolm gave him a soft smile and he stroked his arm. God, he loved it when Malcolm touched him like that.

Like he really cares.

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